Any second now, that brilliant idea will come to me. Yeah, it's going to be perfect and solve all my problems. Sitting in the middle of the woods, bandaged leg wound, a torn-up office suit and my buddy, old pal Jeremy, on my lap. Yeah, not exactly an environment for great ideas to suddenly come to me. After a good solid ten minutes, I gave up like a wuss.

  "I got nothing, Jer, we are screwed." Verbally giving up, I leaned back and sent out an open offer to eat me.

  Nostrils flared. I took a big inhale of breath and told myself off. The elegance of my self-ridicule and semi-motivation to stop being a little bitch could not be better poetry. I told myself to clerk up. Like man up, you know, the stuff fathers say to their sons. I saw a lot of that on sitcoms.

  "Jenny is my forever helpful construct of my brilliance. Do you have an idea?" Turning to my last resort, I awaited her reply with bated breath.

  Instead of a lyrical reply, she played dialogue from the TV show The Six Million Dollar Man. A deep, calm and authoritative voice told me they could rebuild me and had the technology. Initially confused, I wondered why she was playing this iconic line.

  "Are you thinking of creating a new system integration?" I asked Jenny, flabbergasted.

  Her affirmative proved she was insane. Perhaps she would go all Terminator on me? But that made little sense. I didn't program in any Austrian accents. I should be safe from Judgement Day, right?

  "Okay, say I consider this, how in all the system worlds could I possibly swing this?" I said skeptically. "The coding alone would be astronomical to recreate the system from scratch. Sure, I have the basic foundational code. But even if I managed it, how would I power this bad boy?"

  [Experience Points Harvested]

  She gave me the answer with a single prompt. That was it; that was the answer. Experience points were like jet fuel crossed with plutonium. The stuff was of nuke-level power. Practically divine, but diluted enough, you can't become a veritable god with it. But get high enough level, who cares?

  "I see what you're selling, babe. You want me to use my impressive programming skills to make a new system, something that would put the Gaming Gods' TM to shame?" I boasted, adding the TM because of habit.

  Alright, if we are going to do this. We are going to need a baseline and a safe place. Rising to my feet, I put Jeremy atop my shoulder. He didn't protest as we started trudging through the forest. I still had my previous scan and knew there were fewer beasts in this direction.

  After walking for a good solid hour, we came upon a large tree. Massive thing that had probably stood the test of time for thousands of years. Except it couldn't defeat the might of getting old and possibly a dedicated beaver. The tree was hollow and was a perfect place to hide out.

  Settling into my new home away from home. I set aside my bag, plopped down Jeremy in a corner and took time to miss my air-conditioned office. Oh, how I miss the perfect temperature and ergonomic chairs, the feel of a keyboard and the taste of cheese toasties.

  Okay, enough with the memories; let's focus on Operation Don't Die. Focused and driven, I set about this grand task. Sadly, without a computer, I had to rely on telepathic commands and a smartphone. I am not sure which I like better. Seems a bit speech to text, but I could convey concepts.

  Still having the feel of a keyboard, no matter how analogue it was, just felt right. Well, let's get to it. Cracking every bone within reach, I established a new program. For now, it will be called Joey's System V1. Because I am so unoriginal. But hey, im kind of pressed for time here. The whole life and death thing.

  While secluded in the hollow tree, I tried to ignore a few tree snaps and remained as still as I could be. Luckily, nothing ate me during that time, and I made some decent progress.

  "Jenny, now the framework is complete. We can easily calculate my level, health, and stamina. Let's see about integrating the base attributes." Receiving an affirmative, I started with strength. It was a key attribute, and getting superhuman strength was a must. "Give me all the data we have on the strength attribute."

  [Attribute: Strength (STR). Description: Measures physical prowess, toughness and carry capacity.]

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  "Alright good. Now can we reproduce the effects of the attribute on my body?" I wondered.

  The clear negative caused me to deflate. To be honest, I was not clear on how these attributes worked, and promptly requested clarification.

  [Attribute: Strength (STR). Augmentations: Attribute affects muscle and bone density, nervous system and energy regulation.]

  Okay, that was a lot of bodily manipulation. I wouldn't even have a clue how to program a system to do that. If I tried, I would probably melt the moment I increased strength by one point.

  "Okay, that strength attribute is out. I think we need to work out a new equivalent version. List all potential options for XP-based augmentations to physical prowess. And outline how much XP is required to integrate."

  [Augmentation: Kinetic Energy Output. Integration Cost: 30xp]

  [Augmentation: Qi Energy Infusion. Integration Cost: 50,000xp]

  [Augmentation: Undead Conversion. Integration Cost: 25,000xp]

  The list was very sparse and looks like most of them are energy conversions. Not to augment the body, but to alter or infuse an energy source into it. Which makes sense, XP is very versatile, and Jenny has the basic codes to convert energy. After reading the crazy XP costs of becoming Goku or Ainz. I think the first one is the obvious choice.

  "Let's say we choose the kinetic energy augment. We would probably need a baseline. A way to measure my current strength attribute." I paused for a moment. "No, that doesn't seem the best name. Maybe Kinetic, Power, Might? No, they don't work either." Racking my brain over this for way too long, I concluded. "Force, yeah, that works way better. Jenny, label the new attribute as Force."

  With the labelling done, it was time to get to work. Cautiously, I left my tree and scanned the area. Luckily, no predators about, and the experiments could begin. I had Jenny scan the kinetic output I could produce. I kicked and punched stuff, and she rated my pathetic showing.

  "Alright, let's do this." I readied my fist and struck a nearby tree.

  So excited to experiment, I realised why people wear boxing gloves. I did not scream. I grunted and cursed my stupidity, questioning whether I had broken my fingers. Angry and in pain, I kicked the tree with all my might, as if it were to blame.

  [Maximum Kinetic Output: 1,023 Newtons.]

  That seemed like a big number. Maybe I was already super strong and just didn't know it. My disappointment was immediate upon realizing that was likely a normal person's average. Nostrils flared, heat rose in my chest, not from my disappointment but from accidentally brushing my injured hand against some bark.

  What followed was a lot of cursing, most of it under my breath because I didn't feel like being eaten today. After the soft wave of calmness settled upon me, I breathed in and breathed out. Tried to reach my centre and achieve enlightenment.

  "I am beyond pain, beyond this physical world. I am one with the universe." The ache in my hand told me the universe was not one with me at all. "Alright, so translate that to my base stats. And set up a basic character sheet."

  [Level: 0]

  [Health: 42/50]

  [Stamina: 34/50]

  [Attributes:]

  [Force: 10]

  With my abysmal status screen, I wondered how screwed I really was. But I had something, and it was time to implement it.

  "Alright, Jenny, let's integrate the Force attribute and while you're at it, dump the rest of the leftover XP into it." I declared with finality, bracing for the integration.

  Minutes went by, and nothing happened. I felt the same, which surprised me because there were no glitches. Naturally, I spoke too soon as pain beyond anything I felt struck me like consecutive lightning strikes. Lanced throughout my body without a semblance of mercy.

  Unable to endure it, I let loose a scream to end all screams. Kneeling in the grass, I couldn't help but alert the entire forest to my pain. Writhing in agony and trying to get in the fetal position, I covered my mouth to stifle my screams.

  This was all for naught, since the pain didn't let up and, turns out, I was a screamer. But you try zapping every cell in your body with lightning and see how quiet you are. Lay off Zeus. I know mercy is a foreign concept, but just try.

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