Standing in the middle of the ship's library was human Eugene.

  Keylunn blinked a couple of times. Her eyes had to be lying to her. Of all the people she thought could be staying in the ship’s library, Eugene wasn’t on the list. But there he was standing there.

  “Keke!! When Duaven told me you were now leading a team, I didn’t believe it! You never told me you got promoted and started the leadership program!” He exclaimed, pulling her into a hug before she could object.

  Human Eugene pulled her into a tight hug that crushed her doubts of him being here. She peeled him off of her with practiced ease and gentleness. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings; he loved hugs, but she didn’t need her team thinking she gave him special treatment. Which he doesn’t.

  “Human Eugene, you failed to tell me you were working on this quest when you asked for my help. Dauven also failed to inform me that you were working on the quest for that matter.” She gave him an inquisitive gaze.

  “Oh, that, I asked the old man,” Eugene’s common name for Dauven that she didn’t approve of. It wasn’t incorrect, so she can’t object too much. “Thought it could be a fun surprise, and I have to admit you were surprised.” He gave her a cheerful grin.

  “What help did you need?”

  “Oh, everything, Keke. This quest is a mess frontways, backways, and sideways. Both ways. It needs an expert.” His answer was full of conviction. He was right on one thing: the quest was a mess. “Oh right, and you have fungal problems. Is slime Eugene okay?”

  She shook her head. “They are well—silent.”

  “Wait, you named that evil slime after him?” Demetra scowled at Keylynn.

  She understood the skepticism because Eugene was a unique individual and refused to hide it. He stood in his tight-fitting pants with a glowing pink paisley paired with a billowing shirt that was fluorescent yellow and orange. He reminded her of a mind-altering vision from consuming a hallucinogenic mushroom.

  “Slime Eugene isn’t evil. They are young and learning a new ability. And human Eugene was there when I first made slime, Eugene,” Keylynn explained simply.

  “Sure, whatever you say. He used to hang out in our break room like all the time, and I’m pretty sure Akzer filed complaints about it.” Her arms were crossed as she glared at human Eugene.

  She gave him an inquisitive look. He had the sense to return her look with a sheepish one. “I assume I don’t need to regale you with the consequences of your actions. It’s expected for workers to remain on their respective floors and not spend time in others’ break rooms. Is this what earned Grief’s ire?” She asked him sternly.

  “Oh, that? Yeah, I deserve it. My batch of elven wine exploded all over the office while it was fermenting. The whole office felt like rotten fruit, and everything needed to be replaced. Reparation fieldwork to cover the expenses.” He avoided her stoic, inquisitive gaze the entire time he spoke.

  She wished she could be angry with him. Anger might be the one emotion that sinks into his thick human skull. “You ignorant baboon! Did I not tell you that fermentation at your desk was a bad idea? Did I not warn you that gases will be released and you needed a vessel to account for that?” She smacked his arm lightly. “And Elven wine? Really? It takes many years to ferment the fruits because a slow fermentation process is used. That slow fermentation process was achieved by temperature manipulation.” She smacked his arm gently again. She taught him better than his actions were suggesting.

  “I know! I fucked up!” He whined.

  She didn’t have the energy to deal with human Eugene. She ignored the faces her team made and composed herself. “Your bad choices aside, how can you help our assessment?”

  He gave her a wide, childlike smile and wrapped his arms around her again. “I knew you’d forgive me!”

  “You need to help with our assessment first.” She carefully peeled Eugene off of her.

  “Right, right. First I made this.” He dug around in his small bag that he always wore strapped around his waist. He withdrew a medallion that hung from a leather cord. “I used some upper-level authorizations to make it a marker for exception from the environmental preservation spells. Sure, I skipped steps, but necessity for health trumps procedure.”

  She chose to ignore this admission for breaking protocol. He was right; there were times that it was necessary and other times it wasn’t. The medallion depicted Ody in a heroic pose with a spear in hand embossed in gold. Clearly Eugene was working with limited supplies. She slipped it around her neck, and almost instantly she felt a weight lift from her shoulders.

  “I know that face. I earned a hug.” He grinned at her.

  “I suppose.” She limply wrapped her arms around him and let go of him quickly. “How else can you provide support to our assessment?”

  He pulled out a large, pinecone-sized, white, opaque, smooth stone with a grin. “I have a master authorization stone. I can reduce wait times between quests and can direct your ship. I can ensure you aren’t subjected to purely illusionary copies.”

  “Eugene! Tell you didn’t steal that!”

  The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  “Alright, I didn’t steal it,” he replied with a grin.

  She shook her head, not wanting to know how he procured the authorization stone. It gave him nearly ultimate control and power over the quest. Normally only the top quest employees were allowed to handle them. For most quests, that means the storymancer and their second in command, typically the quest HR representative.

  Before slipping the stone in his bag, he took the time to explain to her team how it worked. The stone opens up and reveals a small control panel that can control different aspects of the quest. He showed them how he can control encounters with hostile creatures, select different planned versions of quests, and even control the weather.

  He then told them about the upcoming quest. It was simple; they had to manually navigate the ship through a dark channel. Her team decided that they wanted to attempt the quest without using the authorization stone. Zukyov took control of the helm, as he had the best senses and strength of everyone. Tsunami and Inferno stood at the bow of the ship, ready to recite any oncoming dangers to Zukyov and ready to fight or push anything away as needed. Ragna and Demetra stood near the mast, ready to intervene, while Keylynn and Eugene stood by the helm, ready to support Zukyov.

  Keylynn closed her eyes and focused on the gentle churning of the sea below them. She focused her magic on any changes in the current and temperature.

  “You know the quest is garbage, right?” Eugene whispered in her ear.

  She opened her eyes, losing her focus. “That is part of the reason why I’m here. Will you be willing to go on record with your insights for my assessment?”

  He scoffed. “As if you have to ask, I’ve been compiling a long report. I’ve got, like, an appendix referencing real files in the records room. Down to the page. I like went full effort on this one.”

  “Eugene, you should be using that effort for your entire job, not just the ones that you know I’ll witness,” she chided softly. She kept her voice low so as not to distract Zukyov.

  They fell into a comfortable silence as Zukyov navigated the ship. Every once in a while Tsunami and Inferno gave him directions away from a rocky outcropping or a spire of rock jutting out from below.

  “How are you and the fungal friends feeling?” Eugene broke the silence quietly.

  “Better, so much so I have a small slime, Eugene,” she said as the bright yellow-green slime mould oozed down her arm and pooled in her hand. Their colony size was smaller than she’d prefer, but it was still encouraging to see. “Slime Eugene, I hope you recall human Eugene.” She crooned at her slime gently. She already knew that Eugene would give anything to hold the slime mould again. She brought her hand holding the slime mould over Eugene’s eagerly waiting hand. After a moment the slime mould oozed into his hand. A moment later, slime Eugene was travelling up and down his arm excitedly.

  “I knew you wouldn’t forget me, little buddy!” He cheered as he reached out to stroke the slime. “Are you thirsty?” Slime Eugene froze mid-sprint and began to undulate and bounce in place. Human Eugene chuckled and reached into his bag and pulled out a metallic can and opened it with a pop and a hiss. He poured a fizzing liquid down to slime Eugene that was the exact colour of her slime.

  Keylynn frowned and looked at the can, confused. She had never seen a liquid that colour before that didn’t come from human Eugene’s nose. “What are you feeding them?”

  “A Lonster— it’s an energy drink. I don’t like coffee much, and I gave my slime bro a taste one day, and we haven’t looked back,” he explained before finishing the beverage himself. “Would you like one?”

  “Yes, please. That might be the key I have been missing when it comes to understanding slime, Eugene.” The energy drink was the start of their caffeine addiction. She assumed it was coffee, because that was the only real source of caffeine that she knew of. And when she tried giving slime Eugene coffee, it seemed to be what they wanted. Human Eugene must have been feeding them these drinks constantly before she left floor five.

  He handed her one of his cans. Slime Eugene followed the can, travelling from Eugene back to Keylynn. “Is this what you’ve been wanting all this time?” She asked them. Her slime undulated and bounced in the spot in response.

  She felt a fizzy weightlessness coming from slime, Eugene. They felt elated and energized, which wasn’t their reaction from coffee at all. The trail they left on her skin was refreshingly cool and light, the opposite of the heavy, sweltering path that they left behind when they had coffee.

  Human Eugene gave her another can. “Keep one for my slime buddy later, and try drinking one now. Could help.” He flashed her a grin.

  She gave him a look and hesitantly opened the can. She gave the top a sniff and felt slime Eugene shudder in anticipation. They were always mean when it came to coffee. The fizzing liquid smelled like energized fruit, which didn’t make sense as a smell. She took a small sip and grimaced at the assault of bubbles in her mouth. She wasn’t a fan of fizzy drinks. Fermented fruit juices were different than the kind that are magically processed to fizz. The taste was delightful, refreshing, and light. She felt her hyphae twitch as she had another sip. Where has this drink been her entire life? She felt like she could grow an impossibly large mushroom or summon a giant insect army. She gave slime Eugene a sip and watched them zoom around her arm excitedly. This was what they had been wanting for so long.

  “It’s confusing, but enjoyable. Thank you, Eugene.”

  Darkness lifted as they left the dark passage. It was an uneventful long sailing through a narrow twisted channel and ended up being an easy quest for her team. It was baffling to her that such a simple quest was deemed an appropriate test for adventurers on their path to hero ascension.

  “What comes next?” Zukyov asked as the ship took control over itself once more. He seemed relieved that he wasn’t needed to guide the ship anymore.

  “Golden Cows, don’t worry, I’ve tweaked your travel times for that one too. And I am getting you sent to the real island. You won’t have to fight the Shepard unless you guys want to. The quest was supposed to be a moral test: sacrifice one of their team or fight it together. But as it turns out, that was too hard, so now it’s a test between sacrificing the heroes they are supposed to save or fighting the monster as a team.”

  She frowned. Why was human Eugene speaking so slowly? The whole world seemed to move slowly around her. She was jittery with the collective energy of an entire hive. They needed to be doing more than standing around on a ship waiting for something to happen.

  The corpse flower mushrooms on top of her head swelled and bloomed, raining spores down around her as the flower released the aroma of sweet decaying flesh. She manifested several carrion flies for her mushrooms to hunt.

  “That’s a new fungal friend,” Eugene mused.

  The island was still too far away. Their ship was moving too slowly.

  “It’s a corpse flower mushroom and is carnivorous. They like to hunt and dine upon insects mostly. Mine like bees and carrion flies. You can only imagine the chaos that a mushroom summoning bees caused.”

  Eugene snorted his laugh. “I can imagine that went over well in the office.”

  “Exactly, it made for a rough introduction to floor seven.”

  The island remained impossibly far away while their ship continued to infuriate her by travelling too slowly. She huffed; she might as well prepare for what’s to come on the island of golden cows.