Epilogue.11

  "I was actually looking to see if there were any possible murder victims."

  As soon as Tara heard the words escape Clay's lips, her body went cold as the blood rushed from her already pale face.

  Was Raif right?

  Did Clay know about what Raif and her did?

  Did Clay know that she had been the reason those people were killed?

  Was Tara a murderer in Clay's eyes?

  Her mind flashed back to the room in the inn on the first day in the new world. She remembered entering that couple's room. The man had attacked Tara and she was too afraid to defend herself. Raif had to kill both of them to protect her. Tara's weakness was the reason two people were dead. It was all her fault. She was a murderer.

  No matter how many times Raif had warned her, Tara held hope that Clay would be different. She had hoped that Clay wouldn't be so quick to push her away.

  But why was that?

  Was Raif correct about her being unfaithful and secretly wanting to be with Clay?

  Was that really what she felt?

  As simple as it would have been to categorize her feelings as romantic, Tara just couldn't bring herself to do it. There was nothing wrong with Clay, and it was not like she wouldn't hate the idea of dating him, but romance wasn't the reason why she believed in Clay. If she had to put her feelings to words, "Out of everyone I know, when I'm with Clay, I hate myself the least."

  She couldn't be certain how Clay actually felt about her. He wasn't as easy to read as his blonde partner. She made it perfectly clear that she didn't want Tara around. She took every opportunity to make sure Tara realized that she was not welcome in their party anymore. Every time Clay would stand up for Tara, the blonde woman's face would immediately tense. The woman's eyes would tell Tara the words her lips couldn't say without upsetting Clay.

  What even was the relationship between Clay and that woman? Tara hadn't given it much thought because she tried not to pry into other people's personal business, but she wasn't able to get even the slightest read on what Clay and his partner were to each other. There had been no overt acts of romance, but they had both showed high levels of intimacy toward each other. When Clay had suffered after having to face the settlement on his own, she consoled him. Whenever that woman needed help, Clay would always drop everything to help. It was almost more like a relationship between siblings, or even a mother an child, than anything romantic. Her need to protect Clay could easily be interpreted as overbearing. But it was nothing like Tara's relationship with Raif. Tara knew that her relationship with Raif was one-sided. She owed everything to Raif, and it was her responsibility to work to earn his trust. Clay and the blonde woman would never act like either one owed the other anything, they would simply help each other without keeping score.

  Tara wanted something like that. She didn't care about labels, she just wanted to have a relationship with Clay where they could help each other. She was jealous of how even though that woman would say horrible things to Clay, there was never any actual malice. Clay would simply laugh off whatever she had said. But Tara didn't want to say anything mean to Clay, even as a joke. She was nowhere near confident enough to think that anyone, even Clay, wouldn't push her away if she was anything other than kind.

  But unlike Raif's words that always reminded Tara that she would never be worthy of praise, Clay's words seemed kind and genuine. Clay's words lifted her up, and made her feel like he saw her as much better than she actually was.

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  And now, as Clay pulled the sheets back on the people Tara had murdered, she realized that eventually Clay would break free of his delusions. He would see Tara for the worthless and loathsome woman that she was. His rose colored glasses would shatter, and he would do the thing that Raif had repeatedly warned her would happen. After all, only Raif would ever accept her after knowing who she really was.

  Any fantasies of Clay learning the truth and forgiving her crumbled to dust as his stern eyes met hers. He'd seen the bodies. He clearly suspected her. And his response was...

  "Tara, I hope you don't mind if I talk to Joan for a little bit. If it's too difficult to be down here, feel free to go upstairs. We'll be right up. We don't have long until we'll be moved to the next investigation, so stay close."

  She could tell that he had tried to fake a smile. Clay didn't want her to catch on that he knew what she had done. He would tell his partner his suspicions and confirm her cold behavior.

  Tara could only think of two possible ways this would play out. Either Clay would punish her for her crimes, or he would push her away.

  She preferred punishment over the other option. She deserved punishment, no matter how severe. But the thought of being pushed away by someone she wanted to hold close was beyond painful.

  So she ran.

  If Tara ran away, she would never have to know which option Clay chose for her. She could convince herself that he wanted to punish her, but he hadn't completely pushed her out of his mind. Even if Clay hated her, it would be better than being disregarded. So Tara took the choice away from him, and fled.

  Her clunky platform boots didn't stop until she'd reached Generic Tavern D, where she knew she would find him. But he wasn't inside, he was in the alley next to the building instead. He appeared to be talking to himself, but she couldn't hear his words. She could only see his animated gestures as his lips formed words she couldn't read.

  Raif noticed her before she got within earshot of him. As soon as he saw her approaching him, a smug grin formed on his face.

  "So she comes crawling back." His eyes contained nothing but disdain for the woman standing in front of him. Tara knew she deserved it. "So that loser didn't want anything to do with you once he got to know you, did he? When are you going to learn that you're just not the type of person that people want to keep around? Sure, if you're useful they might use you for a little bit, but then they'll toss you aside like the trash you really are. Nobody will ever put up with you like me."

  Tara's eyes lowered. "I'm sorry. You were right."

  "It says a lot about you that a loser like him wouldn't keep you around, even if it's just for sex. Maybe you have a better idea of just how little you're worth, and just how lucky you are to have me." He roughly gripped Tara's face as he inspected her for signs of intimacy. "Did you let him fuck you?"

  "No, it wasn't like that."

  "Shut up!" His hand tightened on her face. "Are you too stupid to know what a rhetorical question is? Of course you spread your legs for him because you're an ungrateful bitch. Even for a greasy nerd like him, you'd throw yourself at him. Did you think it'd make him love you? If you let him ravage you with his tiny nerd dick, did you think he'd treat you special or something? You're so fucking stupid!"

  "I'm sorry."

  "You're unlovable. I don't even know if I can fake loving you anymore because you're so ungrateful and disgusting." Raif glared at Tara without an ounce of warmth or guilt. "But that doesn't mean you don't owe me for taking you back. And maybe, just maybe, if you work real hard, I might act like I love you again."

  "Thank you."

  "I've never let you down. I've always been there for you. You owe me." The sickening sneer on his face was lost on Tara.

  "But what about at the tunnel... Why didn't you open the door?" Despite everything else, that betrayal couldn't so easily be swept away.

  "Are you fucking serious?! You're throwing a temper tantrum about me not opening a door for you when I was running for my life?" He swept it away... Easily. "And what about you? You didn't even look for me afterwards. You weren't worried if I was safe. You just jumped right on the first dick you found."

  "I'm sorry."

  "Yeah, you'd better be." He scoffed as he decided to change the subject without ever accepting any blame for leaving her for dead in the tunnel. "So what happened? What made you run back to me this time?"

  "The bodies... He found them." Her eyes started to tear up as she remembered Clay's stern glare. "He knows."

  "You couldn't even keep him from solving a case he didn't even know existed? Because you couldn't even keep that secret, now you've put me in danger?!" His words were poison. "What if he tells other players? Do you realize your mistake put a target on my back?!"

  "I'm sorry."

  "You know what we have to do, right?" Raif met her eyes with his cold empty gaze. "You are going to help me silence him and that blonde skank. Before anything else, you are going to help me kill them. That way, we can clean up your mess."

  "I..." She knew Raif was right, but her heart still ached. In the end, she submitted. Things were better this way. This was how it was supposed to be. This is what she deserved. Happiness wasn't something Tara was allowed to strive for. She owed him. "I understand."

  "The next investigation is going to be in a city. There will be more couples joining us, so we'll need to kill those two quickly. Luckily, I know exactly where we'll find them." His grin widened at the thought of killing Clay and his partner.

  "How?... How could you know that?" Even in her devastated state, Tara noticed Raif's access to information was unnatural.

  "Why do you think I would tell someone like you? Just shut up and do what I say." He made sure she knew her place. "Now, let's go kill your boyfriend."

  The timer hit zero, and they were transported to the next investigation.