Bliss made himself comfortable in the luxury resort room provided by Novrun. The walls were black with a shining golden outline that was apparently made from real gold. It was a bit flashy for his taste, but they let him bring the cats, so he couldn’t complain.

  A tablet sat on the table in front of him, containing an official contract written by the minister of Novrun and her cabinet. The document would bind him to a specific itinerary that tourism advisors deemed most suited for showing off the planet’s wonders. Each destination listed had its own set of activities planned for the hero. Photoshoots, fan meet-and-greets, and signings found their way onto every list.

  The envoy that delivered the contract watched closely as Bliss carefully read through every line. He never signed anything he didn’t read in its entirety. Agreements to pose for “tasteful” nude photographs too often buried themselves under walls of dense text. Thankfully, the worst Novrun had to offer was a swimsuit shoot on the beach. Nothing he hadn’t done before.

  He signed his hero name and his actual name at the bottom of the screen. The envoy smiled as Bliss passed the tablet to him. When he checked the signature, the tablet was handed back to Bliss.

  “Sir, you have to sign your first and last name.”

  Bliss raised an eyebrow. “In the years I’ve been in the spotlight, have you ever heard anyone say my last name?” The envoy weakly shook his head. “Then there you go. If I had a last name, even if I was trying to hide it, someone would’ve found out what it was by now.”

  “Um…ok, sir. I’ll just take this away then.” He tucked the tablet under his arm. “Oh, and uh-please enjoy your stay on our beautiful planet. Your guide will be in shortly to bring you to the National Museum of Ancient Art.” The envoy hurried out of the room like his life depended on it.

  I didn’t think I was being that harsh.

  He checked his CellPulse and saw some missed messages he never bothered to check. They were mostly random pictures taken in space by Entropi. One image looked like a screenshot from security footage. The weird fanboy he met during the interns’ tour was throwing up onto Lunai.

  Wait, I’m grounded while that guy gets to go look for Loshket? He cannot find out about our history. Fuck, why didn’t Crux run it by me? It couldn’t have been Entropi’s idea.

  He immediately flipped to his message history with Lunai. There was a response to the video he sent her, but he never saw it under the wall of notifications from Entropi.

  [Bliss]: Sorry, didn’t see this. I’m doing fine, on something like a court-mandated luxury vacation. I saw that you’re stuck with the fish-boy.

  [Lunai]: Yep. Don’t worry, Entropi hasn’t killed him yet. We’re just doing some reading right now, but I’ll probably be unavailable soon.

  [Bliss]: Then I’ll make this quick. If you find Loshket, do NOT let him talk to that guy.

  [Lunai]: Ohh. I understand. I’ll do my best to keep them apart!

  He let his arms fall limp at his sides. He’d have to leave it up to Lunai to protect his dignity. It was only a minor issue, but giving up control still drove him crazy. Before he could sink too deep into that feeling, a little nose brushed against his fingers. Sorebel walked around to his feet and jumped onto the couch next to him.

  Just as his hand touched the cat’s black fur, the door to his room swung open with a thud. Sorebel jumped in midair and ran into another room. The man in the doorway stood at nine feet tall, taking up most of the overhead space. His khakis and vest with a name tag attached indicated that he was Bliss’s guide.

  “Oh boy, was that your cat? I sure hope it was. Can’t have vermin in our resort.”

  Bliss furrowed his brows. “Yes, that was my cat.”

  “Well, that’s a relief! But please don’t let it on the furniture, ok? Those things can be pretty filthy.”

  I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you.

  That had to be the worst first impression anyone ever made on Bliss, and that was a big feat. He had been greeted before with vulgar words describing the things people wanted to do to him, but no one, no one, could fuck with Sorebel and get away with it. Bliss had already logged the guide as an enemy in his mind. It was going to be a long vacation.

  “We should get going now. My name is Igor and I’ll be your guide for this trip.” He walked over and offered Bliss a hand, his shadow towering over the tiny human. “You have lots of adoring fans waiting for you at the museum. It seems your visit has already attracted plenty of visitors.”

  Bliss grabbed his hand and pulled just forcefully enough to make the man’s balance falter. His head fell forward to meet Bliss at eye-level. Staring him straight in the eyes, Bliss put on a wide grin.

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  “I’m so glad I can help bring people back here after the incident on Rengues.”

  Bliss released his hand and the man chuckled nervously. He led Bliss to the street where his tour bus was waiting for him. Of course, the vehicle did not have a roof. It was meant to put him on display as they traversed through the streets.

  Igor took the driver’s seat and started their journey deeper into the capital city. Bliss felt the wind running through his hair and leaned back into his seat. Despite the exploitative nature of the bus, it was quite nice to ride in. It was too bad the ride only lasted ten minutes.

  A crowd was waiting for him in the courtyard of the museum. Several armed guards lined the sidewalk where his bus docked. They cleared the fans standing closest to the bus and continued moving through the crowd at Bliss’s pace. He walked up the pearly steps to the front doors and went inside, finally shutting out the noise behind him. The guards remained outside and formed a barrier to the door.

  The only other people in the lobby was the photographer and his crew. Bliss let his eyes wander to the statues standing just beyond a large archway behind the guest check-in desk. He must’ve stared for a bit too long, because Igor gently nudged him forward towards the crew. Holding himself back from murder, Bliss shook the photographer’s hand.

  “I’m happy to see you again, Bliss. We’ve missed you at Nova Mode. It’s been nearly impossible to schedule anything with you lately.”

  “Oh, it’s just because I started my senior year. I have interns to train now; it’s been a very busy month.” Bliss gently rested his hand on the man’s upper arm. “You know I’m always happy to work with you. Just lead the way and I’ll follow.”

  Igor stepped in between them. “Actually, this will be a candid photo shoot. You may go wherever you like. Be yourself; let the pictures tell the story of a fabulous trip to Novrun.”

  This guy sounds like he was programmed for this. Is he a robot? Are they testing a new robot tour guide on me?

  Bliss gave Igor a brief side-eye as he turned around. It didn’t really matter if the man was a robot or a boot-licker, but Bliss didn’t like being used as a lab-rat, no matter how harmless the technology seemed. Whatever the case, he’d deal with it later when the minister was around.

  “Let’s see…Where do I start?” He took a look at a map stationed next to the archway. His finger traced the board, giving ample food for the camera. “Igor, would you recommend the exhibit on ancient artistic depictions of torture and imprisonment?”

  The guide flinched and put his hands up. “No, no! It’s a very important and captivating exhibit but, it does not belong in a celebrity magazine.”

  Bliss figures as such, but it was worth a try. He actually enjoyed art when it was loud and violent. For a moment, it would mimic the feeling of being ripped apart on the battlefield. When the only thing he could hear in his head was a ringing noise. When his only thought was what was happening in that moment.

  “Fine, I’ll go look at some family friendly pottery.”

  Bliss followed the signs in the hallway marked for the pottery wing. Igor started going on about how easy it was to navigate through the building. Pottery was on the third floor, so Bliss was forced to suffer through his lecture on proper signage for a good two minutes.

  “Igor, in order to get the best photos possible, I think we should be quiet and Bliss do his thing,” said the photographer, gesturing to the art around them. “He needs peace and quiet to admire such beautiful art.”

  I forgot your name, but you’re a true gentleman, Nova Mode photographer guy. Now that I think about it, he’s one of few who acts like a professional around me.

  The photographer was suddenly his best friend in the room. Every time he turned away from an artifact, he tried to get a good look at his name-tag. He wanted to request him for the next Nova Mode installment he would inevitably be requisitioned for. He managed to see the first few letters and the name came back to him.

  “Criophex!”

  The photographer jolted in place. “Yeah? Do you need something?”

  “Are you going to be the photographer for the other photo shoots planned for me?”

  Please at least the beach one.

  “Yes, that’s the plan.”

  Bliss’s face lit up. Someone would be there to keep Igor from driving Bliss off a cliff. He wouldn’t even catcall him while doing it! Truly one of the most exemplary beings the galaxy had to offer.

  Old God, what a low fucking bar. I wish I was fighting poachers with Lunai and Entropi. At least the poachers just want to kill me.

  A flash of light hit his face. Criophex managed to capture the smile on camera. It reminded Bliss that the man had a job to do. Keeping Bliss happy meant better photos for his magazine installment. Though, the lack of harassment was still a point in his favor.

  Bliss explored three exhibits before Igor deemed the museum visit complete. The next step was to address the adoring fans waiting outside. Bliss didn’t count them on the way in, but from the size of the crowd it had to be at least two hundred people. Igor had him setup at the check-in desk before the doors were opened. Guards flanked every side of his makeshift autograph station.

  Igor opened the door himself. A bold move, unless he was a robot, of course. He just barely managed to slide out of the way as fans started pouring in. The guards corralled them into a semi-organized line.

  Bliss signed a few photos and gave everyone a minute of his time. Most of them were well-behaved, but a few troublemakers ended up unconsciousness from a poke to their foreheads. It would be the best day of their lives.

  Novrun’s sun had set by the time the line fully dissipated. Igor took him to one of their five-star restaurants to eat food he didn’t need before going back to the resort. Igor brought him back up to his room to officially end the first day of his vacation. Only six more left before he could return to sulking on his own bed.

  “I hope you enjoyed the art at our museum. Oh, and Bliss.” He turned to face him with a completely neutral expression. “I was happy to be of service to you today. Please rate my performance on a scale of zero to ten.”

  Bliss froze in place. The man stood there expectantly, waiting for a response. Of course he was a robot. Why would anyone pass up the opportunity to test such advanced technology on an unsuspecting celebrity?

  “Oh, Old God!” Igor bursted out laughing. “I’m just fucking with you! Oh my Old God the look on your face!”

  The laughter continued. Bliss felt some of the color draining from his face. Without even realizing it, he had joined Igor in laughing. They went on for longer than Bliss would care to admit, but for that moment, something other than pain took the place of emptiness.

  The initial shock of Igor’s treachery eventually wore off, and Bliss bid the man goodnight. He plopped into bed and let the two cats crawl all over it next to him. Six days remained. Maybe they wouldn’t be so bad.