I open my eyes. White stone surrounds us, bathed in soft light. I sit up. We’re bone-dry. No more wind, no more waves, no more vile stench. We’re sitting in the center of a small circular room. A door in front of us says “Floor 5”.
Next to me, Kim and Chris are sprawled out like starfish, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling with the look of people who just saw their lives flash before their eyes in 4K.
Chris feels his face, then his arms, then his chest. He jumps up, hysterical. “We’re alive!” He starts jumping up and down. “We’re alive! The whale ate us, it crushed us, but we’re here! It’s the respawn! We’ve respawned in the Safe Zone! Uncle Ben, we’re immortal! We’ve got infinite lives like in Mario!”
I rub my head, trying to rub away the headache. I let out a short, dry laugh.
“Calm down, Super Mario. We haven’t respawned. If you die here, you die for real. No 1-Up, no Continue.”
Chris stops jumping, confused. “But… then how did we get here? We were in its throat!”
Kim stands up slowly, her eyes flashing dangerously. “That’s true, Ben. You threw us into the mouth of the monster. You destroyed our only means of escape. Explain yourself before I make you swallow your shovel.”
I stand up, shaking the dust from my pants. “It’s simple. You looked at the graphics, I looked at the lore.” I raise three fingers. “Think. When we arrived on the island, what was the very first monster we saw?”
“The Leaping Swordfish,” she answers confidently. “The ones that attacked the raft.”
“Wrong,” I correct.
Kim and Chris exchange a confused look.
“The crickets,” I say. “On the beach. They were everywhere in the bushes. Harmless, level 0, but they were there.”
I lower one finger. “Next, the raft. What was its name?”
“Eeyore…” Chris whispers.
“Exactly. A donkey.”
I lower a second finger. There’s only one left. “And finally, the Boss. A giant whale that swallows everything in its path. A cricket, a donkey, a whale. Does that remind you of anything?”
Kim and Chris look at me with blank eyes. Cultural vacuum. I stare at them for a moment, speechless. “Seriously? Does your pop culture knowledge stop at Fortnite?” I point to the exit door. “Pinocchio, for god’s sake!”
“Pinocchio?” Chris repeats. “The wooden puppet?”
“Yes! The cricket is Jiminy Cricket. The donkeys are what happen to bad kids on Pleasure Island. And the whale is Monstro! In the cartoon, how does Pinocchio save his father? He doesn’t kill the whale. He gets swallowed to go find him in its belly and they escape by making a fire!”
I tap my trash can lid. “The victory condition of this floor wasn’t crossing the ocean. It was being swallowed. The exit was inside the whale. If we’d kept fleeing or fighting, we’d have died of exhaustion at sea. The only way to win was to jump into the lion’s mouth. Well, the fish’s.”
Kim and Chris stand there, mouths half open, digesting the info. They look like two goldfish who just discovered their bowl is round.
“It’s… it’s twisted,” Kim breathes.
“It’s narrative game design,” I correct.
I sit on the chest, crossing my legs. “At the very end, we saw clearly that the whale was only interested in the Tapupus. It didn’t care about us. It just wanted its afternoon snack. That explains the radar. The green ball wasn’t pointing to a threat to avoid, it was pointing to public transport. All the clues were there to tell us one thing: Stop running. Just let yourselves be eaten. Face death!”
I run a hand through my dirty hair. “To be honest, I expected us to land in its stomach for real. I thought we were going to have to fight against gastric juices and find a hidden door between two intestines, like some gross organic level. But no. Being swallowed was the teleport trigger.”
I point to the wall behind us, symbolizing the previous floor. “I think the Tapupus go straight to digestion. They’re mobs, they’re part of the menu. We’re GodRunners. The mouth of the monster was just a loading screen.”
I stretch, feeling my joints crack. “I was so burnt out after the storm that I couldn’t see anything. It took that good six-hour nap, tied to the mast, to get my head clear and connect the dots. Laziness saved the day again.”
Chris looks at me with shining eyes, an almost religious admiration painted on his dirty face. Kim says nothing. She looks away, pretends to check her magazine, but I hear her whisper something inaudible that sounds vaguely like a “thanks” or “good job.” Coming from her, it’s the equivalent of a love declaration.
Suddenly, an avalanche of sounds rings in my head. Ching! Ching! Ching! My interface goes wild.
[Donation]: [The Bored Strategist] sent you 5 Gold Coins. Message: “Nice move with the Pinocchio thing. I admit, I did not get the reference.”
[Donation]: [Goddess of Luck] sent you 10 Gold Coins. Message: “Surviving that… You have more luck than talent, mortal.”
[Donation]: [The Monkey King] sent you 2 Gold Coins. Message: “You did not tremble before my little cousins. You are less stupid than you look.”
I watch my balance climb slowly, coin by coin. It’s humiliating. “Hey!” I shout at the ceiling. “Two coins? What’s this stingy tip? I just survived a major psychological trauma and you’re throwing me crumbs? At this rate, next time, I’m cutting the feed. You want a 4K show? Then pay the Premium subscription, you cheapskates!”
I close the interface with a flick and turn to the real treasure. The chest. “Alright, let’s see what the System gives us for surviving whale indigestion.”
I open the lid. A golden light, much more intense than last time, floods the room.
[Survival Reward: Floor 4] :
- 300 Cosmic Gold Coins.
- 5 Health Potions (Mediocre).
- 5 Mana Potions (Mediocre).
- High Visibility Vest (+5 Defense) [Class: Garbage Man][Common].
- Swift Boots (+5 Speed) [Class: Porter][Common].
- Tactical Vest (+5 Defense) [Class: Screaming Sentry][Common].
I pull out my gear. It’s a fluorescent yellow vest. With reflective strips. “Beautiful,” I grit out. “The ultimate camouflage. With this, I’m a neon sign screaming ‘All-you-can-eat buffet here!’. Even a blind monster could snipe me.”
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
I toss the boots to Chris. “Here, Cinderella. For running faster when you’re carrying my bags.”
I slide the tactical vest toward Kim. “And this is for you. Try not to get your skin full of holes with this.”
I share the gold equally, and once equipped with my ridiculous yellow vest, I open my status menu to see the damage.
PLAYER STATUS]
Identity: Beno?t de Balzac | Race: Human | Age: 40
Class: Garbage Man | Rank: None | Global Ranking H(Human): None
[Attributes]
HP (Health): 310 / 310 (+100)
MP (Mana): 0 / 0
Attack: 40 (+21.7)
Magic: 0
Defense: 31 (+15)
Magic Defense: 0
Speed: 11 (+4) (30 km/h)
[Skills]
[Observation of the Useless] Level 1
[Recycling] Level 1
[Public Nuisance] Level 2
[PROGRESS REPORT]
+100 HP (Floor 4 Combat)
+21.7 Attack (Floor 4 Combat)
+10 Defense (Floor 4 Combat)
+5 Defense (High Visibility Vest)
+4 Speed (Floor 4 Combat)
I let out a low whistle. Surviving four days at sea fighting flying fish and gravity did wonders for my physical condition. I’m still a hobo, but a very resilient hobo. I close the window and turn to Kim. “Tell me, Kim. Your ‘Sponsor’… did he already do this tower? Does he know the strats? Because if he’s got the solution, it’s time to share it.”
Kim shakes her head while putting away her potions. “Yes and no. The Tower of Destiny is a universal constant, but its content changes for every species, in every cycle. What we are living through? The Tarsiers, the Whale, Pinocchio? That’s brand new content.”
She points at the void, where the divinity chat scrolls invisible to her. “That’s why they’re watching. That’s why there are so many spectators. For the Divinities, we aren’t a rerun. We are the ‘World Premiere’. A new, unpredictable episode. They are discovering the traps at the same time as us.”
I chuckle, a bitter sound. “Great. We aren’t heroes, we’re the new Netflix show for Olympus. ‘Survivor: Apocalypse Edition’.”
I turn to Chris. “Your turn, kid. Let’s see the beast. You held the mast for four nights of storm and took twenty-kilo swordfish hits. Let’s see how that looks.”
Chris, a bit hesitant, opens his interface and shares it.
[PLAYER STATUS]
Identity: Christian de Balzac | Race: Human | Age: 13
Class: Porter | Rank: None | Global Ranking H(Human): None
[Attributes]
HP (Health): 480 / 480 (+300)
MP (Mana): 0 / 0
Attack: 35 (+24)
Magic: 0
Defense: 54 (+40)
Magic Defense: 0
Speed: 20 (+12) (36 km/h)
[Skills]
[Logistical Resilience] Level 1
[Minor Interception] Level 1
[Equipment Cleaning] Level 1
[PROGRESS REPORT]
+300 HP (Fierce combat floors 1, 2 & 4)
+24 Attack (Fierce combat floors 1, 2 & 4)
+38 Defense (Fierce combat floors 1, 2 & 4)
+2 Defense (Leather Breastplate)
+5 Defense (High Visibility Vest)
+5 Speed (Swift Boots)
+7 Speed (Fierce combat floors 1, 2 & 4)
I almost choke. “You’re a Raid Boss, for god’s sake! You’ve got more health than an Orc!”
“My arms… they hurt a lot,” he admits timidly.
“No kidding. You took a lot in defense just by getting beaten up by the waves. You’re officially our brick wall.”
I turn to Kim. “And you, the pro? Show us your carry stats.”
Kim displays her status with a professional air, but I detect a hint of pride.
[PLAYER STATUS]
Identity: Kim de la Fayette | Race: Human | Age: 26
Class: Screaming Sentry | Rank: None | Global Ranking H(Human): None
[Attributes]
HP (Health): 350 / 350 (+150)
MP (Mana): 250 / 250 (+250)
Attack: 75 (+55)
Magic: 0
Defense: 44 (+31)
Magic Defense: 0
Speed: 35 (+17) (43 km/h)
[Skills]
[Chaos Ballistics] Level 1
[Rupture Cry] Level 1
[Sniper Eye] Level 1
[PROGRESS REPORT]
+150 HP (Fierce combat floors 1, 2 & 4)
+250 MP (Rare Class Bonus)
+10 Attack (Rare Class Bonus)
+33 Attack (Fierce combat floors 1, 2 & 4)
+2 Attack (Rogue Knife)
+20 Attack (Rifle)
+10 Defense (Rare Class Bonus)
+16 Defense (Fierce combat floors 1, 2 & 4)
+5 Defense (Tactical Vest)
+10 Speed (Rare Class Bonus)
+7 Speed (Fierce combat floors 1, 2 & 4)
“75 attack…” I whistle. “Okay. So Chris tanks everything, I pick up the trash, and you one-shot everything that moves.”
I clap my hands. “Alright. We’ve got a comp that looks like something. We’re ugly, we smell, we’ve got shit classes, but we’ve got stats. That’s all that matters.”
Before crossing the Guardian door, I raise my hand. “Wait. We aren’t going yet.”
I open the ranking tab. The numbers moved during our ocean crossing.
[Tower Ranking] [Current Position]: 912,450,102nd.
[Time Remaining]: 24 Days.
[Status]: SECURE.
I grimace. “We’ve lost places. We’re back in the 900 millions.”
“Chris is worried,” the boy mutters.
“It’s normal,” I temper. “I imagine a bunch of people must’ve been swallowed directly on the first day by the whale without understanding anything, so they cleared the floor in record time.”
As soon as I finish my sentence, a new vibration runs through the air. It’s an administrative notification. The kind that makes your teeth vibrate.
[System Update]: Activation of the Global H Ranking.
[Concept]: Power. In order to evaluate the combat value of each participant, the System has generated a power index.
[Calculation Formula]: Power = (Attack + Magic + Defense + Magic Defense) Note: Passive survival values like Health, Mana, and Speed are not taken into account in the lethality calculation.
[Ranking]: You are going to be compared in real time to the survivors.
Kim frowns and does the math out loud. “Attack 75, Defense 44. That makes me a score of 119.”
Chris counts on his fingers. “Attack 35, Defense 54. I’ve got 89! Is that good?”
“40 Attack, 31 Defense. 71. I’m officially less dangerous than a toaster.”
A new window appears, revealing our world rank. The verdict falls.
[Global H Ranking] :
- Kim de la Fayette: Rank 55,402
- Christian de Balzac: Rank 1,250,890
- Beno?t de Balzac: Rank 965,000,000
I look at my rank. I’m ranked in the billions. There are probably babies and people in comas who are better ranked than me.
Kim whistles, impressed by her own score. “Top 55,000… That’s not bad for a start. I’m in the elite.” She turns to me with a small smirk, the first one I see that isn’t sadistic. “Don’t worry, old man. You’re maybe useless statistically, but you’re a good leader. We’ll protect you against level 1 rabbits.”
“Shut it. Look at this as an escort mission. I’m the fragile and annoying NPC with a doubtful AI that you’ve got to protect at all costs to clear the quest. If I die, it’s Game Over for your strategy. So try to be worthy of the mission, you bodyguards.”
Kim rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t reply. Chris nods with a comical seriousness, taking his role as a human shield very to heart.
Suddenly, a new column of light hits the center of the room.
[System]: Appearance of the Fourth Tier Guide.