Expected Scene [Depart, Comfort]

  Should I get out of my comfort zone?

  "Good morning, Juliet."

  "Hi, Rose, how are you feeling today?"

  "Oh, I’m fine, I was worried I’d have nightmares but I slept like a log."

  "I think you were still a little bit in shock, Rose, I know we all had a scare. Just before you fainted, we all believed that we were going to die."

  "I know, Juliet, it was scary. I'm sorry I frightened all of you. Thank Jareth for me, will you, he was a real help and a comfort. So let's see, I wanted to talk to you about something, what was it? Oh yes, the fact that you guys can see everything I do and apparently you can take over my body."

  "See, overthinking. Rose, we can’t take over your body. When you fainted the other night, we all went out like a light. Usually, when you go to sleep we’re up and around, watching your dreams or just doing something together like making out in the hay loft. But we can’t take over your body, you asked Jareth to steer so that’s what he did. Do you think that Damon wouldn’t be playing with your breasts if he could? You know he would, have you ever had the urge to play with them?"

  "No, I haven’t."

  "So there you go.”

  “So have you ravished Ivy yet?"

  "No, I gave you my word no ravishing off the page, but if you keep doing dangerous things I might just because I don’t want to die unravished now."

  "I get that, but I was worried about Lu."

  "Yes, we understand, and it’s not just us being selfish, though that may be a part of it, we love you, Rose, you created us."

  "Not all of you, Ivy just wandered in. I didn't create her."

  "I think you did, Rose. I think you created Ivy for me, not consciously like you wrote me out on the page but maybe she was just a stray thought you didn’t consider for long but long enough for her to wander in. You’ve seen our world, how rich and vibrant and full of people and buildings and things, but you didn’t write all of those things into your book. I think they exist because you thought them for us, for me."

  "You might be right, Juliet. So let’s see what else did Ivy say. Oh yes, she asked if she could keep her slip on. While you ravish her."

  "Yes, she’s shy, Rose, I thought you understood.

  “But then Juliet she said that you’d go full nude."

  "Yes, well I thought that’d be what you want, Rose.”

  “Is it now Juliet, what were Ivy’s exact words? I wrote them down here somewhere oh here they are. 'Oh I think she's excited about it, ma’am.' So you’re looking forward to it?"

  "I wouldn’t say that I was looking forward to it.”

  Oh, you’re not? Well then, we can put it off, I can bring in another character make it a love triangle, we might even stretch another book out of it. I really admire your self-control, Juliet, all that kissing and rolling in the hay, I thought that’d make it hard for you. But to put the ravishing off for another whole book you really are a team player, and it can only make you more virtuous in the reader's eyes when they see how desirable Ivy is and of course they want to ravish Ivy but can’t and you want to but won’t. It’ll be an exciting sequel."

  "NO, don’t do this to me, you want the truth? I want to ravish her in the barnyard for all the world and the animals to see and I want to be naked while I’m doing it and I want you writing about it because just thinking about that makes me want to explode. I want a written record of it so in fifty years Ivy and I can look back and say, 'boy do you remember that time you ravished me for the first time'."

  "I was only teasing you, Juliet, but seriously there is something I need to do. Where is Damon?"

  "He’s up at the house drinking, he’s run out of maids and housewives to ravish so now he drinks all day."

  "Not for long, Juliet. I was stupid, I’m so glad that you were smarter than me about him."

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  "What are you going to do, Rose?"

  "First a little talk, then a little trip. Come along if you want to see."

  We went up to the mansion and it was just as Juliet had said. Damon, cup in hand, chasing a maid around the library. How could I ever have wanted to pair this ass up with Juliet?

  "Hello, Damon, what you doing?"

  "Just chasing this maid because of that unnatural woman, carrying on like a tribade with the other cow from the barn.”

  “They disgust you don’t they, Damon?"

  "Yes, they do, Authoress, they disgust me."

  "They won’t get into heaven, will they, Damon?"

  "No, they’ll be damned, Authoress."

  "We can’t allow that, can we, Damon, do you want to help me, Damon?"

  "Of course, Authoress."

  "That’s great, I was going to say pack your things but you won’t be needing them.”

  “Why, Authoress?”

  “Well you’re so disgusted by their perverted behavior you’re becoming a Trappist so that you can spend the rest of your life praying for their souls, with any luck you and I will save their dirty disgusting souls. Damon, thank you so much for your help. Goodbye. Enjoy your trip to Lulworth Abbey, and do pray for the girls. Say goodbye, Juliet, he makes this sacrifice for you, you strumpet. Tell him how grateful you are."

  "Oh yes, Authoress we’re so grateful to you and Damon. Thanks to you both."

  I put pen to paper and Damon was traveling down the road, never to be seen in these parts again.

  [Waste, Leadership]

  Does a couple need a leader?

  It was a nice routine that we’d fallen into. I loved our daily walks to the woods and I always tried to supply granny with something nutritious. Today I brought her a nice cheese and Rose had her regular basket of cookies, her mother was a dedicated baker. Rose seemed a little shy today and I wondered if it was because she wanted me to kiss her and I didn’t or because she didn’t want me to and thought I was going to.

  But soon the awkwardness passed and we were chatting like normal. I asked her about the book and she thinks it’ll probably be ready next week. I told her next week was fine with me and I could borrow a tent in case of rain or we could sleep under the stars if we have nice weather. It’ll take at least two days to get there, maybe three if we don’t want to push the pace too hard.

  While Rose visited granny, I practiced my Lute but my mind was on that kiss that might have been. Well I thought if we’re ever to kiss one of us is going to have to take the lead and initiate the kiss. I’m supposed to be the alpha, why am I so weak when it comes down to kissing this girl? I have had feelings for her for so long, I’m terrified that I’ll scare her away and what we have now will be gone. I walked her right to her door, hugged her and paused wishing for a sign as she stared into my eyes and said goodnight.

  [Fight, Location]

  Why is there a fight in the Black Dog?

  "Well finally she arrives, stop this fighting and agree that what the Bard says is the truth as we know it. If you don’t agree you’re both banned for life and you can destroy each other's home but not my Tavern. Understood?"

  "Yes, Marley Understood."

  "So, Bard, the question is where is the Stone of the Hapless is it on Tol Fuin or on Tol Himling?"

  "It’s not on either of them, it’s on Tol Morwen, I can sing you the lay if you want a part of The Lay of Leithian."

  Everyone in the tavern laughed except for the two men who were both wrong but still willing to fist fight over it and Mastat Mineguard who confessed that he had no idea and had never heard of The Lay of Leithian. It’s one of the seminal lays, if you truly want to be a real Bard you’ll need to learn all of the lays.

  "Why did you want to become a bard, Mastat was it a childhood dream?"

  "No lad, I got tired of guarding the mines. My da sent me on my first guard job when I was eight. You just stand there all day or sometimes the client wants you to march back and forth, back and forth. It’s dead boring whether you’re standing or marching, I’ll tell you, I did it for thirty years and just decided I’d have enough. I gave a little think to where I wanted to work. I was thinking in my local pub, so the idea of working in a tavern came around pretty fast. Taverns have everything I like, Ale, Beer, Cider, Food and chairs, I was definitely getting a career where I didn’t have to stand or walk, I wanted a chair. But when I looked around the tavern the barmaid was always on her feet, taking orders, cleaning tables, delivering orders, same thing with the bartender. Then I thought owner, that sounded pretty good, but I found out you needed to have money to actually buy the tavern so that wasn’t going to work. If I had enough money to buy a tavern I wouldn’t need to work. Who makes all these insane rules, huh girl, I just don’t get it. Finally up there on the stage, it was the job for me. The bard was sitting, strumming his lute and singing, he had an ale and a basket of food. I must have watched him for three or four hours, they kept bringing him more ale, more food and he just sat there strumming on that lute. Finally he got up, I thought now comes the part I’m not gonna like but you know what he was just headed to the privy. He came back, strummed some more and they kept bringing him ale. It’s been my dream ever since that night to be a bard, to sit and strum and drink me ale and eat for free. I wasted thirty years as a guard, this bard life is for me."

  I had no idea what to say to the dwarf, people have always been surprising to me, that’s what makes life interesting. That was perhaps the shallowest reason to pick a job that I’d ever heard of, but I couldn’t fault him for it. That mine guarding sounds like a terrible profession, and if he stuck with that for thirty years, might he not become a great bard someday? Probably not, but he’ll have a better life than he had in the mines.