Sam immediately moved forward, selecting the SELL option and dragging the shovel and firearms she’d gathered, putting them one by one into the slot and immediately selling them.

  

  >> Common Shovel: Standard value 5 Belch Bucks | Current value 4 Belch Bucks

  >> Common Long Barrel Shot Gun: Standard value 100 Belch Bucks | Current value 80 Belch Bucks

  >> Common Rifle: Standard value 130 Belch Bucks | Current value 96 Belch Bucks

  “What the hell, Nero,” Sam said. “What’s the deal with this ‘current value’ business?

  [Nero] Items suffer wear and tear the longer you own them, and the kiosk will automatically conduct an assessment of each object you are attempting to exchange and evaluate its actual value as opposed to what it would fetch if in pristine condition. Weapons lose value the moment they are picked up and will lose further value the more use they get. It is the same with any object; however, as I mentioned earlier, with an exchange coupon you can get the full price for an item at a similar level as the coupon itself.

  She completed the sale and pocketed the 200 Belch Bucks, then moved to the BUY menu and started looking through various items.

  “I don’t wanna be a dick,” Pete said, scratching his head, “but wouldn’t it have been better to keep one of those guns?”

  She shook her head. “They don’t work. Barrels are stopped up. I just ripped them off the stands in my neighbor’s man cave and threw them in the truck.” She turned to him. “Now that you’re all patched up, can you head back there and grab me everything else I left in there? Not sure it’s gonna be worth much, but we’re gonna need as much cash as we can get hold of.”

  Pete nodded, turning and running towards the truck. When he climbed into the rear tray, he saw a power drill with its battery pack still intact, a sandwich press, the bag of various tools, and a wooden bar sign with a picture of a large-breasted woman holding an overflowing glass of beer and smiling. The words ‘Dug’s Drinkhouse’ were written in garish writing across the bottom of the sign.

  It took two trips to lug all of the gear back to the kiosk, but Pete managed it in quick time. When he returned with the last of the gear, everything else had already been sold. Sam quickly pushed everything into the vending machine and racked up a total of 350 belch box for all of it combined.

  She bought a standard Loot Lure and picked up Market Insight, Capital Stability, and Speculative Yield, hoping to build on intelligence, wisdom, and luck. She also picked up a Common medkit, then navigated to a section of the menu where the available classes were listed.

  “Ah, you sure we’ve got time for this?” Pete asked.

  Sam waved him away. “We’re fine. Still got at least two minutes until they reach us.”

  “I thought that’s what you said ages ago?”

  She shrugged, grinning. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have sold your Novice Arena Map and you’d still be able to see them.”

  Pete quickly checked his gauntlet to confirm what she was saying and found that there was no mini map option at all.

  “Shit!”

  Rasping laughter came from the ground nearby, where Coop was standing.

  “She got you there, boy.”

  “It’s fine,” Sam said, navigating through the menu to find what she was looking for. “They’ll be here soon, but I know exactly what kind of build I’m going for, so this won’t take long.”

  Pete stared at the screen, watching as various new class options appeared. “You’ve got enough to get a class already?”

  

  +| Blue Chip Brawler [Warrior Archetype]: 5000 Belch Bucks

  +| Market Manipulator [Mage Archetype]: 7000 Belch Bucks

  +| Black Market Broker [Rogue Archetype]: 7500 Belch Bucks

  +| Venture Capitalist [Summoner Archetype]: 8000 Belch Bucks

  “Nowhere near it, but I want to see what areas I should be working on to prepare for it.”

  She clicked on the Venture Capitalist class and navigated to a small print option that Pete hadn’t seen before.

  

  >> Shift from Fiscal Overlay? Yes/No

  >> Tired of keeping up with all the financial jargon? Keen to explore class details, initial spell options, class progression, and the like without having to make reference to Securitization, Arbitrage, or Quantitative Easing? Well, for a small, one-time fee, you can access the full details of a single class in a way you’re more comfortable with, such as standard earth-gaming lingo, or street slang, or even Eighties pop culture references. The choice is yours!

  Sam hit the ‘yes’ option.

  “Hey, wait,” Pete blurted. “That’s an option?”

  The screen showed the list of classes, and Sam picked the Venture Capitalist.

  Venture Capitalist [Summoner Archetype]: Turn off Fiscal Overlay 300bb

  “Damn it,” Sam hissed. “That stings.”

  She checked her wallet, sighed, and paid the money, much to Pete’s surprise. Before he could say anything, she turned to face him. “That’s everything I have. All the money I saved up before we came here.”

  [Nero] And you’ve picked the most expensive novice class. It may take quite a while before you are able to acquire sufficient funds to purchase it.

  She shrugged. “Maybe. But I’m hoping we can find a way to grind some cash. If we can take out those hobgoblins, that should give us a little coin. We’ve still got a way to travel, so we just need to find as many easy enemies as we can before we reach the novice arena, that’s all.”

  “Easy?” Pete blurted.

  “Easy enough.” She pointed back at the truck. “I’ve got a decent shotgun in the truck, and it works. Picked off a couple of goblins with it already. Nero, there should be a bunch more of those little guys running around too, right?”

  [Nero] If you mean Goblin Scrappers, yes. They are quite numerous and are commonly found in beginner areas of the contest.

  “Right,” Sam said, turning back to Pete. “I’ve got a bunch of ammo, and you’ve got that machete you didn’t sell, so we’ll just have to kill as many of them as we can on our way to the arena.”

  Coop snorted. “Just don’t let Penny Pincher Patsie here touch any of the loot, or it will be worthless.”

  “Good idea,” Sam said, barely suppressing a chuckle. “Maybe I should take all the loot for now, and we can split it up later. Besides, I’m the only one with a Loot Lure, right?”

  Pete felt like he was sandwiched between two swindlers, suddenly getting the raw end of a deal he’d never agreed to.

  “I get all the trash gear, though,” he countered.

  “What?” Sam asked.

  “All of your common gear. Anything you get that’s trash. I get it.”

  “Why the hell would you want my trash?”

  “Because I can actually get better money for it than I can the good quality stuff. Better than you’d get if you sold it. This way we both maximize how much we make.”

  She shrugged, nodded. “Okay, fair deal.”

  

  >> Fiscal Overlay turned off. You now have access to…calibrating…calibrating…your chosen summoner class title is…calculating…the Woe Binder.

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  >> WOE BINDER [SUMMONER ARCHTYPE]

  The Woe Binder is a pact-maker who binds infernal entities through chains of agony or binding agreements, forcing them to fight on their behalf. They weaken foes, feed on their suffering, and slowly grind the battlefield into despair.

  KEY ATTRIBUTES: Intelligence, Wisdom

  CLASS BONUSES: +20 to Intelligence, Demonic Pact - 2% of all damage done to enemies by a summoned infernal is given back to the Woe Binder as health.

  >> STARTING SPELLS:

  +| Summon Lesser Hellion (Summoning): Calls forth a weak infernal hound or imp bound in burning chains. The Hellion attacks nearby enemies, dealing small fire damage per strike.

  +| Chains of Agony (Debuff + DoT): Casts spectral infernal chains on a target, reducing movement speed and dealing damage over time. If the target dies while chained, the Woe Binder gains a burst of health siphoned from their agony.

  “Holy shit!” Pete said, reading the details of the class. “That looks awesome.”

  Sam nodded, grinning. “I always go with a summoner build. Great survivability, heaps of flexibility in a fight, and the pet gives me a way to bug out if shit goes bad.”

  Pete nodded. “Nero, can I do this with my class? Change it from this Penny Pincher shit to something that’s easier to understand like Sam’s class?”

  [Nero] Unfortunately not, Pete. As I have explained several times, this is a unique class. It is not one of the standard classes, so it does not fit within the standard parameters of the Mammon System. As such, it offers great potential, but you are also bound to work within the parameters the class exhibits.

  “Great,” Pete breathed. “So, I can fling coins at enemies and protect myself from a single hit. Oh, and I have to keep dealing with all this money-based shit.”

  [Nero] Do not forget, Pete, that your Pauper’s Ward ability blocks one hundred percent damage for a single blow. That provides a significant advantage. Your abilities will also increase as you level up your class.

  “Plus, that insane bonus to agility,” Sam pointed out. “Honestly, dude, I’d kill for your class. Remember, I’ve got eight thousand bucks to get before I can even unlock mine.”

  “And don’t forget me!” Coop said, butting her head against Pete’s shin like a cat. “You might be weak as a kitten on your own, but you’ve got me by your side, kid, so you’ll do fine.”

  [Nero] In addition, your unique class will have particular benefits that you will only discover as you progress.

  “Benefits like what?” Pete asked.

  [Nero] Hidden perks, skill boosts, temporary baths. That kind of thing. There may also be new abilities that become available to you as you increase your core attributes such as Liquidity.

  Sam kept reading details about her new class while Pete and Coop watched from behind. Something tapped at his right arm, and Pete turned around to see the three goblins he’d spoken with earlier standing nearby, staring up at him with broad smiles and vacant expressions.

  “Have you had time to consider the error of your avarice, young sir?” the closest of the goblins asked. “Are you ready to forsake the hollow greed that eats away at the Accumulax Dominion and follow the Pious Path of the Penniless Penitent?”

  Pete shook his head, wondering how creatures like this could even exist in such a brutal environment. How had these three not been picked off by marauding hobgoblins or crazed wolves yet?

  “I…ah…haven’t really had a chance to think about it yet, but I’ll definitely keep it in mind.”

  “I would be happy to guide you in a reading from The Testament of Ashes if you wish. Perhaps a thorough retelling of Brother Bartholomew of the Blank Ledger would help you choose the right path?”

  “I’m fine, thanks.”

  The head goblin leaned forward, eyes narrowing as he spoke barely above a whisper, his words intended for Pete alone.

  “There are great benefits to be had when you reject the world of wealth creation, young man. Great benefits, particularly to those who follow the path of thrift.”

  The little goblin drove a lot of significance into that last word. He stared up at Pete, eyes wide, as though expecting a specific response. Pete had no idea what the goblin was trying to say, but it was clear that there was some hidden message in his words.

  “There are benefits to being without wealth,” the goblin repeated, stopping short of winking but just barely. “Benefits to carrying an empty purse.”

  Coop lunged for the little goblin, clawing at his robe as the creature shuffled back, sudden alarm written across his features.

  “Take that Commie propaganda and shove it!” she hissed, standing protectively in front of Pete like some kind of guard dog. “Get your asses out of my sight before I rip it to shreds!”

  The lead goblin looked up at Pete and then back down at the ferret. He and his companions slowly backed away, their faces returning to the calm, cult-like serenity they had demonstrated earlier.

  “What the hell do you think that was all about?” Pete asked.

  “They’re just trying to recruit you, that’s all. Just ignore it, Pete. If we’re gonna win this thing, we need money. Lots of money.”

  Pete looked down at his gauntlet to confirm how much he currently had in his wallet.

  

  >> CURRENT FUNDS: 24 Belch Bucks

  He had a long way to go and his own class restrictions to get around. But if they did as Sam suggested and she took the more valuable items, leaving the trash to Pete, they could start to gather funds more quickly and efficiently. The larger problem was the enemy that was bearing down on them.

  The hobgoblins were dumb as a post but incredibly strong, and it had taken a combination of luck and teamwork to survive the previous encounter, let alone kill two of the brutes. Pete wasn’t as confident as Sam seemed to be that finishing off the other four would be easy.

  “Okay,” Sam said, turning away from the screen with a broad grin. “I’ve got everything I need.”

  Pete shook his head. “I can’t believe you spent 300 bucks on that one class. You don’t even get to do anything with it, and you could have bought a bunch of other core attribute slots with that money.”

  She shrugged. “I figure it’s going to take a while to stop gaining attribute points anyway, and I’ve picked up the three main categories I need to boost for my class. At least now I know what I’m heading toward, and I can just get on with it.”

  “Yeah, but you could have done that without changing the way the class information was set up. Even if you stuck with Venture Capitalist instead of Woe Binder, all the spells and shit would have been the same, right? Just seems like a waste of cash early on.”

  Sam chuckled. “Jealous much? Just because I had money to burn and you didn’t.”

  He opened his mouth to object but realized that she had hit on something. The fact was she could spend her own money however she wished, and who was he to say that blowing 300 Belch Bucks on removing the fiscal overlay from her favored class wasn’t a good way to spend her money?

  “Fair point, I guess.”

  Sam slapped him lightly on the shoulder. “Cheer up, bud. Plenty of chance to get more cash.” She pointed back towards the truck, and Pete saw the telltale smoke of oncoming hobgoblin vehicles in the near distance. “Just gotta make sure you don’t get killed in the meantime.”

  

  >> QUEST UPDATE: Class act.

  QUEST REWARDS: 300bb [killing all enemies], 100bb [killing or maiming some enemies], 50bb [fleeing]

  NEW REWARD: 5 Attribute Points [if all enemies are killed]

  >> QUEST UPDATE: Reach the Novice Arena.

  QUEST REWARD: Novice Arena Entrance Ticket.

  NEW REWARD: 5 Attribute Points

  TIMEFRAME: 47 Hours

  “See!” Sam said. “Looks like we’re gonna be able to start picking up attribute points with each quest now too. So, we’re golden.”

  She strolled off with an oddly fitting swag, ignoring the trio of white-robed goblins that attempted to pull her to the side so they could speak more about their religion. Pete watched her for a few moments, marveling once again at how fearless she was, how confident despite the crazy circumstances surrounding them.

  “I like her,” Coop said. “Girl’s got moxie!”

  Pete shook his head, jogging to catch up to Sam as he drew the machete from his inventory and prepared for the coming fight.

  “Nero,” Pete asked as he walked. “What’s the deal with experience and class levels? I mean, how do I know how far I am towards a rank-up?”

  [Nero] Once you have a full suite of core attributes, you will be able to access class leveling details. Essentially, class level-ups are a combination of total core attribute points and various bonuses you may acquire during the contest. If you hit a hundred total core attribute points, you will be able to increase your level.

  Pete was about to inquire into the nature of leveling up when the sound of shrieking tires drew his attention to the near distance, where four oversized vehicles were charging towards the intersection. The sound of screeching tires was punctuated by the constant bleating of horns, which sounded like goats being strangled.

  “Hold onto your asses!” Sam said, pulling a shotgun out of the truck and slipping spare shells into her pockets as she walked towards the oncoming enemy.

  Pete grinned, hefting the machete in his right hand and fanning out to the left of Sam’s position. He felt a thrill of excitement mixed with dread and practiced slowing his breathing as he’d done in the past before starting a basketball game.

  That’s all this was, he realized. Just a game. He and his team were facing off against a team of meat-headed brutes that were twice their size, but they were smarter, and this time they knew what was coming for them.

  “One more question, Nero,” he asked as Coop came padding up beside him. “Do I increase core attributes by performing certain actions? Like, if I run a lot, does my athletics increase?”

  [Nero] No. Core attribute increases are not earned through experience as such but are typically granted on completion of quests. They must be manually assigned. However, it is possible to win additional attribute points either by accessing loot boxes or performing great feats.

  “Got it,” Pete said, nodding to himself. “Guess I’ll just have to rack up some killer feats then.”

  [Nero] Proficiencies, however, are typically increased through direct experience.

  “Proficiencies?”

  [Nero] These are skills that relate to specific Core Attributes. With a focus on Liquidity [Agility], for example, you may gain proficiencies in dodging attacks, dual wielding if your soulbound weapon is conducive to dual wielding, climbing, and even physical fitness. Each of these skills can be increased simply by doing more of them. You will increase after a certain amount of experience performing each proficiency, and the more you do, the higher your proficiency level and the greater your capacity to perform actions relating to these.

  “Okay, so how come I haven’t picked up any of these proficiencies yet?”

  [Nero] You will be able to begin increasing proficiencies once you have a full complement of Core Attributes. You currently have three of your seven required Attribute slots established but will need to purchase the other four in order to start gaining proficiencies.

  Pete nodded. At fifty bucks a pop, he was still two hundred bucks away from acquiring a full set of Core Attributes. And he still didn’t have a Loot Lure. And he didn’t have any armor, and his only weapon was the stolen machete.

  And there were four very angry, very strong hobgoblins currently tearing through the street toward their position, each bearing axes and looking to kill and eat some humans.

  “Hold onto your ovaries,” Coop hissed by his side. “I’ve got a feeling this is going to hurt.”

  Pete turned towards the little ferret, wondering who on earth Old Lady Cooper really was and how the hell she had adapted so quickly to her new circumstances. As he turned back to consider the oncoming enemy, that thought was quickly replaced by more pressing matters.

  “Okay,” he said, gripping the machete handle a little tighter. “I’ve killed one of these fuckers already.”

  “Technically two,” Coop corrected.

  He nodded. “Right, so I just need to kill a few more, that’s all.”

  “Easy as pie.”

  “Yeah, easy as pie.”