"Wow, my armor looks really evil, honey. We're not the bad guys, right?" My voice is somewhat distorted by the helmet I'm wearing.

  Reka freezes. "What makes you say that, my love?"

  Geez, is she taking me seriously? I was just joking. "No, no, it's nothing. I understand. Black steel is easier for us to make. We've talked about the state of metallurgy here. But isn't it more prone to rust?"

  "Anti-corrosion spells are trivial for me," Reka replies.

  I nod my head slightly. Fair enough. But giving my helmet devil horns and red glowing eyes? Isn't that a bit much? The intimidation factor is nice, but I don't want people to get the wrong idea. Looks bad ass though, you've got to admit.

  I'm trying on my wargear for the first time, all black plate. I look like the cover of a heavy metal album. This isn't training anymore. This isn't just a hunt. We're about to undertake a legitimate military operation.

  The plan? Quite simple, really. Reka is going to use her magic to stir up a huge brushfire, and then I ride out at the head of our Black Widow Knights and herd all the monsters into a killzone. Spring planting is right around the corner, and we need to make sure nothing will be left to bother the peasants while we play adventurer down south. Want to be a lord? Time to do lord shit.

  Dame Nyte, our captain of the guard, says I can handle myself ahorse well enough. Sword, lance, battleaxe, I can do it all. Training with Backshot has been fun. It's like my big white stallion just understands me, you know? As his name suggests, Backshot is a demon with the kicks. Before the day is through, he'll probably have a higher body count than I do.

  "Ready to go, Brad?" she asks, her voice smaller than usual. Sending me off to battle can't be easy for her.

  "More than ready." I take off my helmet and pull her into a kiss, careful not to get anything of hers caught on my armor.

  The whole castle is waiting for us in the courtyard. Our human servants look a bit frightened of the spider knights, but that's totally understandable. They're just people, arachnid lower body or not, but it takes time to realize that. I'm sure things will get better with exposure. Reka told me she was planning to obtain human husbands for the high performers. Apparently, Arachnes are a female-only species. They need outside males to reproduce. It seems impossible, but with magic, common assumptions about biology don't necessarily apply.

  With a flourish, Reka stands to her full height and spreads her arms wide, as if embracing the crowd. Her lips move, but the open air swallows her words before they reach me.

  "My people!" Her voice resounds, magically enhanced. "Today, we of Malmark claim these lands for true! None may reside here without my leave, not the meanest imp. Thus, my warriors shall go forth and harry all interlopers, bringing the yoke of submission to this wild country. My lord husband shall lead you in this!"

  She holds up a purple ribbon, our house color, for everyone to see. Just like we rehearsed, I hold out my arm and Reka ties her favor around my armored bicep. A girly ribbon doesn't exactly match the whole "black knight" look, but sometimes you need to make symbolic gestures.

  Our people, human, spider woman, and whatever species Galiban is, all cheer together.

  "The Realm of Regis shall prosper," Reka continues. "You will have more lands under tillage, ingenious mechanisms to aid you, and full granaries! All who shelter beneath my walls will do so in safety, with full bellies. This I vow!"

  Another round of cheers. Our human servants really do look a lot better. Even now, at the end of winter, they still have plenty to eat.

  At my suggestion, our knights will form four squadrons, ready to swoop in at different points once Reka works her magic.

  "Ride now! Ride now! Ride forth, my warriors, in my name!"

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  At her command, I mount up on Backshot and lead my squadron out the gate.

  "Nervous?" I ask Alice, my executive officer, another spider woman like Nyte. Captain Nyte leads yet another squadron.

  I'm on a horse, but the spiders can keep up just fine as we ride out and head to the staging area.

  "Negative, my lord," Alice replies in that typical emotionless manner. She's sister to Nyte, and our next best fighter after the captain and me. There are precious few people I'd trust more.

  I can't look directly at the sun and tell the time like Reka can, but we've planned this operation pretty extensively. The spiders know where we're supposed to be, and when.

  One hour. Reka's flames will emerge in one hour. Something about the symbolic effect of casting at high noon will make her spell stronger. About one hundred and fifty Black Widow Knights are with me in the northern group.

  I look around. Not exactly a talkative bunch. "So," I try to break the uncomfortable silence, "read any good books lately?"

  "I've read every book in the castle library, my lord," Alice replies primly.

  "We're working on that," I say. The printing press never developed here because magical copying is quicker and easier. Reka told me that once we get access to more paper, reproducing any Earth book in hard copy would be simple.

  Alice doesn't say more, but her body language says she's interested.

  "Any requests?"

  She looks away, a shy blush on her face. "My lady mentioned something about 'romance novels'."

  Hah! I slap my armored leg, and Backshot grunts. These spider girls are real softies, deep down. "I'll make sure to find you some good ones. Just remember, the land I came from is different. If there's something you don't understand, feel free to ask Reka or me."

  The spider girl shivers. "To be so familiar with our lady...sometimes it disturbs me. But this is love, no? You share all."

  "Among other things."

  When the sun reaches its apex, a wall of flame vomits up out of the ground, cutting the land in half. Three other identical flames spread out in each cardinal direction.

  "That's the signal, let's go!" I cry, leading the northern spider squadron forward. We sweep the edge of the flame, then wheel.

  Our first catch of the day comes quickly. A bat demon the size of a large dog takes to the air, fleeing the flames in terror. Our spider knights are fine archers, and the airborne foe finds himself feathered by arrows in short order.

  No one stands and fights, not even the not-particularly-flammable rock monsters. Such is their instinctual fear of fire. The ground is torn up by four horse legs and hundreds of spider legs. We spread out to close the hinge of the trap. Every monster in our sector is chased from one wall of flame to another and ridden down.

  Only, my spider knights are just too good, slaying everything before I can even get close. Reka probably told them there would be awful consequences if I had so much as a scratch. Her overprotectiveness can get annoying sometimes.

  We gallop over a half-completed road and what looks like the early stages of the qanat, an underground aqueduct to bring water from the mountains to our north. Reka's flames are very precise, sparing all our construction projects and farming villages.

  There is much screaming and squealing as we ride hard, a black wave of death over the land. With the flames at our back, nothing has the sense to hide.

  At last, I spot a cluster of pig men, more of them in one place than I have ever seen. Sows and piglets are with them, carrying their meagre belongings on their backs. Their entire society is on the hoof, desperately trying to escape.

  For half a moment, I feel a stab of pity in my heart, but then I remember I have literally eaten boarfolk before. They're food, I tell myself, and couch my lance, spurring Backshot forward.

  Most of the arrows are spent now, and my spider knights draw steel, following me in the charge.

  "Regis! Malmark!" is their battle cry. It's absurd that my last name inspires that kind of devotion, but such is life.

  If the boarfolk had formed ranks, they might've made a fight of it. There was no fight.

  My lance, a shorter, sturdier war lance, not made to break like a tourney lance, impales a boar straight through, and I struggle to keep a grip on it. All around me, I hear death squeals.

  Another one! Another one! This time, I lose my grip on the lance and leave it buried in the chest of my foe. Running on pure adrenaline, I draw my sword and start swinging. The press is thick, but they aren't resisting, not really. We're stacking bodies.

  Backshot is bucking like mad, spinning and kicking anything that gets close. Dirty kill stealer.

  As many as I get, my horse and spiders get more. Then, all at once, we run out of pig to stick.

  "Too easy," I mutter. Backshot snorts in agreement.

  What remains is just a mop-up operation. When we finally reach the next flame wall, I notice the spiders are throwing out lassos of webbing and dragging monster corpses into big piles.

  "What's that about, Alice?" I ask my XO.

  "Food and fertilizer," she says simply. "Nothing will be wasted."

  "That's good," I say. No point in wasting anything. That was a lot of magic my Reka just used. She's going to be really needy tonight, I can just tell.

  I don't know how many square kilometers of wilderness we just purged, but it had to be a lot. No casualties, I observe, at least in my squadron. One of the horned humanoids, Galiban's species, is already marking something out. A new village, perhaps?

  Malmark will grow larger!

  Brad and Backshot