It had been seven agonizing days since I walked out of Daeron's life. I had completely severed all contact, blocking his number and hiding from the world like a miserable coward.

  The tragic, hypocritical truth was, when Martha called me in a panic to tell me Daeron was tearing the campus apart looking for me, my heart soared. A desperate, toxic flicker of hope sparked in my chest. I wanted him to find me. I wanted him to kick the door down and take me back. But the rescue never came. After that first day, the trail went completely cold.

  The new apartment was a suffocating nightmare. The contrast between this cramped, cheap box and Daeron’s sprawling, pristine loft was physically jarring. I felt like I had locked myself inside a cage. There was no sanctuary here. There was no balcony. It didn’t feel like home, and the ache of missing Daeron was a constant, throbbing pain in my ribs.

  "Babe! Come on!" Jones yelled impatiently from the front door.

  I grabbed my purse, pasting a dead, practiced smile onto my face, and walked toward the entryway.

  "Shit, babe! You look hot!" His hand shot out the second I was in range. He grabbed my hip roughly, squeezing my flesh like I was a cheap escort he had just paid for.

  My skin crawled with immediate, violent repulsion. I spped his hand away hard. "Don’t you have any decency?" I hissed, gring at him.

  "Whoa! Chill out!" He stepped back, a smug, arrogant grin pstered across his face. "What, are you still not satisfied from st night, eh? You need more already?"

  Ugh. You make me sick. I had managed to successfully dodge his hands for the first few days in the new apartment. On moving day, I actually was on my period, which bought me a temporary, genuine reprieve. But for the rest of the week? I lied through my teeth. I told him it was just a long, heavy cycle to keep him from touching me.

  But he was relentless. He kept pushing, pestering, and trying to seduce me until I finally ran out of excuses and had to surrender my body just to shut him up.

  I tried so incredibly hard to force myself to love him to justify my ruined life, but his sheer entitlement disgusted me. And the sex? It was a complete, humiliating joke. He literally finished in a matter of seconds, rolling off me with a satisfied groan, and yet he had the absolute audacity to brag about it afterward. Fuck. And yet, this was the suffocating bed I had chosen to make. I could only pray that time would eventually numb my regret.

  **

  The frat party was loud, sticky, and completely pathetic.

  Compared to the dark, pulsing underground world of the Russians, this party looked like a childish joke. My mind instantly betrayed me, fshing back to Daeron's world. I remembered the heavy, vibrating bass, the thick scent of imported vodka and clove cigarettes, the absolute chaos of Nikoy, and—most of all—the wild, commanding, utterly dominant presence of Daeron moving through the room.

  Fuck! Just picturing Daeron's confident smirk in that VIP booth instantly sent a hot, heavy pulse of heat straight between my thighs. God, I was so entirely hopeless.

  Jones was completely oblivious to my misery. He pulled me through the crowded living room, eager to show me off to his inner circle.

  "Yo, boys! This is my girl, Jessica!" Jones announced proudly, puffing his chest out.

  His friends turned around. They immediately looked me up and down, their eyes lingering on my chest and legs with undisguised, sleazy lust. "Damn, bro! Your girl is lit!"

  Ugh, fucking disgusting. A wave of intense vulnerability washed over me. I suddenly realized how unprotected I was. If Daeron were standing here and saw them looking at me like a piece of meat, he would have grabbed them by the throat and crushed their skulls against the drywall. Jones just ughed along with them.

  "Babe, this is Sykos, Marlo, and TJ," Jones said, gesturing to the three guys.

  I gave them a ft, icy smile. "Hi."

  "So, what’s the pn for the warehouse party next weekend?" Jones asked, bumping TJ's shoulder.

  "Yeah... I’m not sure we should go to that one anymore. They are already back from their trip," TJ answered. His voice dropped an octave, all the sleazy bravado instantly draining from his face.

  Suddenly, the entire vibe of the circle ftlined. They all exchanged a heavy, panicked look, as if someone had just mentioned the grim reaper.

  "What’s wrong?" I asked, looking at Jones's suddenly pale face.

  "Ah, nothing. It’s just... there's a sick party we wanted to hit up, but it seems we're going to have to skip it," Jones answered, his voice tight and nervous.

  "Why?" I pressed, my suspicion immediately fring.

  "Let’s just say some incredibly dangerous people are going to be there," TJ expined quietly, constantly scanning the crowd around us. "Guys we absolutely do not want to cross. It’s better if we just avoid it entirely."

  Dangerous people? I stared at Jones, a cold chill running down my spine. What the hell kind of trouble was my "nice guy" boyfriend actually hiding from me?

  **

  June 2012.

  It had been exactly three agonizing months since I moved into this apartment.

  It was completely suffocating. It wasn’t that Jones was physically abusive. The reality was much more degrading: he was just completely apathetic. After trapping me into moving in, the "nice guy" mask had slipped. He constantly left me sitting alone in this cheap apartment so he could go drink with his frat brothers. He only ever brought me out to specific parties when he wanted to show me off as a trophy. I wasn't his partner; I was a prop.

  This is exactly what you deserve, Jessica. You traded a mansion for a cage. This misery is the prize you get for being a coward. Fuck!

  My only lifeline to sanity was Martha. She was the only person who knew the dark, twisted reality of my secret, and she had been fiercely supportive of me as my depression spiraled.

  I stopped walking, staring up at the bright, blue summer sky above the campus. The spring semester was officially over. Summer break had arrived.

  God... I miss you so much, Tiger. Please, God, just give me one tiny chance to see him again. Just one.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, a jagged ache tearing through my chest as I imagined what Daeron and I were supposed to be doing right now. The te-night drives, the zy mornings in the loft, the endless summer nights. It was a beautiful, perfect dream that I had murdered with my own hands.

  I let out a heavy, rattling exhale, forcing my legs to finish the walk to the apartment.

  I unlocked the front door and stepped inside. The moment I walked down the short hallway toward the bedroom, a disgusting, horrific sight completely froze the blood in my veins.

  "Wha—!" Jones gasped violently, scrambling backward against the headboard. "You're already back, babe?!"

  I stood perfectly still in the doorway, staring at the tangled mess of sheets.

  Really? This is the grand prize? This is the man I sacrificed Daeron for?

  I had just caught Jones having sex with a blonde girl in our bed. I smmed my fist hard against the doorframe, the loud crack echoing in the room.

  "What the fuck is the meaning of this?!" I roared, my voice vibrating with absolute fury.

  "Who’s that girl, babe?!" the blonde girl shrieked, frantically pulling the bnket up to cover her chest.

  Babe? Did she just call him ‘babe’?

  Jones was frozen, his mouth opening and closing like a suffocating fish.

  "Are you fucking deaf?!" I marched into the room as Jones scrambled to shield the girl. "Talk!" I demanded, my eyes burning holes directly into his skull.

  "Who the hell are you?! You’re trespassing, girl!" the blonde shouted, gring at me.

  "Trespassing?! I live here, you stupid bitch! Who the hell are you?!" I screamed back at her.

  "What?! I’m his girlfriend!"

  Girlfriend? Are you fucking kidding me?

  I slowly turned my eyes back to Jones. "You've been cheating on me, Jones?" I asked, my voice dropping into a lethal, deadpan whisper.

  Jones’s panic suddenly violently inverted into defensive rage. "Fuck you, Jess! Why are you acting so high and mighty?!"

  "What?!!"

  "Do you honestly think I didn’t know you were cheating behind my back, bitch?!" Jones roared, his face turning red as he pointed an accusing finger at me. "I heard all the rumors! Some insane dude was tearing up the campus looking for you the exact same day we moved in! Everyone confirmed it! I know you didn't actually live with Sean! You were living with another fucking man!"

  My jaw clenched so hard my teeth ground together. I couldn't deny it. But the sickening realization hit me: He knew. He had known for three entire months, and he sat on that information so he could use it as ammunition while he fucked other girls behind my back.

  "See?! Cat got your tongue now?!" Jones sneered, thinking he had won the argument. "I tolerated your lies, bitch! So you have absolutely no right to judge me, you fucking slut!"

  My guilt completely evaporated, instantly repced by explosive, unhinged rage. I snapped.

  "Fine!!!! Yes, I was cheating on you!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my voice tearing. "I lived with another man behind your back for months! But you want to know the difference?! I did it because I actually love him! I love Daeron!!"

  The tears finally burst from my eyes, streaming hot and heavy down my cheeks. I was screaming at Jones, but I was also screaming at myself for letting go of the best thing that ever happened to me.

  "WHATT??!!!"

  All the arrogant, defensive color instantly drained from Jones's face. He turned as pale as a corpse. The anger vanished, completely overwritten by sheer, trembling terror. "Did... did he know y-you were with me?"

  "What?" I sniffled, completely thrown by his sudden shift in demeanor.

  "Jess!!! Did he know?!" Jones shouted, his voice cracking with genuine, unfiltered panic.

  "Daeron? Which Daeron?" the blonde girl spoke up. She looked at Jones, her eyes suddenly going incredibly wide with horror. "Don’t tell me... Is he one of the Draufg?ngers? The Russians crew"

  I wiped my wet cheeks, staring at her in confusion. "You know Nikoy’s crew?"

  Suddenly, the air in the room completely died. Both of them looked like they were about to vomit. Jones slowly slid off the edge of the mattress, clutching the bedsheet around his waist to hide his nakedness. He took a slow, trembling step toward me, his hands csped together.

  "Jess, I’m so sorry. I'm so sorry for what I’ve done to you," Jones babbled frantically, begging. "But please... please, you can't tell Daeron about this! I beg you! He’ll hunt me down! Boris will literally hunt me down and kill me!"

  I took a step back in sheer, overwhelming disgust. "What the hell did you do to them? Why would Boris hunt you down?"

  "Jess, please! Did Daeron know you were living with me?!" he pleaded, completely ignoring my question, his eyes wild with fear.

  My stomach violently curled. Looking at Jones begging like a pathetic, terrified coward was absolutely nauseating. He didn’t care about me. He didn't care that he had broken my heart or ruined my life. He only cared about saving his own pathetic skin from the wrath of the Russians.

  "I am completely done here, Jones!" I spat at him, my voice dripping with venom. "I’m packing my things right now, and I am leaving this goddamn trash behind!"

  I rushed to the closet, violently ripping my suitcases down from the top shelf and indiscriminately throwing my clothes into them.

  God, why? After everything I destroyed, after the beautiful heart I broke just to honor my stupid obligation to him... why did it have to end like this?

  **

  I fled straight to the nearby 'L' train station, dragging my heavy suitcases over the concrete.

  My mind is a completely shattered mess. I don’t know where to go. I don't have a home anymore. There is only one pce left.

  My heart kept screaming his name, drowning out the screeching metal of the train tracks. Daeron... Daeron. My anxious mind kept reminding me of all the horrifying possibilities—that he wouldn't open the door, that he would yell at me, that he would look at me with that cold disdain—but I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to see his face one st time. Even if he already hated me for the letter I left, I needed him.

  After I arrived at his luxury building, I dug frantically through my purse. My stomach dropped. I had completely forgotten that I had intentionally left my spare keycard on his kitchen isnd the morning I moved out.

  It doesn't matter. I’ll just wait for him out in the hallway if he’s not home.

  I rode the elevator up to his floor. As the heavy doors slid open, my feet felt like they were cast in concrete. I hesitated.

  Will he even welcome me back? Can I really live with him now, loving him fully without the suffocating weight of my secrets?

  Hot tears started to run down my face again. The massive, dizzying relief of finally being free from Jones cshed violently with the agonizing regret of breaking Daeron's heart.

  I walked down the quiet corridor to his unit. To my complete surprise, the heavy metal door was slightly ajar, propped open by a small wedge.

  Huh? Why would he leave the door open like this? Did he just step out for a minute?

  I pressed the glowing doorbell, waiting anxiously. But there was no response. After a few agonizing minutes of silence, my desperation overrode my manners. I pushed the heavy door wide open and stepped inside.

  I looked around, completely stunned. The pce looked fwlessly pristine.

  Wow. He really took incredible care of the loft after I left. The whole apartment smells like artificial strawberry.

  Everything was spotless, but the soul of the loft felt slightly different. The yout had shifted. I walked over to the mini-library. The shelves and the heavy wooden desk—the space we frequently used as a prop for our intense, dirty rolepy sex sessions—was completely reorganized and sterile.

  Wait. Did he find my diary? Did he read it and throw it away?

  I stepped toward the bookshelves, but my eyes were instantly drawn to the gss doors of the balcony. It was the absolute only pce in the entire loft that hadn't been changed. I rushed toward the gss, pressing my hand against it. The acoustic guitar was resting perfectly on its stand. The two big floor cushions hadn't been moved an inch. It was exactly how I had left it.

  Are you keeping this pce the same just for me, Tiger? Are you waiting for me?

  "Who are you?" a soft, highly suspicious voice broke the silence behind me. "Why are you trespassing? I’m calling lobby security."

  I spun around. A gorgeous Latina girl with dark, flowing hair was standing near the entryway.

  Fuck! Did he move out? Did he sell the loft to someone else?

  "Wait!" I held my hands up in surrender, my voice shaking. "I’m so sorry! I thought this was Daeron’s loft!"

  "You know Daeron?" The girl's brown eyes narrowed, observing my face with sudden, intense scrutiny. Then, the blood drained from her face. Her eyes blew wide open with a mix of terror and absolute rage. "Are you... Jessica?"

  "Yes… how do you know my name?"

  "GET OUT!!!" she shrieked, her voice echoing violently off the high ceilings. She lunged forward like a rabid animal, her perfectly manicured hands grabbing my sleeve and forcefully dragging me toward the front door. "Get the fuck out of here!! Now!"

  "What the hell?! Let go of me! Who are you?!" I shouted, struggling against her surprisingly strong grip.

  "I’m Daeron's girlfriend! Now get out! You are a ghost, and you are not welcome here!"

  Girlfriend? Daeron... already has a girlfriend? She shoved me roughly out into the hallway, kicking my suitcases out the door behind me. "Now get the hell away from this building!"

  I stood in the corridor, completely paralyzed by shock.

  Is this really how it ends? Did you really find someone else to love, Tiger? No!!! I won’t give up easily! Not again!

  I stepped forward, confronting her aggressively. "I am not leaving until I meet with Daeron!"

  "No!!" She shoved my shoulders, trying to push me back toward the elevators. "I said get out! I’m calling security right now!!"

  "I don’t care! I’ll wait for him down at the front gate if I have to!" I shouted.

  Suddenly, her aggressive, territorial rage vanished. Her face crumpled, and her brown eyes filled with heavy, desperate tears. "Please... just leave," she pleaded, her voice breaking into a pathetic sob. "Don’t you know how much pain you already caused him?"

  What? The fight instantly drained out of my muscles.

  "He completely broke down because of you!" she cried, burying her face in her hands. "You’re so selfish! You don't deserve him!"

  I stood there, my heart shattering into a million irreparable pieces.

  "Please... just let us be happy. You already caused so much pain for him," she begged, looking at me with wet, devastated eyes. "Let him finally be happy."

  She’s absolutely right. I am a monster. I only ever caused him pain. How could I be so naive to think I could just waltz back into his life after destroying it?

  "…I’m so sorry," my voice cracked, the tears blinding my vision. I had lost.

  She immediately sniffled, wiping her eyes, and grabbed the handle of my heaviest suitcase. "I’ll help you carry your stuff to the station. But please, leave us alone."

  This is it. This is my karma. It makes perfect sense now why his loft looks so pristine and sanitized. She is taking care of him. She looks so genuinely heartbroken for him, and she’s incredibly beautiful.

  After we arrived at the nearby 'L' train station, she set my suitcase down on the concrete ptform. "Do you have a pce to go?" she asked, her voice softening.

  "… I don’t know."

  She looked at me with deep, pitying concern. "Let me help you find a pce to stay," she said, pulling her phone from her pocket.

  Fuck. She’s very kind, too. She isn't just beautiful; she has a good heart. I think I know exactly why he loves her.

  "No need," I gently stopped her hand. I swallowed the agonizing lump in my throat and forced a warm, accepting smile onto my face. "I’ll just crash at my friend Martha's apartment."

  She looked at me intensely, ensuring I wasn't lying. "Are you sure?"

  "Yes… say, are you guys happy now?"

  "Yes, we are," her answer was sharp, stern, and wildly protective. "And before you ask—yes, he has already moved on from you."

  The words acted as the final nail in my coffin. It stung my chest so deeply I could barely breathe. "…. I see. Well, thank you for the help."

  She nodded once, turning on her heel. I stood alone on the train ptform, watching the beautiful girl walk away, heading back to the loft to take care of the boy I loved.

  This is my ultimate karma. I lost absolutely everything because of my own cowardly decisions.

  Farewell, Daeron. I hope you are always happy.