5 AM, 27th

  There’s only been a few times where I’ve taken off the silver cat necklace Malin gave me. All of them were to make porn.

  I’ve been thinking more about people I’ve lost.

  There was this girl named Harper I talked with a lot in 9th grade. I always wanted to talk with her more, but she rarely went to school after 8th grade. She had brown hair and a round white face. We met in 1st grade, and I remember her inviting me to her Halloween party. We weren’t friends until 9th grade. It was then that I thanked her for inviting me. I had to. No one cared about me until 7th grade. That was when I met my first friends.

  Harper hated her parents. It has to be the reason she ran away. After my last conversation with her, I never saw her again. I wasn’t worried when a few weeks went by after that last conversation and I hadn’t seen her. I only found out she ran away because people at school were saying that.

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  I miss Jonah the most. I’ll never forget him. I met him when we were 9. We only saw each other on Saturdays. He lived 41 minutes away. We talked and talked and talked every time we saw each other. I never wanted it to end. He was the greatest. He was so smart. I used to get told all the time how smart and how creative I was. When I was in 1st grade, the guy that made me told me that I “have a brain, and it’s very creative”. It was the only nice thing that he ever said to me.

  Jonah was better than me. He was so much better. In every single way. He was way smarter. Way more handsome. He made me realise I like guys.

  It was when I was 12 that I finally realised what I felt when Jonah was around. Love. I think he loved me too.

  We’d like to have arguments. He won every one of them. But there was nothing wrong with that. I liked seeing how smart he was. He was the coolest guy I ever met.

  One time, when the teacher was reading a story, Jonah laid on me. I thought it was the greatest moment of my life. I remember how nice his brown hair was, and how nice it smelled.

  The guy who made me took him away from me. I’ve never been able to fix myself.