Chapter 91
Lily sat next to me on an uncomfortable slanted stone—the only free space available in the crowd.
“I can’t believe it.”
She said for the third time since I pulled her out from the middle of a goblin game of rock flinging.
“Really? I think it's the obvious choice personally.”
I responded.
“We came this way, after you that you would be recruiting something than a gods-damned goblin, and what do you do?”
“I never promised anything. I just said a lycan or minotaur would be preferable.”
“There’s a minotaur right there! Look! You can see him from literally anywhere in the crowd. Go hire him!”
Lily screamed at me.
“He and Skrake are on the list for future recruits if I get promoted, but I can only take one right now. And I think you can agree my choice rounds out our party pretty well.”
“You realise that can be promoted too, right? Do you know what that means? You have just made a goblin into a squire who could one day become a knight! We will be the laughing stock of the Empire, mark my words.”
“Ah, I thought humies—said such things in private. Is this hateful honesty actually a good thing?”
Our newest partner, Bubblin, spoke from my other side.
“No, she just doesn’t respect you as a person.”
I explained.
“Ah, mooncha mooncha.”
Bubblin nodded to himself as if that was a reasonable explanation.
“The new tribesman must prove their worth with action, yes? I shall envy to earn your approval, Miss Lily.”
“You shall to earn her approval.”
I corrected him.
Lily just rolled her eyes and changed the subject.
“So? When are we heading back?”
“In a minute. Bubblin wants to see the final round of shiny sky boom.”
“Right. Of course he does.”
Lily groaned.
“They literally just blow themselves up and see how far they can send themselves. How is that a game? How is that interesting in any way?”
“I dunno… I think it's pretty entertaining. Beats pillarball at least.”
Gotrut was standing atop a poorly made wooden platform with two other goblins on either side of him. Cut-Stick stood on a box while projecting his voice to address the crowd.
“Two fools have challenged mighty champion—and filthy cheat liar—Gotrut! Bog-Butt and Snicker, you ready? Better be! Three-two-one go!”
With that abrupt speech over with, all three goblins bent their knees and began grunting as red lightning crackled around their legs.
“Hm? How are they doing that?”
Lily finally took some interest and perked her head up.
“Do what? That easy, look.”
Bubblin hopped up and started doing the same thing, but instead of red lightning, his mana was manifesting as a golden aura of light.
Lily furrowed her brow and analysed him closely.
“Rex… Did you know about this before we came?”
“Who knows?”
I smirked at her.
“This level of raw mana manipulation is difficult for any spellcaster to achieve. Why can these idiots do it so easily?”
She grabbed my shoulder and pestered me for answers.
“The Verdant Divide is filled with natural mana, and all goblins born here take it in. They’ve always been capable of this sort of thing, they just didn’t know it.”
“So what changed?”
“Ada paid them a visit and gave a little guidance, that’s all.”
Bubblin continued channelling his mana, which had begun to crack the stone he stood atop.
“You can stop now.”
“Heh? Me have to?”
He looked at me with a psychotic grin, but after I nodded, his rational side took control, and he sat back down calmly.
“I can’t really tell the difference between them. Who do you think will win?”
I asked Lily.
“Hmm… Gotrut has much less mana than the other two, but he’s focusing it all in the soles of his feet. The others are likely to blow their own legs up with what they’re doing.”
With a massive explosion, Gotrut soared off into the distance.
The goblin to his left rocketed directly upward—or his head did at least. The blast disintegrated the rest of him.
The third soiled himself and began laughing as he kicked the other goblin’s head into the crowd on its descent.
“Chief wins!”
Bubblin cheered happily.
“Okay, we go now.”
He immediately lost interest and started walking in the wrong direction. I grabbed him like a wandering toddler and turned him to face the way back to Borderton.
“Hang on, that’s it? What were the rules? What does he win?”
Lily chased after us, totally befuddled.
“Doesn’t matter, they’ll probably forget this game even exists by next week. And I bet there isn’t any prize to begin with, right, Bubblin?”
“Prize is being best sky boomer!”
Bubblin declared with pride.
“See?”
Lily looked to be exasperated with our short stay in this camp.
Some kobolds clapped Bubblin and me on the back as we passed through the crowd, but none of the goblins paid us much mind. I did notice Guldyr watching me from a distance, but he made no move to approach us.
Finally, as we left the horde, there was just one person standing on the outskirts, patiently waiting for us.
“It is regrettable that I did not meet your standards.”
Skrake bowed to me and eyed Bubblin with an uneasy smile.
“I trust your earlier words were not mere lip service, yes? You shall be making good on our agreement?”
I nodded to her, which elicited a sudden bout of salivation from the eerie creature.
“Then I wish you well, and shall immediately begin my effort to procure that which you have requested. I estimate it will take a week at the very least.”
She offered her hand, which was more akin to a mess of razor-sharp blades, thanks to her large talons. I ever so carefully avoided cutting my hand open as I shook it.
She seemed pleased by this and flew off into the distance without another word.
“Skrake dangerous. You make deal? Not wise.”
Bubblin commented as he moved his hand off the pommel of his mace.
“I have to agree. Those vermin are driven only by their hunger. What kind of agreement could you have possibly come to with a strigae?”
Lily added.
Stolen story; please report.
“A mutually beneficial arrangement.”
I said nothing more. If Skrake ever did come back into play, it would be important that we keep the number of people who know my plan at an absolute minimum. If all went well in the coming weeks, I would never even need to follow through with this particular scheme.
“Do not worry, boss. Bubblin has never lost to blood bird. Me protect you!”
Bubblin proudly puffed his chest out, but Lily only snorted and looked away.
I nodded to him, and we left the Blood Thunderer encampment behind us. Even so, the cheering and occasional explosions followed us for a good half hour before we finally had some peace.
“So, what's the plan exactly?”
Lily began with a smirk.
“Introduce the goblin to our esteemed Emperor, tell your peers you chose a green malnourished dwarf over any of them, then teach the savage some table manners?”
Bubblin frowned at her.
“Me manners are egg-zemp-larry. Don't even put my toes on table anymore!”
“Woooow! Soooo impressive!”
Lily stooped down to sarcastically speak down to him, but Bubblin's proud expression showed no signs of understanding her insincerity.
“...Eyes forward, team.”
I gripped my axe as Tiara began to growl from inside my jacket. Shortly after, a massive ape-like creature with moss growing all along its arms leapt out in front of us.
“Hm, looks like a fernback brute.”
I took my hand off my weapon and regarded the howling ape with mild interest.
They were physically imposing creatures, but aside from the alchemically useful plants that sometimes grew on their bodies, they didn't have any interesting features.
“Tch, what a pain.”
Lily began moving her shadow, likely in a move to halt the fernback's movement. But I halted her with a shake of my head. Instead, I turned to Bubblin.
“This is convenient. Why don't you show us what you've got?”
“Okay, boss!”
He saluted me clumsily and stepped forward to face the fernback alone.
He drew his shield and a spiked mace, then held his arms out wide and walked confidently.
The fernback immediately interpreted this as a threat and lunged on top of Bubblin, raining down heavy blows with its fists that would have broken down a grown man.
But Bubblin didn't so much as flinch. His tiny body should have been sent flying, yet he was as firm and motionless as a boulder.
Then, he slammed his shield against the fernback's fist, deflecting the attack and breaking multiple fingers.
“
It looked at its hand in confusion, then roared and continued swinging.
“Bless me, big dragon.”
Bubblin mumbled something that brought a smirk to my face, then suddenly launched himself into the fernback's stomach, causing it to double over.
He had used the same method Gotrut used to launch himself, by gathering and releasing mana in his legs in one explosive burst.
“I smite you now.”
Bubblin raised his mace and brought it down with deceptive force, shattering the fernback's arm.
His face was overcome with a frightening grin, but it quickly vanished as he carelessly looked my way.
“We pacifist knights?”
He asked.
“Ah, no… but there's no need to kill this one.”
Before he could respond, the fernback picked him up and began aggressively slamming him into the ground and flinging his body into the trees.
“Oh, smart monkey.”
Lily laughed.
“He figured out that punches don't work.”
I kept quiet and carefully watched as Bubblin was treated like a rag doll.
Finally, there was a flash of light that halted the fernback in its tracks. Bubblin had cast a spell on his shield and caused it to shine with a blinding radiance.
“W-wait, that's , right?”
Lily suddenly grew fearful. This was exactly what I was hoping for from her.
“Rex, what the hell is—”
“Shh. Just watch.”
I held a finger to my lips and pointed back at the fight.
“Watch and guide me, magic hammer!”
Bubblin held his mace—definitely a hammer—up high, and a beam of light shot down from the heavens to illuminate it.
He then jumped several feet into the air and threw the mace into the fernback's chest. The impact sent it tumbling over onto its back, and the weapon returned to Bubblin's hand.
The fernback limped back from where it came, cradling its injured arm and casting fearful looks back over its shoulder.
“Nice work, Bubblin.”
I clapped him on the shoulder, feeling a warm tingling as my hand passed through the radiant light around him.
“Oi! Goblin! What god do you serve?”
Lily, on the other hand, came stomping over with a mixed look of fear and anger.
“Eh? God? Gobbo no need—ahem, we do not have gods, miss Lulu.”
“Yeah, everybody knows goblins don't have gods.”
I smiled at her in the most aggravating way possible, which, thanks to my half-mask, was now a move I could bust out any time.
“Don't give me that! Those were all divine spells he just used! He be bound to ”
“Eh? Whatchu mean?”
Bubblin cocked his head, genuinely clueless as to why Lily was so worked up.
“Y-you knew about this! is why you chose him over the others. What do you know?”
She gave up on Bubblin and turned her frustration back to me.
“Isn't it interesting? Goblins are unanimously reviled by the gods, yet here is one using their divinity without even knowing he's doing it. Don't you want to understand how that happened?”
I ruffled Bubblin's spiky black hair.
“Me. Interesting?”
He looked up at me.
“Yeah, extremely.”
“Aaah”
He made a happy noise and looked expectantly at Lily.
“...Urgh, this is so messed up…”
She hung her head low and took a deep breath.
“Fine, whatever. I see where this is going. I'll try to make sense of this Just don't go casting any of your spells on , got it?”
She pointed at Bubblin and stomped her foot down to emphasise how serious she was.
“You not my boss.”
He responded.
I laughed as I imagined all the new and exciting ways I could mess with Lily now that we had an anomalous paladin goblin in our midst. I had my doubts even after Bubblin had shown me his divine spells back in the camp, but now that Lily, a devil, had shown discomfort from them, I knew it was the real deal.
And that fact held some intriguing implications.
***
We once again snuck back into the campus grounds, though we made quite the racket as we walked back into the dorm thanks to Bubblin's clanking armour.
“...damnit.”
Rose scowled at the goblin and handed Axel a silver piece.
“Hahaha! I knew you weren't joking!”
Axel gleefully snatched the coin and pulled me into a headlock.
“Y'know you gotta register him, yeah? How you gonna explain how he got past the guards?”
“Goblins are sneaky.”
My excuse was flawless.
“Rex!”
“Hello, Rex.”
Felicia and Leon greeted me as well from the kitchen area.
“Oh, hello. Why are you two here?”
“Axel recruited us.”
Leon said.
Lily and I looked at him incredulously.
“You said this morning you were undecided.”
“Yeah? I was. Then I decided. What's more is there to say about it? These two are decent enough, and I won't be affected much if they die either seeing as I don't give much of a damn about them.”
He shrugged at me.
“...I wish to make it clear that I will not obey any suicidal orders, and will report such behaviour directly to a superior officer.”
Leon folded his arms.
“And I'll tell my daddy if you're a bad leader.”
Felicia added.
“Hmph. I ditched the title of royal cousin. You think I care at all about your families? You're only here because you can fight, either keep up or die for all I care.”
Axel waved them off dismissively and turned back to me.
“Anyway, forget the add-ons, we should celebrate our promotion with a duel!”
“What? Why bother? You know I'll just surrender to get out of it.”
I frowned and slipped out of his hold.
“Hahaha! You don't know, do you? Junior knights aren't allowed to reject a duel from an equal, or else they risk demotion.”
“We should be spending our time helping with the repair efforts, or checking in with our peers…”
“Pfft, screw that! Come on, we haven't had a real fight since our first month here. I want to see how much you've grown.”
Axel wasn’t backing down, no matter how I tried to worm my way out of it. Seeing as further argument was pointless, I decided to try and get something out of this waste of time.
“Alright, fine. But not today. And if I do this, I want something from you, too.”
“Yeah? What do you want?”
“Your workout routine. Let me tag along for a while.”
He suddenly grabbed my arms and firmly squeezed, then slapped my stomach with the back of his hand and kicked my thighs lightly.
“Pfft, you won't last. But fine, just don’t expect me to slow down for you.”
He seemed to be certain my body wouldn't hold up, but that didn't matter to me. Axel often bragged about how intense his exercise was, so taking advantage of my new self-improvement method while following him should definitely produce some serious results.
“Great, it's a deal then. How about tomorrow?”
Axel nearly took my hand immediately to seal the deal, but he hesitated at the last moment.
“Nah. Let's wait for Alma's arrival. So two days from now.”
He smirked as he presented the idea.
“What, you want to humiliate me in front of our boss? That's pretty low, dude.”
I joked, and we agreed to fight one-on-one (plus whatever animal friend I decided to bring on the day).
“This. My home?”
Bubblin jumped onto the couch and began bouncing on the spot and rotating as he took the place in.
“For now, yeah. You can stay in Fleur's room, because a goblin in an elf's bed amuses me.”
Nobody argued, and Axel agreed that it was indeed very funny. For the record, Felicia took Guy’s room, and Leon would have Lloyd and Zachariah's.
But seeing as I had no desire to help them all move their things, I instead took Bubblin with me to see Professor Kuhn.
We received many curious looks. And by that I mean we received look imaginable.
Maybe it was my reputation. Maybe it was the goblin in shining plate armour. Maybe it was the fact that Soot was letting said goblin ride him for some reason. Whatever the case, our presence was known to everyone before we so much as opened our mouths.
“Humie town. Big! Is this king's castle?”
Bubblin pointed at the campus main building, where Draven was approaching us from.
“No, the royal palace is much bigger. And we have an not a king.”
“Hoo hah!”
He made a strange noise, which I chose to interpret as one of understanding.
“No.”
Draven stopped in front of us, pointed at Bubblin, then turned to leave.
“His tribe are official members of the Black Crown Empire. You need to provide sufficient reasoning to dismiss the squire of another knight.”
Draven froze as I argued against his one-sided dismissal.
“He is a goblin. That is reason enough.”
“There is no rule against goblins. I made sure of it before hiring him.”
“There is one. It's the rule of common sense. You may as well hire a flesh-eating virus.”
“Now, now, Draven. What's the harm in it?”
A familiar voice rang out, though it sounded more tinny than usual.
“Your majesty?”
I looked around, but there was no sign of the enigmatic ruler.
“Up here.”
I looked up and spotted one of Professor Kuhn's drones hovering just above us.
“Ah! Talking bird!”
Bubblin tossed a stone with perfect accuracy, but it bounced off harmlessly.
“Look, Ben, the goblin hit your drone. Hahaha!”
“Your majesty, please just focus on getting us to our destination…”
Two voices spoke over one another from the small machine until finally, Professor Kuhn spoke to us directly.
“Rex is correct, it is his decision who he hires, and said squire cannot be dismissed without sufficient reasoning.”
I quietly pumped my fist in victory.
“However, any consequences that arise as a result of your squire's actions will also fall on you to take responsibility for. If this is merely a joke to annoy your peers, I would strongly recommend that you rethink your decision.”
The drone looked at me as judgmentally as a cold piece of metal could.
“Understood, sir! I swear that Bubblin will be a legitimate asset to our great empire, sir!”
“Very well then.”
“Excuse me, sir! May I ask where you are at this moment?”
I had assumed that neither the Emperor nor Professor Kuhn would use a drone like this if they were still in Borderton.
“His majesty is returning to Kronenstadt, and I am accompanying him for a time. Merk is here as well, making Draven your commanding officer until Alma arrives. This drone was merely left so we could keep an eye on things during our travel.”
“I see. Thank you for satisfying my curiosity.”
“No proble—”
“Hey, goblin! Why can I see a divine aura from you?”
“What nonsense… there's no way—oh my…’
They began talking over each other again, and the drone began spinning frantically around Bubblin. I had to stop the goblin from smashing it to pieces with his mace as he thought it was some kind of evil artifact.
“Incredible… Rex, I want you to keep detailed observations of this one. I will review everything upon my return.”
“Eh? Magic bird want to read about me?”
Bubblin crushed the rock he was about to throw with one hand, causing Draven to flinch in shock of the goblin's strength.
“Yes, Bubblin. Everybody is very interested in you. You're quite special.”
“Hehe! Is true!”
Bubblin danced happily atop Soot.
“Ugh, whatever. Just take that rancid-smelling thing somewhere else.”
I took offence to the claim that my goblin smelled bad. He was one of the few who knew what the word hygiene meant after all. But seeing as the goblin in question was unbothered, I kept my mouth shut on that topic.
“Before you go, Mr Pancia. Can you tell me where Meztili is?”
“In the chapel with Ms Langenberg.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Bye, cat-man.”
I took Bubblin and ran before Draven could react to the goblin’s final remark.
