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Chapter 23 - Plans Change

  This had not been the plan. Vector knew that. He and Tryst had discussed having Xain, Fen, and him disappear on Niflheim, where Lilith would attest to their deaths, thus allowing them to continue unobserved.

  The details were yet to be finalized, but there had still been time.

  Which meant Hel’s Rooted had been telling the truth.

  While he lacked confirmation, Vector knew the explosion which had rocked the ship and sparked the subsequent security measures that left him confined to quarters, unable to do anything but pace back and forth in the small space, had been meant for him.

  He was sure that the intent was to kill both him and Xain, as Xain had become a target the moment he had engaged with Tor, but he was not so foolish as to think his friend's death was their true aim. To them, Xain’s death would be a nice bonus, but nothing more.

  However, the irony was not lost on him that, if anyone was to learn what Vector had, the situation would be quickly reversed.

  Vector patted the pocket which contained the fortune of Sap the captain had provided as a bribe to bind him to Xain and Fen, and almost laughed.

  His memory of their fight was blurry at best, but one thing stood out with frightening clarity. The Dragon he wore had been terrified. That, more than anything else, told Vector exactly how dangerous his situation had just become.

  He still could not determine which banned rune Xain held, nor could he fathom how it was disguised as Uruz, but any sliver of doubt he previously held had been thoroughly and completely destroyed.

  Oddly, the confirmation did more to bind him to Xain than any threat or bribe ever could.

  Vector had no interest in taking the rune for himself. If anything, he pitied Xain for the burden he carried.

  He had known from the moment they met that Xain was in over his head, but only now could he see the true extent of exactly how fucked his friend was.

  Yet, despite the peril it was certain to bring, Xain had stood with him. Risked his life for him. Opened up to him. Befriended him. All while holding a secret that, if discovered, would make him the target of every single House.

  How the man was able to remain so optimistic in the face of such a burden, Vector had no idea.

  What a pair we are. No. What a pack we are.

  It was impossible to think of Xain without thinking of his wolf.

  Fen had saved them. Again. If not for the wolf's intervention, Vector would be dead. Xain too, probably. Twice now, they had risked their lives for him.

  Now it was time to pull his weight.

  It was hard to say if they had yet entered Niflheim’s Realm, though if not, they soon would. He knew the points of entry and exit for the ferry were closely guarded secrets, but he also knew that, like on Yid, there would be some time spent on Niflheim’s ocean prior to arriving at their port.

  If the itinerary had been to dock tomorrow morning, then he only had a few hours left.

  This had not been the plan. However, without trying, the Asgardians had given them an opportunity, and he was not about to pass it up.

  First though, he needed to talk to Tryst.

  The harsh knock on his door pulled Vector from his thoughts, and without thinking, he tapped his array as he turned toward the interruption.

  He was on edge, and likely overreacting. It was probably the dinner which had been slated to arrive two hours ago, its delay a result of the commotion. But he wasn't taking any chances.

  As he was about to call out, the door opened just enough for a figure dressed in a long black and green dress to slide through. Vector had never seen Lilith in person before, but as she softly closed the door behind her and met his eyes, he knew without a doubt that the tall slender woman before him was Hel’s favored daughter.

  Well, this is unexpected…

  “Vector, I presume?” she asked, as she brushed back her long straight snow white hair.

  “Lilith?” Vector asked in response, pushing back the dragon, but not letting it go entirely.

  She was as tall, or slightly taller than Xain, with skin nearly as white as her hair. She had a thin angular face with black painted lips set in a line, and eyes with irises so black they almost drank in the light of the room as she observed him expressionlessly. Vector suddenly felt as if he was in the presence of a predator, but one who was beyond seeing him as worthy of being her prey.

  “We don’t have much time. Pack lightly. Only what you absolutely need,” Lilith ordered, her tone making it clear she saw no need to explain anything to someone such as him.

  For a moment Vector was struck dumb and all he could do was stare at the woman, but his mind quickly snapped back when when Lilith glared at him and growled, “What the fuck are you waiting for? Move!”

  …

  “You’re okay. You’re okay. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

  Xain lay on the couch, the covers he had ripped from the bed pulled up over his head in an effort to block out the rest of the world, and slowly stroked his wolf’s head which rested on his chest, as he muttered the words over and over.

  A part of him, which observed the situation in a distant disconnected corner of his mind, had wondered when this would happen.

  As a child, the world had often become too overwhelming, and forced him to take refuge in small spaces where he could imagine he was cut off, severed from reality, and no one even knew he was alive.

  No one besides Fen of course.

  He had explained it to Bow many times, but he knew it had been impossible for him to truly understand. Words were insufficient to describe the moment when his mind sped up to the point that every sensation hurt. How every sound was too loud. How everything that touched his skin felt… wrong. How the light was too bright, even when it was dark.

  To his credit, even if he didn't understand, Bow had never once tried to tell him there was something wrong with him.

  Even so, it had not stopped Xain from feeling as there was. Like he was wrong. As if the world was too much for him. Like he didn't fit.

  He didn't know if this happened to other people. He had never read about anyone who became completely useless when they heard the wrong sound, or whose mind ceased to work when they became too excited.

  Once, he had thought it had to do with his dreams. While Husks manifested at various ages, upon fully awakening, they were supposed to do so with the general intelligence associated with their awakened form. Why or how this happened was another mystery scholars fiercely debated, yet failed to come to any conclusion about.

  If this was the case, and with Xain beginning the process of awakening at around 10 years of age, it made sense to him that dreaming of death as he did would play a role in how he interacted with the world.

  As Bow helped him to recognize the dreams for what they were though, his ability to endure the nightly torment increased, but it had done nothing to aid what he dubbed his ‘Mind Breaks’.

  Only Fen ever helped with that.

  The wolf seemed to know when one was going to occur even before Xain. So, as Xain found a hole, or cabinet, or rolled under his bed, Fen would be right there, ready to rest his head, or body, or as much of him as he could on Xain until it had passed.

  Their occurrence followed no pattern Xain had ever been able to discern, though he was able to eventually understand that they were more common when he was subjected to new experiences.

  This seemed to be further proven by their reduction in frequency as he aged, and learned to better cope with the world as a whole.

  So when the Norns came and blew up the life he had come to cherish, Xain had understood it was only a matter of time before this happened again.

  The last one had been over a year before, marking this as the longest span between fits he could remember.

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  But this time, even Fen’s bulk of over two hundred pounds on his chest and the isolation created by the thick covers could do little more than keep his breathing from growing so sporadic he passed out.

  This is a bad one.

  And he knew exactly why.

  Xain had been okay with the thought that this adventure may be the end of his life. It wasn't that he planned to die on the journey, but in truth, he had never expected to survive it.

  That was something he could handle though. Just as he could handle the fact that even if he did survive, his life would never be the same.

  Part of learning to manage the dreams had been coming to terms with the fact that change is inevitable. Painful as it may be, nothing, even something like the simple life he had led, could last forever.

  It had been this acceptance, conscious or not, which had prevented him from breaking down over the last week.

  What he had failed to comprehend however, was what would happen if he lost Fen.

  If Xain died, he was sure Fen would find his way. But if Fen died, well that would be it for him. There was no life without his wolf.

  It wasn't until Tryst had teleported them back into their rooms that it had hit him. The explosion would not have just killed Xain and Vector. It would have killed Fen. And it would have been his fault. All because he was so fucking bad at this. Because he was so fucking naive.

  The necklace had made it clear how little he knew about arrays, and every experience up until this point showed how little he knew about the rest of the world. Xain was kidding himself if he thought he could do this. And that ignorance, or false confidence, or whatever the fuck it was, had put Fen in danger.

  “You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay. I'm so sorry.”

  “Grrrrrrrr,” Fen growled, nuzzling his nose against Xain’s cheeks, and gently licking away the tears.

  “No,” Xain said, jerking his head back and forth.

  “I can’t. I… I’ll just… I can’t keep going. Not if it means you…”

  “Grrrrr,” he growled, deeper this time.

  “Why? Why do you think it will be okay? What have I done that would-”

  “Still doing that, I see.”

  The voice pushed through Xain’s mind, calming it, the tone somehow slowing it down, and in doing so, softened the world around him.

  His Mind Breaks could last from a few minutes to several hours, but he could tell one was coming to an end when the light lost its sharp edges and normal sounds no longer shot painfully down his spine.

  Aside from Fen, nothing external had ever seemed to help with bringing him back, but as his breathing became steady, and his thoughts no longer felt like daggers, he was amazed to find that, of all things, her voice was the cause.

  Still, it was not something that just ceased.So, although Xain could feel the end was near, he remained where he was, and continued to stroke Fen.

  When he felt the gentle tap on his foot, Xain pulled it up to make room for Lilith to sit.

  It had been over a decade since he had last seen her, but even though the voice was deeper, he somehow knew it was hers.

  The cushion dipped slightly as she took a seat and pushed Fen’s legs up, before letting out a sigh as they shot back out like springs and landed her lap.

  “Xain,” she started, her hand finding his calf as she spoke, “we need to go.”

  Go? Go where?

  He tried to voice the question, but quickly found it was still out of reach.

  “There isn't much time. If we are going to make this work, it has to be now. I’ve already spoken to your friend. He is by the door waiting for you now.”

  “Vector?” Xain asked, the surprise of her words pulling the question out.

  “Xain,” Vector said, his voice slightly muted as it came from the other room.

  Fuck. So now he knows too.

  Embarrassment was not something which came easy to Xain. Aside from his eyes, he had thought himself mostly immune. However, this was not a side of himself he had been forced to share. At least not with anyone but Bow, Fen, and apparently Lilith.

  And while he understood compared with everything else Vector knew of him, this was barely of note, it was hard not to wince at having his friend see him like this.

  “Fen?” Lilith asked, her hand gently stroking Xain’s leg.

  “Grrrr,” Fen growled.

  “Okay. Okay. I'll grab your stuff. Just the pack?”

  “Grrr,” Fen growled again.

  “Ah, the books. Vector, would you please gather those up, yes on the table there. Thank you,” Lilith continued, as she stood and began to move.

  “Fen?” Xain asked, a whisper.

  In response, Fen shoved his head into Xain’s so hard the smack of the wolf's skull on his own was audible, and he could do nothing but sigh.

  Okay. One step at a time.

  …

  Xain had no idea how Lilith had come aboard, or what the plan was now. Luckily, he trusted Fen, and Fen had put his trust in her.

  “There is a small vessel waiting for us, but we only have a small window before the ship will be moving again,” Lilith said as she led them up the staircase, pausing once to look down the hall, before moving again and waving for them to follow.

  “May I-” Vector started, but cut off as she looked back at him, her eyes narrowed in a glare Xain remembered all too well.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled, though his apology was only met with another irritated scowl.

  Lilith was maybe a year or two older than Xain was, but she commanded an air which had nothing to do with her age. She looked different than the little girl who had ordered him around; harder in many ways, yet as they followed, he found her presence familiar, and oddly comforting.

  He remembered being terrified of her. Remembered her torturing him. But now, he wondered how much of that was real. He had been a child, new to the world, and terrified. Aside from Fen and Bow, everything was difficult in those first months.

  She was not what he had expected. And she was.

  From Vector’s face, he seemed equally taken aback, but if this was because Lilith was exactly or nothing like what he expected, it was impossible to say.

  They continued through the ship at a careful but urgent pace until they reached the door to the observation deck. Lilith opened the door slightly, peaked out, nodded to herself, opened it the rest of the way, and led them out into a storm.

  The deck was completely dark, and rain came down in sheets so thick it was impossible to see more than a few feet in front of them. While the ship only rocked slightly in the torrent, it was hard to imagine how they were supposed to disembark, let alone weather such a storm alone.

  One step at a time.

  Instead of voicing such concerns, Xain kept his eyes trained on Lilith, taking some comfort in how she strode confidently forward toward the port railing.

  As they reached it, Xain turned to check Vector was still with them, and saw his friend staring straight up a few feet away.

  Xain followed his gaze, wondering what could cause such a reaction, and after a moment of quickly blinking the rain out of his eyes, he saw it.

  Snow, so thick it looked like an impenetrable white sheet engulfed the dome of the ship. It was obvious that the illusion had been done away with, though if that was due to the explosion, Lilith’s presence, or something else entirely, Xain couldn't say.

  Whatever the reason, it gave him pause at the sheer amount of snow, and how not even the sigils covering the ship could do more than turn it to rain as it engulfed the ferry.

  “Hey,” Lilith said as she threw one leg over the rail.

  “We have to go. Now.”

  Her words pulled his attention back to the task at hand, and Xain hurried toward Lilith, with Fen and Vector in tow.

  As they reached the railing however, Xain stopped as he found their supposed destination below.

  A small boat, clearly meant for no more than two people, sat rocking in the waves, appearing more like a child's bath time toy than their supposed escape.

  Vector, sharing Xain’s reservations, began “How are we-” but before he could finish, Lilith swung her other leg over the side, and dropped.

  Before either of them could fully process what they had just seen, and without a moment of hesitation, Xain saw Fen crouch, before quickly leaping blindly over the rail after Lilith.

  “It’s too small,” Vector said, as he looked between Xain and the boat below.

  “Too late now,” Xain said, as he grabbed Vector's hand, and pulled him forward.

  Vector resisted for a moment, but when he saw the option was jump or get pulled, he moved, joining Xain as they each planted a free hand on the railing, and pushed themselves over.

  …

  The moment before Xain and Vector landed directly on top of her and Fen, Lilith raised a hand, and tapped her array.

  It would have been easier to do this on the ship, but as the ferry stunk of sigils, she knew the risk would have been too high. Even here, she worried using her array may be noticed, but there was no other option.

  A large black silk bag appeared above her, the silver drawstrings around its mouth pulling back as it opened wide enough for both Xain and his friend to fall directly inside.

  While the apothecary bag was exclusive to her array, she doubted this was the first time it had been used to store people rather than herbs. After all, many things could be made with ingredients which were unique to runic users.

  As the two disappeared into the bag without a sound, she closed her fist, drawing the strings tight once more, and clipped it to the place on her belt where it hung, the bag shrinking to slightly larger than the size of her fist in the process.

  Most people didn't understand the potential of her array. Even her sisters, especially her sisters, had nagged her about changing to a template more suited to her duties. But Lilith was not most people. And where they saw Deaths Apothecary as weak, or better suited to the Husks who aided in Hel, Lilith saw opportunity.

  “Fen,” Lilith said, rubbing the wolf's head with an amount of affection that surprised her, “Can you please?”

  With an understanding she still could not comprehend, the wolf pulled back his lips in a smile, and tapped his array.

  Power flowed into the boat and sigils flared with light as the wolf poured power into the little dingy, steadying it and pushing it forward at the same time.

  The trip out had been exhausting, and getting back to Squall before the ferry made port would have been nearly impossible in her current state. Thankfully, the wolf was a wellspring of runic power.

  “Good boy,” she said, scratching him between his ears, as she pulled her cloak up tight around her, the boat moving softly in the waves as it pulled away from the ferry, and snow began to fall.

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