“It started when we were about halfway to the Head Honchkrow’s nest,” I explained, doing my best to remember. “We were ambushed– by an injured Vigoroth.” The recollection fired a connection in my mind, and I sat up in alarm. “That’s right, I caught the Vigoroth after a battle, along with a Slakoth, so they could get medical attention. Are they both alright?”
To my immense relief, Janine nodded emphatically. “Both are fine. Bakiru transferred them both to the Pokémon Center as soon as they arrived at the station. They’re still recuperating there, but they’re both slated to make a full recovery.”
I slumped in relief, and had to suppress a wince when the motion made something in my lower chest twinge. “Okay. Okay that’s good.” I took a couple of deep breaths, and continued, “Right. So after we fought, they told me that their troupe had been attacked. They were both injured, and I offered to help them, but before I could do more than basic aid, this buzzing noise started. It freaked out the Vigoroth and the Slakoth, so they agreed to let me capture them, but for whatever reason, even though I was over my carry limit, the Poké Balls didn’t transfer to the station.” I had suspicions about why that was, but Janine had asked for a report, not speculation.
“After that, I was trying to figure out what to do, when a Butterfree came tearing out of the trees and attacked us. There was something– wrong with them. They were clutching an orange crystal, a synergy stone, or a piece of one at least, and there were others too, dug into the Butterfree’s carapace.”
I heard a sharp intake of breath, but when I looked over to Janine, her face looked stoic as usual. She gestured for me to keep going, so I continued. “Everything after that happened so fast. They hit us with a Hurricane, or a really powerful Gust, and it sent me flying. I think a lot of my injuries came from that first attack.” My mind flashed back, to those initial moments of terrible violence, to the moment I was sent hurtling through the air. Screaming, me screaming, and terrible pain, a whirlwind of cut skin and churned earth.
If the move had been just a little bit stronger, a little bit better aimed. If my syn had been less trained, or more exhausted. If my partners had been just a little bit later on their Protects to stave off the poisonous follow-up.
I could still see it in my mind’s eye. A deluge of purple miasma hurtling through the air, washing over us like a tide. My own injuries, still aching even now, red blood and purple poison staining my clothes and skin. Our assailant closing in, that pustulant orange glow coming closer and closer.
My body hurt, my breath was short, my heart raced at thrice its normal speed.
But all of that was proof that I was alive. Proof that we had survived. Slowly, but equally surely, a part of me forced my body to take a few deep breaths while another put my hands up, gesturing for everyone to give me a moment.
Distantly, I could feel my partners edging closer, could perceive Janine half-way off the stool she’d been perched on, all stilled by my movement.
Something cold covered the crown of my head. Water, cool and salty, running through my hair and pouring over my cheeks, handily obscuring anything coming from my eyes, but stopping before gravity could take it to the hospital bed below.
The embrace of the sea was, ironically, grounding, and it only took me a second to come back to the hospital room, taking deep, controlled breaths as a menagerie of concerned hands and gazes covered me.
My knights, practically smothering me with their closeness, but unwilling to reach out and touch me for fear of exacerbating my injuries. Mana, circulating cool water over my head, obscuring my fears and my tears. Maushold, perched on my arm, running their little paws over one of my hands.
I took a few more deep breaths, reaching out with my free hand to rub the shells of my knights, one after another. “I’m okay everyone, sorry,” I told them, “just got caught up remembering.”
A cough brought my attention back to the room’s other human occupant. Janine settled back on her stool, the Kantonian woman’s dark eyes downturned in gentle concern. “Sorry Fe, I should have guessed that it would be hard to talk about.”
I shook my head. “This is important. If you hadn’t asked, I would have insisted on telling you.” I took a few more steadying breaths, and then continued, “After the initial attack, I was injured, and I was concerned that the Butterfree was too strong for us, so I called for a retreat. We didn’t get very far before they caught up again, though, so we had to cut the supplies we were carrying loose.”
The berries and medicine we’d brought, spilled out on the forest floor, a mission failed in favor of survival. I didn’t have it in me to feel guilty, and Janine was quick to assuage any hint of lingering concerns. “You did the right thing. We can always send more supplies.”
I nodded, thankful for the reassurance. “I figured the same. Once their loads were released, Hyacinth and Myrrh were faster, but still not more than our pursuer, so I had to improvise. I threw my radio, along with Maushold, Vigoroth, and Slakoth’s Poké Balls, to Hyacinth and Myrrh, and I told Maushold to call for help while we stalled out the Butterfree.”
I looked down at the gray-furred Normal-types and flexed my fingers, gently brushing their fur as they ran their paws over my skin in turn. “I knew they’d figure it out.” I said, pride and guilt warring in my voice.
“After that, we found a clearing to fight in. I noticed that every time we weakened Butterfree enough, the synergy stone it was carrying would glow and give off a bunch of energy. We figured that maybe if we could separate the Pokémon from the stone, we’d have a chance, so we worked towards that.”
I thought back, trying to remember the beats of the battle. “My knights were doing alright, fighting defensively while Mana stacked weakening effects on the Butterfree, but I messed up. I didn’t notice that they were scattering poisonous scales while we fought, and my knights ended up poisoned, weakened, and out of the fight.”
My knights made little sound of dissent, but Lance and Tristan shushed them so I could continue. “After I recalled my knights to treat them, the Butterfree went after Mana, and I thought–” even just the memory of it made me choke up again, but the reassurance of having my partners close by helped me fight through the Bellibolt in my throat. “I thought that she had been kil–” even now, I couldn’t say it, but I did my best to brush over the moment of hesitation, “I thought she’d gotten hit, so I recalled my knights and gave them to Clover so they could run.” I could still remember the look of betrayal in Clover’s eyes as I commanded her to flee, used precious syn to convince her to listen to me over her own wants and desires.
I wasn’t sure she’d ever forgive me. I wasn’t sure if I deserved it, but I swallowed that concern for now so I could finish my report. It helped that a little spark of curiosity caught my attention, a mystery unsolved. “Wait, actually, how did you avoid that attack Mana?” I asked my piscine partner, craning my neck to look up at where she floated above my bed.
The Water-type descended a little bit, though I couldn’t help but notice the careful way she shielded her injured flank from me. Her silvery-blue eyes narrowed momentarily in focus, and a stream of water ran off of her, forming a reflective puddle set on the window at one side of the room, turning the view of the outside into an indistinct, shimmering mirror.
Without any hesitation, the little blue fish plowed into one of the puddles, heedless of the wall behind it. I barely had time to widen my eyes and start to say something before it was done, and contrary to my expectations and those of conventional physics, Mana did not in fact plow through the thin sheet of water and into the hard glass on the other side.
Instead, she went through the azure fluid, disappearing into the vertical puddle like it was some sort of portal, and vanishing from view.
I felt my eyebrows crawl up towards the crown of my head, and I called out hesitantly, “Mana?”
A squeak came from behind me, and everyone in the room whipped around, only to find ourselves confronted with a little piscine face, peaking up over the edge of the room’s sink, peering at all of us through blue eyes.
“Dive,” Janine breathed, her expression impressed. “But I’ve never seen it used to move between bodies of water like that. Quite the nifty skill.”
“That’s incredible Mana,” I gushed, a wide grin breaking out on my face. “And you figured that out all on your own?”
My question made Mana’s face screw up, and she wobbled her body back and forth in a gesture that seemed to convey ‘sort of.’
I frowned, a bit confused by the admission, but before I could dig into it more, Mana dove into the sink once more, and after a few moments of not-resurfacing, I figured that maybe I should offer her a bit of space.
I turned back to Janine, and continued. “After that, Mana ambushed the Butterfree with her new move, and they got tangled up in some Leech Seeds that Clover laid out earlier. They really didn’t like that, and they used some combination of a Poison-type move and a Flying-type move to create a massive poison explosion. Luckily, Clover stuck around the edge of the clearing and warned Mana and I in timefor her to protect me.”
I took a deep breath, my throat a bit sore from talking so much, and I reached for the glass of water a nurse had left on the low table next to my hospital bed. After downing a few gulps, I continued, “After that the Butterfree took a bit to recover, and I wrenched the synergy stone from their grasp while they were down. There was something– wrong with it. I don’t really know how to explain, but it was– bad. It was– I mean, there was something…” I found myself struggling to describe the experience I’d had holding the corrupted stone, unsure of how to explain the sensation without seeming crazy.
“Just tell me what you experienced, as you experienced it, Fe,” Janine reassured me. “Even if it seems like a stretch, don’t leave anything out.”
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I took a deep breath, and nodded. “Right, okay. When I grabbed the stone– no, even before that, it seemed like the thing was– whispering to me. Asking me to do things that were– not good. I almost hurt myself because of it, until Mana stopped me. She grabbed the stone too, and together we– um, purified it?” I winced, the words coming out haltingly. “I know that sounds crazy,” I said in a rush, “but seriously, compare the stone I was holding when you caught me to the stones embedded in Butterfree’s–” I hesitated, the torrent of words cutting off as I stumbled over a word I didn’t want to say. A truth I didn’t want to acknowledge.
But my dithering was helping no one, and if I could help prevent a tragedy like this from happening again, I owed Butterfree, and their partner, at least that much. “in the Butterfree’s corpse.” I finished, keeping my tone as level as I could. “After Mana and I did– whatever it was that happened, we both ended up with small shards of a synergy stone that seemed completely normal, whereas the ones in the Butterfree were– wrong. I don’t really have another word to describe it.”
“Evil,” The interruption brought me up short, and I turned to look at Janine, who had a dark look in her eyes. Barely restrained syn whirled around her, tendrils of shadow that somehow ignored the light. This time, it was the sergeant’s turn to take a deep breath, as she recovered herself. “Sorry Fe, you weren’t– there was another incident. I’ll tell you after you finish your report. Suffice to say, I understand what you mean.”
Hesitantly, I nodded, and continued once she gestured for me to go on. “Right, well the uncorrupted stone restored Mana and I’s syn, and we battled the Butterfree and knocked them to the ground with Lance and Tristan’s help. Once it was downed, I tried to pull the biggest shard of synergy stone still stuck in their body free, but I wasn’t able to do so. Then, something– weird happened again.”
I came up short once more, my mind dancing around itself, parts of me debating the best way to express what Mana and I had experienced. Janine gave me the time I needed to compose my thoughts, and eventually, the heavy silence forced me to say things as best I could. “I think the synergy stone, even corrupted as it was, helped Mana and I connect to Butterfree’s mind. We learned about them. They were partnered with a man named Greg Mire. He– I’m pretty sure he was our missing person. He… died. Or, was killed, I guess, by a Bewear after Pokénapping a Stufful. This wasn’t his first time poaching. He and Butterfree figured out how to use Bug Buzz to disrupt the Poké Ball network, letting him temporarily capture Pokémon over his capture limit and then tampering with the balls after the fact. Butterfree was… they couldn’t go on without their partner. We tried to convince them– but,” I felt my expression twisting again, but no sooner did tears fall than they were wicked from my face, miniscule piscine forms swimming away from my cheeks and whirling about my head in an agitated shoal.
I took a few gulping breaths, because to my immense embarrassment, I was sobbing in earnest now. “They wouldn’t… wouldn’t listen to me.” I gasped out. “They didn’t want to go on, but they didn’t want to hurt us either. So… so, they used their Bug Buzz. Tuned it to shatter most of the synergy stones embedded in their carapace, and they– they died.” I could remember it clearly even now, the limp body falling out of the watery sphere, moments before me, the last moments as light left those crimson compound eyes. A final request.
“They were– they were desperate.” I tried to explain, struggling to remain coherent through my sobs. “Greg and Butterfree. Greg’s mom was– is sick. She has an autoimmune disorder, and the treatments are expensive, so he was– they were…” I wanted to go on, to carry out this last responsibility entrusted to me, but found myself unable, consumed by wracking sobs that stole my breath and robbed me of coherent thought.
My partners closed ranks, surrounding me in warm bodies and warmer concern, reminding me that I wasn’t, would never be, alone.
Gently, Janine spoke, pitching her husky voice over the sounds of my sobs. “That’s all I needed to know and more Fe. I’ll come back another time, and we can talk more then. Sorry to have asked this of you when you should be recovering.”
I shook my head, trying to find it within me to say that it was alright, that I was okay, but for some reason, I couldn’t force the lie past my lips.
-
After Janine left my parents returned, rather unhappy to find me so unsettled. I did my best to reassure them that it wasn't the ranger sergeant’s fault, but I wasn’t going to kid myself into thinking that they’d believed me on that count.
I spent the next couple of hours luxuriating in the presence of my family, while doing my best to ignore what it had taken for all of us to get together in the same place.
I took lunch in my room, a rather bland hospital meal wheeled in on a cart by a nurse, while my parents left to scrounge something from a nearby restaurant. They brought my knights and Maushold along with them to make sure my concerned Pokémon didn’t miss any meals, but Mana steadfastly refused to leave my side, and my parents promised to swing by home on their way back and return with some kelp for my stubborn fish.
Which meant, for a brief time, it was just Mana and I in the room. She’d taken to floating above my bed again, accompanied by a small shoal of azure fish formed from water. The little swimming forms were maybe a quarter of her size, and they flashed in and out of view, keeping me from getting a solid count on their number.
My parents and Janine hadn’t remarked on the phenomenon. After all, if you didn’t know what I did, the little swimming fish weren’t all that impressive. But I still remembered. Remembered watching a school of them surround Butterfree and I, numberless and writhing and watching.
And I remembered what Drake had told me, all those months ago. Hundreds of Yowashi. Thousands of them. All of them stemming from a single Pokémon.
“Mana, are you okay?” I called out, trying to force the hesitance out of my voice. My little piscine partner seemed to ignore me, floating serenely above my bed, but I still noticed it, a small hitch in the movement, not from her, but from the shoal of tiny azure fish accompanying her.
“Mana,” I said, putting a little more authority in my tone, and a little more desperation. “Please, can we talk?”
Something in my voice must have gotten through to her, because she deigned to float down, circling around my head, carefully angling herself so her injured flank was always hidden from view.
“Are you still hurt?” I asked her, carefully watching her accompanying schoolmates out of the corner of my eye. I almost missed it, but some part of my brain directed my attention in just the right place, at just the right time, to catch one of them staring at me, a couple small dots of crimson amongst the azure water forming what looked like a pair of tiny, narrowed eyes.
Slowly, deliberately, the construct shook back and forth, its rippling body-language very clearly conveying a negative.
Which wasn’t quite right, because I knew that she was definitely still recovering, but her injuries weren’t what was bothering her, if the strangely-behaving construct was to be believed.
“Are you upset?” I fished again, and this time, I received a quick, jerky nod. I was on the right track. “Are you angry?” I tried, which earned me a swift head shake no. “Sad?” same result.
Mana was circling around my head, and it was almost like I could feel her presence, even when she was behind me. The crimson dot jumped from one of the fish near her to a different one, still in my field-of-view. “Are you feeling guilty?”
This time, I got a reaction from Mana herself. Her circling slowed, for just a moment, and even though she looked perfectly placid when she floated into view once more, the brief hesitation, plus the emphatic nods from the communicative construct, told me I was on the right track.
“Because if you’re feeling guilty, I don’t understand why,” I tried to simultaneously reassure her and request elaboration. “You saved me. Saved all of us. I think guilt is the last thing you should be feeling.”
That statement finally got a noticeable reaction out of Mana. She stopped, hovering in front of my eyes, her own pointed ahead, refusing to meet my gaze. She floated there, unmoving, but the azure shoal accompanying her told a different story.
A myriad of reactions played out across their number. Some swam away, vanishing into the air, while others nestled close to Mana’s sides, as if comforting her, or sheltering under her. A few glared at her, piercing gazes directed inwards, while a single, solitary construct just had its maw open in a silent howl.
I… didn’t know how to interpret the tableau, but the artificial shoal did remind me of something. Another’s memories, conveyed into my mind, of a school of silver scales and loving siblings, slowly dwindling away to a single, solitary soul.
“Is the guilt about someone else? About the other Yowashi?” My questions were getting pointed now, and I could see the barbs working their way into Mana’s quivering body. I didn’t enjoy prodding like this, but I was pretty sure leaving this to fester would be worse. Better to air out the wound now then let it sicken and decay.
I was immediately made to question the wisdom of that decision as my inquiry provoked an explosive response from Mana, glowing tears erupting from her silvery eyes, forming twin cascades that poured at an unnatural rate. More and more azure forms spooled off from her, glowing constructs created from the fluid outpour. The existing fish swelled in size to match the newcomers, and in moments, hundreds of Yowashi-sized constructs churned above my bed in a watery frenzy, obscuring my piscine partner from view.
“Mana!” I called out, reaching up to the swarm. My hand was encompassed by the whirling waters, and somehow, something sharp and weighty dropped into it. A small shard of stone, glowing with inner light, so fine it cut my palm just landing in it. The light intensified, and suddenly, it felt like I could hear things. Hundreds of voices, thousands, whispering, churning, howling. A cacophony of perspectives, fractally spiraling off one another.
It sounded… familiar. It sounded like my own mind, multiplied by a dozen and set forth unconstrained, running rampant. The voices warred, embraced, agreed, dissented, churning without end, all unable to find consensus.
Mana’s guilt and worries and fear and love, given a thousand voices. It was a lot. Overwhelming. So, so much.
But after a few moments of immersing myself in the swarm, I was confident. It wasn’t too much. It wasn’t more than I could handle. After all, it was all Mana.
Every disparate voice, dissenting cry, loving embrace, each and every one of them was Mana. She didn’t seem to think of them as such. They were– echoes, memories. Hers. Consciousnesses formed from her expectations and recollections.
But that’s all they were, memories. They were all my partner, and as long as that was true, they’d never be too much for me.
I let myself unspool, threads roiling off my mind, corralling groups of voices, separating and segregating them, forming comprehensible groups. Here went the shards that wanted to forgive. There went the ones that desired to flee. Here are the ones overwhelmed by responsibility. Slowly, but oh so very surely, I delved deeper and deeper, parts of me flaking off to confront part of her, until only two remained. The deepest part of me, reaching out to the deepest part of her.
Distantly, I felt my grasping hand close around a silvery form. I was hovering in the air again, cocooned by the churning maelstrom, but I knew that I’d never been safer than I was at this moment. I opened my hand, and there, floating in front of my eyes, was an injured fish, this one made not from water, but from flesh and blood and love. “There you are,” I smiled at my little partner as my hands ran gently down her uninjured side. “And here I am. With you Mana, always. Let’s talk, please.”
Gradually, with aching slowness, Mana raised her head. Her jaws were slightly open, and I saw within them something dull and sharp. A small cut ran along the side of her mouth, mirroring the bloody line upon my palm. The other half of the stone I somehow found myself clutching, still within Mana’s jaws. It didn’t make sense. Where had they come from? Why did we still have them?
I wasn’t worrying about any of that right now, though. The only thing that mattered was Mana, all of her, every disparate, untethered voice. “I’m with you Mana. Whatever’s got you. Whatever this is, let’s face it together.”
It took a few moments, but Mana’s eyes sharpened. The visible effort it took was obviously enormous, but she nodded, and came closer, resting in my palm. I pulled her in close to my chest, and the two of us leapt, jumping into the depths of our feelings. Together.
