His consternation grew, however, when the heavily armored man came skipping down the central path like a school girl, and promptly tripped into one of the pit traps. The screeching sound of sharpened bone on metal was only met with a surprisingly joyous laugh. Xander winced, but the warrior just hopped right back out, barely seeming worse for the wear. “Ohhhh loooook, a whole family of bears!” Augustus’s voice said with glee, apparently just now spotting the Dungeon Lord and his bodyguards for the first time.
“What the actual fuck?” Xander asked no one in particular. He knew what had to be going on, but had assumed that Augustus would be more or less immune. “Wait… don’t tell me you made Intellect and Insight dump stats…” he groaned. Augustus chose to skip forwards instead of answering. Standing up and getting ready to start running away, Xander looked towards the other three people who had entered.
Rheagan and Sibil both had wide eyes and slightly zoned out expressions, but they were also wearing masks over their mouths and noses and were moving more cautiously. The two of them still had a bit of a sway to their steps, but maintained at least a modicum of situational awareness and caution. The cloaked and fully masked Ignaris moved without any sort of visible impairment for that matter.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Xander then jumped at a sound like crashing thunder, and instinctively tried to dodge behind Wendy. Stabbing pains from multiple fragments of bone embedding themselves in unarmored portions of his body assaulted him. Augustus had twirled and hit one of the generic skeleton minions so hard with the flat of his blade that its bones had turned into shrapnel.
“Holy fuck, what the hell level even are you?” Xander cried with pain in his voice, and a new limp thanks to a piece of bone stuck in his thigh. He didn’t let the shock or pain slow him down much though, there was no way he could let that man anywhere near him if he wanted to survive this encounter. “Uhhh, guys? What’s going on? I really hope you didn’t come just to kill me?” he called to the Firestarters.
“Hmmm?” Rheagan’s voice sounded a bit light and dreamy. “Xander? Is that you? Why do you look so… so colorful and pretty?”
Ignaris spoke up before Xander could answer “Your dungeon seems to be having an adverse effect on my team” the mage hissed like an angry kettle in his usual way. “Rheagan believed that you could be reasoned with, but I had my doubts, and little has changed.”
“Look man, I don’t know what you have against me, but I seriously don’t want to hurt anyone I don’t have to, and I thought we worked well together!” Xander said, yanking the large splinter out of his thigh while on the run. He winced at the pain, but sent his healing spell to fix the wound. He couldn’t afford to be slowed down right now.
“Oh we did~~!” Sibil giggled “People’s lives were saved, big wolfies were smashed up, and Jhakor’s flames feasted that day!”
“That does not change the fact that you still use the abominable undead, and that your dungeon has been trying to kill us” Ignaris hissed.
“Look, I didn’t know it was you guys coming, and it would take a long ass time to disable everything, plus I didn’t know if you were here to kill me or not.” Xander pointed out as he continued running. “And it really feels like Augustus is still trying to kill me for that matter.”
Rheagan wandered a bit further in, trailed by Sibil, hands held out to his sides peacefully. “Hey hey hey, you guys should relax, it’s not that bad Ignaris.” he said “And Xander… can I… can I have a hug? You look really huggable right now…”
“No you can’t, and no I don’t! I look like a lich lord with all kinds of scary bone armor and stuff!” Xander said with a strange combination of irritation and amusement. Rheagan had been one of the only ones to actually use his proper pronouns consistently, so the noble should have known better. Then again, maybe the noble just swung that way? Xander yelped and had to throw himself into a diving roll to get away from Augustus, who was twirling around like some psychotic metal clad ballerina.
Xander was starting to seriously reconsider his choice of psychedelic mushrooms as the upgrade to Spore Colony. Maybe it would be useful for a regular fight, but he really wanted to talk to these guys, and the spores were having very detrimental effects on that plan. The psychedelics seemed to have driven Augustus totally batty, and Rheagan and the others were barely holding themselves together as well. On the other hand, he had taken the opportunity to easily lead Augustus into his most potent trap, and Olaf erupted out of its concealment to try to capture the man.
Numerous strong vines wrapped around Augustus and lifted him into the air. No matter how powerful he was, he still only weighed as much as a regular person even though the armor added some weight as well. “Awwww, you’re so cute,” Augustus chuckled, “Sure, you can have a hug too big guy!”
Xander knew there was no way that Olaf would be more than a passing distraction, and even if he took the chance to spring the trap he doubted it would be effective on someone so strong. Still, it gave him the opportunity to create a little more distance between them and head towards the others. For a moment he thought Ignaris was going to throw one of those nasty magma balls at him, but the mage held off for now. Cracking and crunching sounds of bones being pulverized came from behind him, but he didn’t dare waste the time to look back.
Sibil giggled, “Hi Xander! I’ve got to say that it is kind of weird that you somehow took over this whole dungeon. Jhakor won’t tell me anything about it either, and that’s also kinda strange. You’re just… a really strange person, but not a bad one I think?”
“Uhhh thanks I guess? Can I hide behind you guys? I’m really not trying to fight that maniac, especially after what happened last time. Do you guys think you can get him to chill out?”
“Why, what did you do to him last time?” Ignaris demanded suspiciously.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, seriously dude?” Xander shot an angry look at the mage. “If I was going to try to kill you, I would have chucked my minions at you. But instead, they’re all standing around and getting clobbered by that idiot…”
Rheagan just rubbed the back of his head and looked more awkward than Xander had ever seen him. “I don’t think we can do anything about him,” he said, and they all watched for a minute as Augustus went on a merry rampage, smashing minions to bits with a huge grin on his face and nothing behind his eyes. “I think I’m confused…” Sibil murmured “If he’s so happy, why is he destroying everything?”
“Instinct…” Rheagan replied with a shrug. “You don’t get to be over level 30 without having an almost unconscious command of your survival instincts. Uhhh… are you sure I can’t just have one tiny hug?” he asked almost as an afterthought. Xander groaned “What’s with you and Augustus and wanting hugs? I’ve never really been the hugging type.”
The noble shrugged and looked a bit sad. “I don’t know… I just… really really want one right now?”
“What about me?” Sibil asked “I could… could hug you?”
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
“Ah, well… I think there is a rule about that somewhere… it’s not a good idea to do such things with party members?” Rheagan said carefully.
“But hugging a Dungeon Lord who you still think might be a necromancer and has weird mind affecting mushrooms is a good idea?” Xander asked incredulously.
“Ah, well…” Rheagan repeated himself, then paused before shrugging “I mean… you are still cute… and you’re the one who keeps telling us you aren’t a necromancer. Xander’s eye twitched reflexively at the comment, but he suppressed the irrational reaction and had to admit that he was pretty good looking even for a woman with green skin and hair. He was saved from having to figure out a reply when Ignaris commented dryly, “Save your strange mating rituals, the powerful warrior has destroyed most of this throne room already. We will need to take action soon.”
Xander had actually noticed the same thing, but had been procrastinating on actually doing anything. While he had two possible trump cards and also the alternative to just make like a dryad and leaf, he didn’t want to use any of those options. Watching as Augustus grabbed Wendy’s arms and pulled them off with only moderate effort seriously reduced his options, and how much time he had left to make them however. They probably couldn’t fight him, and they probably couldn’t outrun him. With a sigh, he looked at the still semi-functional members of the Firestarters. “I’m going to try to put him to sleep, just… don’t freak out okay? It’s not going to look particularly good…”
Ignaris started to grumble something, but Rheagan put a hand on his teammate’s shoulder “Come on, Ignaris, give him at least a little trust. I doubt there is anything he could do to seriously hurt Augustus anyway. Seriously, how could someone so cute be evil?” Xander heaved a sigh
He put the thought out of his mind and sent out a command, and three figures dropped out of the branches of the pillar like trees they had been hiding in. Sibil and Rheagan just looked a bit confused, but Ignaris froze and magic flared in his staff. “Easy dude, take it easy, they’re not for you…” Xander pleaded with the touchy mage.
Even he had to admit that his latest creations were objectively horrifying though. With squat insectoid bodies the size of small dogs, the newest minions had six proportionately large and powerfully muscled flea-like legs made for both speed and jumping, as they immediately demonstrated. Scuttling along the damaged floor faster than hungry cockroaches, vines waved lazily from their backs and large colonies of psychedelic mushrooms hung pregnantly beneath them.
Xander ordered his minions to leap at Augustus with a slight delay between each of them, figuring that the reflexes of the warrior might be too fast even in his current state, and he turned out to be right. All three rocketed through the air, propelled by their powerful legs, but Augustus whirled and caught Tenderheart in a hug. He also managed to sway out of the way of Love-A-Lot, but that took him right into the path of Funshine.
The third and final minion’s outstretched legs snapped into place around the warrior’s head, and its vines wrapped around his throat. Rheagan and SIbil watched in sickened fascination, some of their faculties temporarily restored by the sight of the minion grinding its belly full of spore laden mushrooms into the man’s mouth, nose, and eyes. Augustus dropped the crushed body of Tenderheart, and started scrabbling at Funshine.
Ignaris hissed “You seriously want us to believe you aren’t an evil necromancer? After this?”
“It’s not lethal or anything, it’s just… I mean…” Xander looked awkwardly down at his feet, “I’m just trying to stay alive too, you know. And I mean okay, who hasn’t seen those movies?”
“Movies?” all three of the Firestarters asked at the same time in confusion. “Errrrr, nevermind, it just seemed an efficient way to incapacitate people without killing them.” Xander mumbled even more embarrassed than before. Of course no one here would know what he was talking about.
Augustus’s powerful fingers finally found the edges of Funshine’s boney carapace, and ripped the minion off his face, flinging it to the side where it shattered from the force of the impact. Purple spore powder and crushed mushrooms covered his head, and he took a few steps towards Carl Jr., a manic look in his eyes.
“Holy shit, did that not work either?” Xander asked a bit fearfully. He might seriously have to consider letting the man catch him and kill him, since he was pretty sure that Mr. Sinclair wouldn’t take kindly to their final trump card being revealed. As panic and resignation warred within him, the high leveled warrior continued to advance with relentless cheer on his stained face. Before Xander could work up his nerve to confront the man, Augustus appeared to trip on thin air, and toppled over facedown onto the floor. He didn’t get back up.
You have incapacitated a Human Knight (Level 33 Initiate). For defeating an enemy 20 levels higher than yourself you receive an experience multiplier.
You have reached level 14. Two stat points awarded.
You have reached level 15. Two stat points awarded, one advancement awarded, one class ability or spell awarded.
New Achievement: You’re Sort of Impressive, Aren’t You?
You struck down the mighty, incapacitating an enemy both double your level and a tier higher than you. We’re pretty sure you cheated, but you still won and that’s all that matters.
Reward: Indomitable Spirit (Passive)
Indomitable Spirit (Passive): You are used to fighting those stronger than yourself. You are treated as being the same level as opponents of a higher level than yourself for the purposes of resisting their spells and abilities. Note: This does not affect your base stats.
While he was reading his system disks, everyone else had remained frozen for a long minute, before Ignaris asked “How is he not dead?”
Xander closed the windows and glanced over at the belligerent mage. “I already told you, the psychedelic mushrooms are nonlethal, but that high of a dose will probably have him on his ass for a while. I… don’t really know how long considering his level though. Can we please get you guys somewhere safer where I can see about detoxing Rheagan and Sibil though? They look like they are being affected by both kinds of spores as well…” he said half pleadingly.
Ignaris hissed from behind his mask “And how do I know you aren’t just luring us to our demise instead of having to fight us all at once? I don’t like you, dryad, and I don’t trust you either.”
Xander blinked at the mage for half a beat, then anger welled up inside of him when he realized what must be going on with the guy. “You know what, asshole? I don’t really give a damn anymore. You’re just a racist piece of shit who won’t listen to anything I have to say.” he growled back, cold fury growing in every word. He waved at where the doors to the throne room had been blown in. “There’s the fucking door, get out of my gods be damned dungeon, or I’ll throw you out.” The lava mage actually spluttered, so irate that he couldn’t put his thoughts to words.
Rheagan’s face fell a little, and Sibil just looked as confused as she had during this whole encounter. The noble asked “Is there no way we can stay and talk?”
“Oh, you and Sibil can stay,” Xander said, “But I’m done taking shit from that guy…” he waved in the mage’s direction without deigning to even look. “He’s done nothing but be ignorant and suspicious, and now I’m pretty sure most of it is because I’m more or less a plant and he’s a fiery rock guy, so he doesn’t like me. Well, I’ve got enough other problems and issues without having to deal with bullshit racism or sexism, so he’s no longer welcome.”
“You’re a necromancer and a heretic, and my comrades are not in their right minds” seethed Ignaris, finally finding his voice again, and bright globs of magic condensing around his staff. “And you took out Augustus, twice, with sneaky traps. I shall not let you destroy all we have worked for!!” he cried, getting ready to hurl an orb of lava. But even as Xander raised his ‘staff’, about to control nearby vines to truss up the unreasonable ass, Rheagan stepped between them.
“Enough!” his voice rang with authority, and he seemed more lucid for a moment. “Ignaris, your actions are unbecoming, and we shall have to talk about them later. I understand your concerns, but Xander has been far more reasonable than you seem to understand. Head back to the entrance and wait for us. Well, that is if Sibil wants to stay and talk?”
Sibil looked startled, like she had been put on the spot for a terribly difficult decision, but after the question was repeated she shook her head “I’ll stay… I owe Xander the most.” Ignaris hissed something that Xander couldn’t understand, probably in another language, but Xander just crossed his arms and glared at the guy. After a long tense minute, Ignaris glanced back at Augustus’s body one last time, then turned and stalked off without another word.
“Will he be okay?” Rheagan asked quietly, turning back to Xander. Xander shrugged “Probably? He doesn’t seem affected by the spores, and I’m not going to send any dungeon monsters after him or anything.”
“Oh good…” Rheagan said, posture relaxing more. Whatever willpower or ability had been keeping his head clear enough to take command fled him, and he gave the Dungeon Lord puppy-dog eyes. “Hug? Pleeeassseeee?” Sibil giggled as the tension broke, and Xander rolled his eyes. “Ughhh, fine, whatever…” he grumbled, and opened his arms.