Escaping was the simple part. The next phase would be so much harder. After looting the office of anything useful, I made my way down to the elevator. Dodging some more agents by hiding in a supply closet after Jenny said I was in the danger zone.

  I would have just hidden there for a minute, but I could hear the bastards standing outside. They were chatting on the job, so of course they decided my hiding spot was the best place. Luckily, they left moments later after saying something about hooking up.

  Then, I robbed the supply closet. Hey, I had already broken one of the cardinal rules of the home office. Might as well double down, baby. A dirty blues guitar resounded, sharp and mean. A crisp voice declared I was bad to the bone.

  "Oh, I'm the baddest, Jenny," I said as I shoveled spray cans and lighters into my suitcase.

  I cautiously left the closet and dashed for the elevator down the hall once I finished plundering. Gingerly, I pressed the down button, trying to recall what level the portal room was on. Yes, this place had a portal room, and no, I didn't know how to use it. Totally winging it right now, let's see how that goes.

  Pressing the button for level three, the elevator sprang to life, and I felt my stomach drop. Never enjoyed that feeling. Nervously, I kept glancing up at the slowly descending number, wondering why it was so slow and also why no elevator music. Jenny came to the rescue and played some smooth jazz for the ride. Thanks, babe, you are the best telepathic artificial intelligence I've ever jammed into a smartphone. Any guy would be lucky to have you.

  Tapping my feet to whoever was going to town on that saxophone. Letting the soft jazz flow through me, unable to control my feet. Swaying from side to side in time with the music. Just as the saxophone reached a crescendo, we reached our destination. The doors opened and, thankfully, revealed an empty corridor. Which makes sense. No one really used this floor.

  Not wasting any more time, I sprinted down the corridor, turned a few corners and barrelled through the door labelled Portal Room. Thanking Jenny for unlocking the room with her phenomenal hacking powers, she praised herself with the smooth voice of a certain blue genie, reminding me I've never had a friend like her.

  Never been in here before. I braced for whatever came next. Instead of what I expected, I got a very different vibe from the place. Honestly, it looked like another storage room. Kind of like a scaled-down version of the Stargate chamber, except with no bored soldiers playing cards.

  The place was sparse, and the only thing of prominence was the giant tarp hung over the arch of a probable portal. Pulling away the tarp, the arch, in all its glory, presented its magnificent self. Its shabby appearance disappointed me; I questioned whether it even worked. Picture a miniature Stargate, with the chevrons replaced by layered on runes and the thing rusted over a millennium of disuse. With a computer from the Earth's nineties taped to the side.

  "Do you know how to work this?" I asked Jenny out loud.

  A sultry disco groove played, and Jenny proclaimed, yes sir, she can boogie. I took that as a yes and immediately went over to the computer. Switching the ancient machine on, the loading screen took forever to load. Every second frayed my already frayed nerves. Any moment I could get dog piled by some sharply dressed men and maybe one woman.

  After several eternities, the loading screen completed its dark ritual, prayed to the evil gods and granted us a boon. I needed a bloody password, rendering my escape plan impossible.

  Smooth jazz and a Latin-inspired piano riff came over me like a rescue from the deepest ocean. Told me not to worry about a thing. Turning back to the computer, I noted it glitching out before a billion passwords jammed their way into the text box. One of them must have worked because a list of planets cascaded down the screen.

  Oh yeah, baby, let's bail somewhere far away. So far that not even the gods could find me. Sadly, this was for not, since every planet on that list was a system world. No bailing to another universe.

  I had initially thought Grimgard, but with all these options, I had hoped somewhere out of sight. The bastards didn't update this computer with the new database. Even a few system worlds were missing.

  "By the void and all its dickish relatives, how the hell am I going to get out of here!?" Very foolish words came streaming out.

  I was not sure if it was the volume or just bad luck. But I heard a door open and footsteps approaching. Having mere moments until they busted in. Certainly, a bunch of shapeshifters who could enlarge themselves at will could break down the door.

  Maybe I should just give up. The gods could be lenient, who knows? I recalled everything I knew about gods in the few seconds I had left and realised that was a stupid idea. Sitting with my back against the portal, feeling the warm metal against my neck, I waited for the inevitable.

  An agent's face appeared through the door's window, scowling like he was about to get even with the chosen one. Unfortunately, I wasn't The One and couldn't just superman my way out of here. All I could do was wait and maybe have one last drink. As I reached for my suitcase, the portal sprang to life. The swirling world pool of spatial magic coalesced into an unfamiliar place. It looked like a forest, perhaps. I could hear the chirping of birds and felt the warmth of the true sun. The portal's computer was wigging out, glitching like an epileptic at a strobe light convention.

  A dramatic melody climbed slowly into my head. She called us to a world of adventure, to jump blindly into the unknown. I was no ice queen, but screw it. If Jenny thought it was a chill idea, who am I to argue? Flipping off about five agents as they broke through the door in a mad dash. I jumped back through the portal, giving them one last farewell.

  "Sorry, dudes, I'm not the one for you."

  The portal snapped shut as I landed on solid ground and immediately got mud on my professional business shoes. Clearly, wherever this was, it had recently rained. I was already regretting my decision, since this place definitely did not have central air conditioning.

  Now that I was practically a well-dressed babe in the wilderness. I figured that checking my equipment would be the best first option. After leaving the muck and saddling up against a tree, I opened the suitcase. The furry little devil pounced immediately, latched onto my face, and stared as if I had offended him.

  "Hey Jer, you good?" I inquired timidly.

  The only response I got was a hiss of pure bile and hatred before he leapt away. With such poise and ease, the feline landed gracefully and assessed the new environment. Only for a few seconds before he dismissed this world as he does everything else. Plopping himself down, he started grooming, scraping his ungodly sharp tongue across the dagger like flesh.

  Well, at least he wasn't eating me or disfiguring my pretty face. I had time to assess my environment and determine where I was and what I was going to do next. The obvious first step was the easiest.

  Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

  Jenny, oh Jenny, where in all the cosmos did you drop me? In sending that telepathic message, I awaited a musical answer, and like clockwork, I got one. Chilling and ominous, the music, absent any lyrics, was foreboding and eerie. It sent a prickly feeling down the back of my neck. A grim tale told without words, but through the instruments.

  "Grimgard? You dropped me on Grimgard? That's a world I used to manage!" I complained aloud.

  Jenny was silent as I fumed. This was not a place I wanted to go. It was a grimdark kind of world, perfect for fans of the dark fantasy genre. A world I just had to screw with while intoxicated.

  But then again, perhaps this was the best option. It would be the last place they would ever look for me. And without a connection to the system, I should be impossible to track. Just need not to make any noticeable waves and hide out for a while.

  "Alright then, it's fine. Good job." I praised her, even though she was just a series of complex programs.

  That's just me assigning labels to a machine. She was more of an it, but that just seems mean. But would labelling her as her be even meaner? Not sure why I was having this epiphany in the middle of the woods, but I wasn't exactly a normal person.

  "Hey Jen, are you cool with me referring to you as female?" I asked a literal machine.

  I mean, it wasn't exactly a machine. A god-powered system sanctioned computer created Jenny. My old setup could manipulate reality with keystrokes. Sadly, I couldn't make myself a god with it. Against the rules and that.

  Waiting for an answer, Jenny replied as expected. Bold, high-energy drums and layered vocals preceded a bellowing chorus. Declaring in a playful voice that she felt like a woman.

  Snorting, I chuckled a bit at the sheer personality of an AI construct. I was quite certain she wasn't entirely sapient, but a god-touched computer made her. So who knows what's going on with her.

  Still singing in the background, I gave her a thought to pump up the volume and sing along. I always liked to play music while I was sorting stuff out or coding. Turning it off for the big complicated stuff, but the mundane things always needed a little spice.

  "Short skirts." I mumbled the lyrics as I sorted my roster of weapons.

  Well, weapons was a bit of an overstatement. More like potentially weaponized office supplies. Separating the useful from the not sure what to do with it. I pulled the dangerous artefacts, such as the spray cans and lighters. The toaster was in the pile marked last resort if you have to positively waste everyone.

  The energy drink for when I wanted to go all night long. Coffee flask when I need to be a super fast Tweaker. A panini press that runs on magic, useful if I find some bread, cheese and ham. Cheese toasties are the bomb, and it is my divine right to share them with the world.

  The rest was silverware I hope I can pawn off to the locals. Hopefully, they'll take silver. I'm pretty sure they do, but it was never my area of expertise. I'm sure going to get swindled, but as long as I get enough cheddar, should be fine.

  With the stocks all sorted, I closed my suitcase and paused for a second. The clothes and suitcase were anachronistic. While I could carry them off as peculiar magic items, probably best to change a bit.

  Sadly, my suit could not shapeshift into travellers' clothes. It had a repair enhancement and some protection magic. While it wasn't as strong as enchanted full plate, it was pretty decent. The suitcase, however, had a few cool features.

  Scrolling the password lock on the suitcase to three sixes, I activated a morphing feature. The article shimmered with a blue light as the picture in my head came to life. The case morphed into a brown leather satchel. Donning the implement, I turned to Jeremy to face his judgement.

  "What do you think buddy, am I a dashing adventurer?"

  I received a feline glare followed by a hiss. Which was translated to I don't care and leave me alone. I did so and prepared to go on foot, hoping my friend would follow. Commanding that feline was out of the question.

  "Fine, be that way, but don't come crying to me when we run out of tuna." That got a reaction people could recognise as a death glare.

  I quickly checked the stock of tuna and found thousands of the little metallic cans. Benefits of an extra spatial suitcase, now traveller's satchel.

  "Alright, now that I've sorted the gear, Jenny, let's test out those nifty features I programmed."

  Jenny responded with a guitar riff and screamed a resounding yes! With the exuberant affirmation, I suppose we should get started.

  "Okay, Jen, establish a new program designated..." I paused, not sure what to call these features.

  I went through a few naming conventions, from hacking and admin tools to simply programs. But if I really thought about it, they were basically super cool system powers. A mischievous grin crossed my face as an idea came to the forefront.

  "Designate the new program. System Powers."

  [Program Created, Designation: System Powers]

  A mechanical feminine voice announced in my mind. Cool, the announcement system was working. I hadn't figured out how to create a status screen or user interface. That was some major coding; but with enough time and a better power source, I could swing it. Sitting against the tree, I mentally collated all the tools at my disposal. Jenny, list all the features available. Filter by tools to interact with and manipulate system constructs. Represent them in a skill list format. Smartphone in hand, a list appeared on the screen.

  [System Skill List.]

  [Prompt Notification. Description: Generate a status notification and cast to a subject's system interface. Range: 15 metres. Cost: 15 SP.]

  [Broadcast. Description: Broadcast a sound through the subject's announcement system. Range: 15 metres. Cost: 1 SP per minute.]

  [Scan. Description: Scan multiple subject status screens. Range: 30 metres. Cost: Variable.]

  [Rename. Description: Rename a single record on a subject status screen. Range: 15 metres. Cost 50 SP.]

  [System Points Available: 300/300.]

  The list of my available system powers was impressive. Decades of tending to my programming hobby had made me an adequate system programmer. I couldn’t hold a candle to the gods, but I could use their systems well enough.

  This was all previously a pet project of mine. An attempt to construct my own little system. Based on its design, with some minor improvements by yours truly. As a result, I had access to their system. Though it might require persistent use of a stealth program once the new artificial intelligence went online. But that was for another time.

  "What do the system points represent?" I asked, wondering if I was pushing the limits of text-to-speech capabilities.

  I was certain she couldn't articulate herself beyond pre-programmed responses. She had a text to speech application but could not plan clear language. It was an annoying limitation I didn't have time to correct. Thus, she is limited to using pre-existing sound files to communicate or basic text to speech data. In simple terms, she knew what she wanted to say but could only use sound bites or text data she had access to. Because no one programmed her to actually talk to people beyond notifications, she could not construct clear and concise language. They never intended for her to talk to people. And I suspect put in safeguards.

  [System Points. Description: Energy source to enable system-related features. Known more commonly as Experience Points or XP.]

  That made sense. What most of the mortals down on this planet didn't know was the truth behind Experience Points. It was more than just a number on a stat sheet; it was a unique energy source crafted by the gods, one capable of warping reality. It was a few steps down from raw divinity.

  "I know we charged up before we got here. That explains the current system points total. But down here, I would probably need to recharge, eventually. Unlike the rest of the natives, I didn't have a system or a class."

  [System Points will need to be harvested from common XP sources.]

  "Which are?" I asked, dreading the truth.

  [Known XP sources: defeated enemies, completed quests and achievements.]

  I was afraid of that; achievements and quests were out of the question. The moment I allow a quest to link to Jenny, it will send many red flags. Perhaps a spoofing program to make her look like a typical system interface. But beta testing that could be lethal.

  Achievements were the same; they were from the system itself and awarded to outstanding individuals. Same with quests, they required a direct connection to the home office.

  That left killing monsters for their XP. And that meant combat, which did not suit me. "Damn it, Jim, I'm an office clerk, not an adventurer."

  The idea of my going off on adventures to slay beasts was absurd. But then again, how was I going to use my free time? Hiding under a rock for the rest of eternity? That just wasn't me.

  "I should hide out, find some place and stay out of events. Stay low and stay quiet for all time."

  An orchestral rock ballad with haunting vocals from a brilliant singer. Asked the world, who wants to live forever?

  "I know, babe, I'm immortal, forever young and that means forever bored." I shrugged, accepting that fact. "If we went fully monster fighter, how do you think we could go about that?" I asked and awaited her lyrical reply.

  rating or review to strengthen my story with motivation!

  early access and support the author at .

  Discord — we’ve got snacks and chaos.