There is a certain pleasure in the color white.

  Most people believe black is what represents the void, the absence of everything. But that is not so. It is light that blinds us and leaves us unable to see anything, the one that finally grants us our most wished calm.

  When I do not know what to think or feel, I go to my special place. There is nothing there, no voices or images to disturb me. Perhaps it is lonely, I find it pleasant. Necessary.

  Sometimes we do not need shadows. Just letting ourselves float in that sea of albino light, where there is no breeze to comb us, or rain to baptize us in our mortal filth.

  The result of existing.

  “Are you planning to tell her at some point?”

  I sin in order to live.

  “No way.”

  The question fell like a guillotine over a bare neck, and yet Feralynn merely shrugged. Indifferent to the seriousness that fatal possibility carried. It was because, in truth, she did not hesitate to answer, nor did she have to blink to decide.

  I lie so as not to hurt.

  Two clouds of smoke formed toward the clean sky. Romina and Fer were lying on their backs, each smoking down to the filter of their cigarette butts, sprawled on a picnic where the food was sandwiches of bitter memories, and to drink there was only self imposed reflection with a taste of dry lemon.

  Teacher and student. Both coexisting on that inkless canvas, both needing and using the sweet nicotine to cope with this weekly task.

  Their faces half covered by the shadow of the girl’s soul. That heart red like her eyes. Enormous, with scars beating calmly, with more sutures. It rotated on its axis at a pleasant slowness.

  With more desire for self control. Or fear of not hurting.

  “Why would I have to tell her?” Fer asked, lighting another cigarette with her old zippo. “Oh, Annya, I was in a war and I murdered a lot of people with my bare hands! Want to go get some ice cream after classes?”

  She snorted, smiling with sarcasm to the side. Romina, with the same lost and calm look as her, exhaled through her nose with the familiar exhaustion of hiding the truth in order to sleep better at night.

  “You shouldn’t tell her like that. In truth, I can’t blame you for not wanting to tell anyone else. One usually shares their pain with those they love most. Vulnerability is what forges empathy, and strengthens bonds.”

  “I do not need to show myself vulnerable,” Fer cut in.

  Romina turned, smiling with the sweetness of someone who knows exactly which arrow to shoot.

  “But do you want to show yourself like that?”

  Feralynn’s lips parted slightly, letting the cigarette tilt over her mouth. She turned to look at her teacher with her eyes slightly open. She blinked, confused, and looked back at the sky.

  “Your emotions are not ammunition, lioness,” Romina exhaled, her breath merging in the nonexistent air. “Even pistols jam after pulling the trigger many times.”

  Fer didn’t answer. She stayed with her eyes half closed, wishing there were a distraction, anything that would make her forget the memories they had just dealt with in today’s therapeutic session.

  “I hate that this place is so empty.”

  Satisfied with planting a seed in her student’s head, Romina copied her, lifting her gaze again.

  “It’s your soul, lioness. If it’s empty it’s because you want it that way.”

  “That doesn’t make sense. If it’s my soul, why is there never anything, or noise, or anyone else?”

  The elf shrugged, extinguishing her cigarette with a twist of her wrist against the white ground. The ashes left a visible mark on the canvas.

  “I am not the one to answer that. Stillness bothers your conscious mind, but it seems your unconscious doesn’t. It desires it.” She exhaled smoke, her serene gaze watching the puff get lost in the sterile limbo. “It is peaceful.”

  “And sad,” Fer added with acidity. “Professor, what’s in your soul?”

  The woman smiled faintly to the side.

  “Hm, not that much really. A wooden cabin by the lake, a beautiful view of the mountains, and pines. Lots and lots of green pines.”

  “And is there anyone else there, or just you?”

  That caught her attention. She exhaled deeply through her nose again.

  “It’s only me, because it’s my special place. But…” she caressed her student’s black hair with one hand, “I have a book in that cabin. A photo album. And on every page are all those who matter to me. Every single one of them.”

  “Even… me?”

  She laughed softly.

  “Especially you, Fer. Entire pages saving your butt from Astera.”

  Fer smiled, looking away. Each of the private evaluations with the headmistress seemed like high level military trials or mad lab analysis. Sometimes both options were on the same day.

  “It’s like she hates me or something,” she said, gently moving her teacher’s hand away from her hair. “I think I haven’t seen her smile even once since the year started.”

  “You don’t cooperate much either, you have gotten into trouble lately in Arcane Defense classes.”

  “Hey, it’s not my fault the others are so damn weak. Besides, Professor Bernt doesn’t let me participate in duels as much as Sebastian did. So damn boring to only use dummies.”

  Romina shook her head.

  “I would rather you be bored with mannequins than break one of your classmates’ limbs.” She paused briefly, raising her eyebrows at the image forming in her head of every first year student in casts. “Or all of them.”

  “All of them except one,” Fer clarified with a frown, her chest full of envy.

  “Miria, hm?” Romina laughed softly. “So far she has been the only one capable of facing you head on. And something tells me you enjoy tying with her, don't you?”

  “She is a spoiled show off who thinks she is better than everyone else,” Fer spat without venom. “Since winter started her powers have increased. Tsk, arrogant and a cheater.”

  “You are the only one who calls others weaklings.”

  Touché. Fer snorted, her pride deservedly slapped by the woman’s retort. Faced with the silence that followed, she changed the subject.

  “Professor, what really happened to Professor Sebastian?”

  If there had been trees in Fer’s soul, the wind would have already blown some over them to accentuate the funereal silence that erased Romina’s smile.

  This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

  “He resigned,” she lied. “He got a better job at the Royal Guard Academy as a duelist assistant. They pay well. Sebi was always frivolous and about numbers. The juicy salaries of that institute are attractive, heh. Strange that you care about your teachers.”

  The girl frowned, sharpening her gaze and her voice to begin her observations.

  “That same day there were no classes.”

  Romina nodded with her eyes closed, with the calm of someone reaffirming the weather.

  “Astera issued a statement to all parents, left a recorded message on all phones.”

  She nodded again.

  “In the news there was an accident, an explosion in a neighborhood not very far from mine. His name appeared in the news, that it was an accident.”

  Again, Romina nodded.

  “My mom said Astera sounded sad.”

  The teacher shrugged, feigning indifference, without answering. Fer sat up abruptly, fixing her gaze.

  “She never sounds sad.”

  Feeling the intense red of the girl’s eyes, Romina extinguished her cigarette.

  “Are you a detective now, hm?”

  “It just… seems a little strange to me. An explosion, we change more professors all of a sudden, Astera sad, and the castle is more…” she swallowed. “Protected.”

  “Do you say that because of the stone knights? They have been here for ages, they are as old as Smiley. He summons them in winter for decoration. Says it suits the snow.”

  Fer crossed her arms, still maintaining her firmness against her teacher’s apparent feigned nonchalance.

  “The twin clowns are watching the whole time,” the girl added. “In the courtyard and the hallways. They keep an eye on everyone. Especially on me and Miria.”

  “Chappi and Choppi are not just butlers, you know. Cleaning windows and polishing floors is not the only thing they do.”

  “That doesn’t explain the dragons.”

  Romina sat up, shaking the ashes from her clothes.

  “They’re drakes. For fifth year bestiology classes.” She sighed in a defeat she did not want to admit. “Girl, I think you’re going off the rails. Does playing Sherlock work as a distraction from you know what, hm?”

  Feralynn blinked twice, fast. Then, when she finally understood from her mischievous look, she felt the heat climb up her neck to her cheeks.

  “I’m not interested in wasting time on that,” she growled with a frown. “It sounds ridiculous.”

  “The winter dance has been a school tradition for centuries, and it’s once a year. If I were you, I wouldn’t miss the chance to invite–”

  “PROFESSOR!”

  Romina raised her hands in a gesture of arrest at the loud, panicked shout of her student, laughing with an unlit cigarette in her mouth.

  “Easy, easy now! Don’t burn me!” she raised her arms in a shielding gesture. “I was just going to say it’s a good opportunity to invite one of the first year boys. I know it’s difficult, I’m completely sure that if you went with one, he’d have to be the one wearing the dress.”

  Fer’s fists and jaw clenched. Tense at the idea of the dance. She forgot an important detail of her new life: traditions. Before, they served to train with her dad until her fists bled, or the sacred ritual of the hunt in the forests. Now, the Academy of Larion slammed her with several of them, and a big one for each season.

  The autumn fair, where she and her friends sold colorful pastries in the castle courtyard, which opens its doors that special week for all the families of the city.

  The elemental tournament, which would be in later months in the end of spring before holidays.

  She doesn’t remember the summer one, nor did she care to when all the alarms in her head were blaring like firefighter sirens at the idea of a “ceremonial dance.”

  It wouldn’t be like the Halloween party, where despite how much it cost her every fiber of her being, she stepped onto the dance floor. There would be dresses, candelabras, fine decorations that screamed: “you’re not ready for this war, soldier.”

  “I really don’t want to think about… that.”

  Her voice came out timid, something that bothered her completely. There is a monumental difference between dancing and fighting. In both you are vulnerable. But only in one do you connect, and not eliminate the targets.

  Romina adjusted herself, sitting with her hands behind her back as a relaxed support. She tilted her head, with the smile of an aunt watching her niece grow up.

  “When I was your age I invited Bernt. It was the worst night of my life because my dress got ruined when I fell down the castle stairs.” Her smile widened at the memory. “He didn’t care, and we danced until our feet broke. Of course, he’s a terrible dancer. If you’re going to invite a first or second year, I recommend he at least knows how to move. Otherwise, you always have one of the stone knights, at least they won’t step on your feet by accident.”

  Fer snorted with a half smile, shaking her head at the silly joke.

  “I’ve danced before, or something like that. A little bit, I think…” she swallowed. “But that’s not the problem…”

  Instinctively she hugged her legs, and the white void where they were began to tint into a gradual gray, as if the almost imperceptible clouds were holding their breath.

  “Professor, I… don’t know if I’d want to invite a… boy.”

  Romina didn’t joke, didn’t smile. She only gave her the space to express herself at her own pace.

  “I don’t know… I don’t like them that much. I don’t really feel completely comfortable with them. Well, except Jax but he’s a friend. And I don’t want to dance with a stranger just because we’re in the same class… I would like to dance with… with…”

  “Annya?”

  A thunder roared in the already grayish void where they were sitting, answering the silence of Feralynn. The enormous red heart beat fast, each pulse expelling a wave of energy that Romina felt even in her own. She lifted her gaze, feeling in her ribs the heavy weight her student was carrying. As light as a dwarven steel anvil on a piano.

  “You can invite her as a friend.” She lightly tapped Fer’s shoulder to lift her spirits. “There’s no rule that says it has to be a couple of the opposite gender. And if there were…” she smiled, proud. “I wouldn’t doubt you’d break it, lioness.”

  Feralynn said nothing. She kept her silence with her head lowered.

  “What if I lose control…?”

  “Why would you lose it with her in the first place?”

  Her question came out like a forbidden whisper.

  “Sometimes, when I’m alone with her, the mark… hurts. A lot. She has noticed and…it sucks.”

  The confession made the heart spill that black tar over the cracks that hadn’t been dealt with yet, staining the white ground like oil.

  She lifted her uniform to show the Seal of Cain on her abdomen, which pulsed with a faint burgundy light at that precise moment.

  “It scares me… because this thing is supposed to activate when I’m being… dangerous. But I’m not hurting anyone with Annya!”

  “Feralynn–”

  “No! How long do I have to keep this crap in my body?!”

  The tears didn’t fall from her eyes, her frustration and helplessness at not being able to feel like a normal girl wouldn’t let her cry. Her soul expressed that need with a torrential rain that fell everywhere except over the two of them. The black tar spread, thick as poisonous syrup.

  Romina placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, noticing that the thunder fell harder, and more often, and that the black liquid threatened to reach them.

  “Feralynn, listen,” she said with a firm but not aggressive voice. “That seal you have is for containment, and it activates in the face of intense emotions. It’s not only when you feel dangerous stress. You’re the first student we’ve had with a seal of that kind.”

  With a knot in her throat, Fer frowned at the burning forming in her belly.

  “Astera still treats at me like I’m a loaded gun… and Smiley doesn’t help since he has been absent… And I don’t want to tell Mom… I don’t want her to worry more than she already does…”

  Another thunder. Romina tightened her grip to remind her she’s not alone. That she doesn’t have to go through this without anyone’s help.

  “My lioness,” she whispered, putting them both on their feet. “Your emotions are so powerful… no catalyst glove could withstand them… but you are not a weapon. You are a young girl. A young and confused girl who is discovering what she wants and what she doesn’t, what she likes, and what she doesn’t.”

  She hugged her, and with just that gesture the thunder ceased, the black tar retreated in fear when Feralynn returned the embrace with more strength.

  “Professor, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up… and I don’t know if Annya would want to dance at a dance like that with a girl like… me. What if the seal activates and I make a fool of myself–?”

  “Shhh, shhh,” Romina hushed like an owl against insomnia, delicate and soft. “There are still several weeks before the dance, by then, if everything goes well, we can talk to Astera to remove your seal at least for one night.”

  Feralynn lifted her gaze, hope made her gape, and the shine in her eyes came all at once. Remove the seal for one night? It was hard to believe her professor would argue with the headmasters to do it.

  “Would you really do something like that…?”

  Romina nodded, with a determined smile.

  “Only if we improve in our sessions.”

  Fer sighed, letting her head fall in a mix of relief and resignation.

  "First the tournament, now the dance. Don't know how could I ever repay you. Between all of this and the exams I’ll need two more seals not to go crazy…”

  Both laughed softly, and, very slowly, the gray clouds cleared, finally letting color in: light blue. A calm sky without sun, but with light.

  “I also want a photo album,” Feralynn said, slowly releasing the embrace.

  “And what kind of photos do you plan to put in it?”

  Fer lifted her gaze. She closed her eyes and breathed very deeply, letting the scent of pine and freshwater lake fly freely in her soul.

  “I got a couple of ideas in mind.” When she exhaled, the rain stopped. “Just what I consider most important.”

  "Seems like you know what you want to keep."

  With her hands in her pockets, Fer just waited in silence for Romina's spell to finish. Her mind gathering what other photos she'd wish to save.

  ?