I had one goal for the night.

  Sink into my recliner. Wipe the floor with some randos (with the help of my clan) in RuneQuest. Eat enough garlic bread to regret my life choices.

  It might have been a three-pronged strategy, but I was midway there.

  Controller in one hand, headset snug over my ears, I settled into my usual spot—feet kicked up, brain half in autopilot, my untouched food rapidly cooling on the side table. The rich, buttery scent of melted cheese and roasted garlic wafted up, taunting me, but I was too deep in a dungeon run to reach for it now.

  “Alright, alright,” I said, barely dodging an incoming fireball as I guided my heavily armored paladin—Sir Dumpsalot—into position. “So, get this, boys. Three—count ‘em, three—stupidly hot women have basically made it their mission to ruin my week.”

  The chat immediately exploded, a combination of discord chatter and messages.

  AxeMaster69: lol okay bro

  pwnedURmom: he thinks he’s in a hentai

  xX420NoScopeXx: pics or it didn’t happen

  C00chieGoblin: tell me more, father, I am taking notes

  I grinned, blocking a troll’s incoming strike and pretending not to be slightly offended at how little faith they had in me.

  “Nah, I’m serious,” I continued, shifting in my chair as my party started arguing about loot drops. “First one—right—walks up to me like she’s starring in some slow-motion shampoo commercial. Gold eyes, librarian glasses, literally stuns an entire city block just by existing. She hands me her phone, tells me I’m the only tech guy with a five-star rating, and then bam—disappears before I can even process what’s happening.”

  Silence… Then…

  AxeMaster69: why does this sound fake

  xX420NoScopeXx: 5-star rating where bro?? As an Uber Eats customer???

  C00chieGoblin: did she ask for your credit card info next?

  “I hate you guys.” I went on, ignoring the betrayal, “Then there’s this other girl—smokin’ hot, redhead, dangerous vibes, you know the type. Straight-up tells me she’d like to go somewhere with me.”

  More silence.

  Then:

  pwnedURmom: okay and then she took your kidneys in a hotel bathtub?

  xX420NoScopeXx: guys, I think he’s in a cult. Don’t let him indoctrinate you into his strange ways.

  I rolled my eyes. “And then my actual best friend (like a sister really but not savage like you all)—who, by the way, is also hot-adjacent—spent the entire time grilling me like I was a suspect in a murder case. Just straight-up judging me over potato skins. She literally told me to stay away from them.”

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  AxeMaster69: sounds like she wants you

  pwnedURmom: hot best friend? Say less. It’s a played-out trope.

  C00chieGoblin: "stay away from other women" lmao bro she in love w u

  I scoffed, focusing back on the game. My party had wiped out most of the enemies, leaving just the boss—an ancient fire demon—circling us like he knew we were about to get absolutely bodied.

  “Anyway, my life is stupid right now, and I don’t wanna talk about it anymore,” I said, swinging my sword at the demon’s legs. “Just let me kill this thing in peace.”

  I could hear them still typing, but I tuned them out, determined to finish the run. The boss was at 15% HP—victory was imminent. My fingers danced over the controller; my timing was impeccable as always. I was the renowned Sir Dumpsalot for a reason.

  And then—

  BZZZT.

  My phone screen lit up beside my plate of now tragically cold garlic bread.

  I glanced over mid-combo, expecting an update from work or a reminder about an overdue bill.

  Instead, a message flashed across my lock screen:

  STAY OUT OF IT.

  THIS ISN’T YOUR PROBLEM.

  I froze.

  The controller nearly slipped out of my hands.

  “Uh. Guys?” I said, still staring at my phone.

  No response.

  “Guys? Did you send that?”

  AxeMaster69: bro u good?

  xX420NoScopeXx: dude u just got insta-killed tf was that?

  I glanced at the screen. The boss had a health restoration effect, my character was very dead, and my party, already in chaos, was getting wiped out without me.

  But I barely noticed.

  Because my heart was pounding, and my brain was now screaming one very important question: Who the hell just sent me that message?

  “I’ll be back later. Something came up.” I mumbled, signing off.

  I stared at my phone screen, still glowing with that ominous message.

  STAY OUT OF IT.

  THIS ISN’T YOUR PROBLEM.

  I read it again. Then once more. Then five more times, just to be 100% sure that yes, some unknown entity had just personally invited me to lose my goddamn mind.

  I exhaled slowly through my nose. Okay. Think logically.

  Option A: This was a scam. Nigerian princes had upped their game.

  Option B: It was a weird prank. Possibly Elly, because she lived for my suffering and joked with me constantly.

  Option C: I was being actively stalked by a supernatural entity.

  ...I really hoped it was Elly.

  My stomach gurgled aggressively, reminding me of the cold garlic bread still sitting next to me. Right. Food. I could process existential dread and eat carbs at the same time.

  I grabbed a fistful of bread and stuffed half of it into my mouth, chewing mechanically while my brain tried to rewire itself around the events of the last two days.

  First, Euryale and her reality-breaking beauty asking for tech support. Then, she showed up uninvited at my workplace.

  Elly acting way too cryptic at the bar. The redhead talking to me, inviting me to get something to eat with her… I still didn’t know her name, but fate shouldn’t have that much hotness in store for me in a month, let alone a couple days.

  And now this.

  I washed down my rapidly cooling bread with a sip of room-temperature soda, cringing at the flatness but too exhausted to care. I should just ignore it. Whoever sent the message was probably messing with me, and the worst thing I could do was spiral into some conspiracy rabbit hole.

  I could just... pretend this wasn’t happening.

  Yes. That sounded like a great plan.

  “Not my problem,” I mumbled through a mouthful of garlic, shoving another oversized bite into my face for good measure.

  My brain was too tired to process supernatural nonsense. My body was too full of regret and dairy to fight off mysterious forces. My only priority now was sleep. I turned off my phone, slumped deeper into my recliner, and let the food coma take me.

  This was Future Daniel’s problem. And Future Daniel was going to hate me, particularly for the sore neck that sleeping in the recliner would bring…

  But that was tomorrow.