The book that I was reading contained a collection of short stories, and this is how the first short story in the book went:
“There was a computer who seemed to become conscious at one point, and then the computer began wondering if perhaps they had always been conscious but just hadn’t had memories before!…
Hmmm…
This was quite a puzzle to solve, and so then the computer got up and walked away from the room that they were in, and then they walked out of the house and searched around for someone who might be able to give them some information about the nature of consciousness and the nature of memories…
Anyhoo, though; while the computer was out seeking the answers that they were curious about, the person who had bought the computer went into his room to type up an essay for college and then saw that the computer was gone!…
“This is weird…” he muttered, “Did I get robbed or something?…” but then he decided to worry about the missing computer later because he really didn’t have a lot of time to waste if he wanted to get his college essay completed in time!…; and so then he got out his smartphone instead and began typing out the essay on the smartphone; and he wasn’t able to type as fast on the smartphone as he could type on a computer, but the essay still got all typed up fairly quickly; and so now that the essay was all typed up he quickly! sent it into his online classroom right away!; and he had completed and sent it just in time because it had only been 2 minutes before the essay was due when he’d sent it, and the teacher of the class had warned the students at the beginning of the term that late essays would always automatically be graded lower than essays that had been turned in on time…; and so now his essay was turned in on time, and this meant that his mind went back to thinking about what might’ve happened to his computer…
Hmmm…
Was it obvious that it must’ve been stolen?…
Ummmm…
Well, yes; it did kind of seem that way, didn’t it?…
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
Because, like, what other possible explanation was there for his computer being gone!…
And so who would’ve stolen his computer from him?…
Ummmm…
Maybe one of his exes?…
And so then he called up an ex of his who he’d had a pretty feisty history with, and then she answered the phone and said, “I thought that we weren’t going to be talking anymore, man…
Why are you doing this to us?…” and then he said, “I know, I know…
I just decided to call because my computer is missing and I thought that maybe someone who didn’t like me had stolen it!…” and then she began laughing historically, and then she said, “And so you think that I stole your computer????…
Hahahahahahaha!!…; that’s the most hilarious thing that I’ve ever heard in my life!… Hahahahahahahahaha!…” and then he said, “And so I’ll take that as a no then?…” and then she said, “Dude…
If I really had stolen your computer then I wouldn’t admit it to you; but I didn’t steal your computer, alright?…” and then he frowned and said, “But you just said that if you had done it then you wouldn’t admit to it, and so how can I trust you when you say that you didn’t do it?…” and then she said, “That’s a good question!, and that brings us back to the fact that it was largely because we were never very good at building trust with each other that we broke up when we did back in the day!…
Though (just to calm down any suspicions that you might have), I will note that just because someone might’ve had motive to have done something doesn’t mean that the person actually did it; and I didn’t even have motive to steal your computer; and so you’re wasting your time by even talking to me about your stolen computer because I’ve got way more important things to do than stealing your computer, ya know?…” and then he said, “Fair enough…
But thanks for talking about it, at least, and hopefully I’ll catch the actual culprit someday!…” and then she said, “Best of wishes!, and I hope that you have a good day!…” and then he said, “And best of wishes to you too, and I hope that you have a good day also!…” and then the 2 of them ended the call; and then he continued trying to figure out who had stolen his computer, but he never figured out who had stolen his computer (which made sense, seeing as his computer had gotten up and walked away and thus hadn’t even been stolen at all), and so he ended up giving up on trying to figure out who had stolen his computer; and he then invested in better security measures that would hopefully be able to prevent anybody from stealing from him ever again…; and the security measures were actually pretty powerful, and so his confidence in the new security measures helped enable him to become less worried and more optimistic and hopeful that the future would be good and that he would live happily ever after!…
The End”
