Sweat tickles my brow. I am used to sweating, especially during long workouts like this one. But this was the third drop that had almost made it to my eyelids. I wanted so much to bat it away with a blink. I needed to fling it away before it made my eyelashes twitch or affected my focus.

  Focus. Extend a leg further to move your center of balance. Centered. Now hold strong with your left hand or you'll fall ten feet and need to redo this whole section again. Strong. Remember to breathe in. Calm.

  It's getting bigger I can feel it the weight the wet the welt was unbearab… is my foot slipping? I can't focus.

  Focus. Sweat is meaningless, there is no life outside the current moment. Flow. Now! – Breathe out – shift your balance further – push with your right leg – extend your right arm to catch the next hold. Next. The moment is gone, the action perfectly coordinated. Deadpointing 65 feet above the ground makes your heart pound. Feet. Follow the movement with your legs and you'll land on the next outcropping. Safe.

  I felt the safety of the rock under my right hand. Drip. Fucking piece of sweat! I can't see! Where was my left hand? Devil take my soul where the fuck is my left hand I need a counterbalance.

  Balance. Breathe in and out a few times. Time. Don't let it get to you. Your inner child always freaks out at the wrong moment. Enjoy the moment, you deserve it. Both your hands and feet are holding, keep it that way.

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  I breath in and out strenuously. This was it, I have just passed the crux and if I can make a good clip out of the footage it will go viral. I'll call it something like "MoJo flashes The Anvil and you won't believe that last move" and then my editor will argue for a different title. They'd be right but we'd argue anyways.

  I'm always arguing, most of the time with myself. In my head I often forget which side I'm arguing for. I used to believe it when people told me that I only argued for the sake of arguing. But it's much more than that, I think. I argue to understand what others' viewpoints really are. And sometimes I argue until I figure out which voice in my head I should listen to.

  I climb for these kind of epiphanies. And for the rush of course! What a jump that was! It must have been a rush. But I was so focused it felt like a twitch. I can't wait for that first like to remind me of placing my hand on the cold rock wall this morning. Every like after that will take me to this current moment of success. But now it's time to leave.

  Leave. Navigate the last two easy holds. Hold. It's really over now, you can start letting go.

  I let myself take a non-strategic breath, it comes out as a sigh with half a smile. I let go and fall two feet. The rope catches me and I twirl to face the view. A forest of dark green pines sprinkled with a few bright white aspen. I breathe in with a genuine smile this time. And I breathe out some of the frustration and anxiety. This is a moment I do not let the camera capture.

  Capture. Take in this entire day as-is, shrinkwrap it and place it safely in your mind for later. Shrink. This isn't going to come up in therapy, is it?