While her first class had that little bump from being late, it wasn’t all that bad. Even though she had gotten a look from her teacher as if to signify her as one of those troublemakers full of excuses, she had vehemently let him know that it wasn’t her fault she was late even though she knew it was. She had chosen to fraternize with Maylin, which always seemed to get her in trouble. And even though the girl peeved her in so many ways, she was still a good friend, so she’d let Maylin’s little slight slide this time. After profusely apologizing to the teacher and letting him know it wouldn’t happen again, and getting some giggles from some of the slacker students in back—yes, she was making a judgment on them, which was evidenced by the way they sat in their desks, where they sat, and their overall demeanor—she in the front, alert and attentive the whole class period.

  Her second class was easy enough to get to. Luckily, she had plenty of time to get to herlocker and situate herself without interruption from Maylin as she was probably indisposed with whatever kept her busy, like boys. Her second class, though, was met with a little bump in the proverbial smooth road of the day in the form of a familiar face. As she had made her way in and set her things on her desk, a recognizable voice filled her ears.

  “Well, if it isn’t Katherine King,” the boy said in a tone as if he had known her for a while.

  And he had.

  “Kyle Cartwright,” she said sternly, turning to face him with folded arms and a half-smile. “It’s been a while.”

  Kyle was the kind of boy girls crushed on. Handsome, tall, striking green eyes, and a smirk that could either melt hearts or trick them in a tantalizing fashion.

  Katherine knew better, though, even though his eyes were nice, and his tone heartwarming in a way that she would never tell anyone, especially Maylin as she would tease Katherine to the end of the earth about it.

  This was the boy, though.

  Katherine had connected with Kyle on many occasions, related to him and what he said as they had grown up together. Part of her liked him, even though she’d never admit it to anyone, not even herself. Still, with each year he got increasingly handsome.

  Kyle shrugged and leaned back. “Oh, only a summer.”

  It was true, she hadn’t seen him all summer for some reason… well, she knew the reason, but she didn’t want to go there, and it wasn’t because he was busy with his job to help his family make ends meet, but because she felt tension toward him. Not tension she wanted to explore, even if part of her did.

  She remembered other times where she had felt certain things for him. Certain feelings she couldn’t quite put her finger on but realized there was something intriguing and mysterious about him. She didn’t like it, even though she did. Weird, conflicted emotions and fluttery feelings.

  In middle school, when they were seventh graders, he dated Madeline Mayhem, a popular eighth-grade girl. Katherine remembered seeing Madeline snuggling up to him one time after school which infuriated her, and she wondered why. She wasn’t the jealous type, was she? That was when she realized she did like him, curse it all. All the twirling and tilting feelings and heart-racing moments of confusion… was because she… liked him?

  Even in elementary his boyish charms got him into trouble, which he had claimed were mischievous fun to Katherine. And she just remembered giggling at his proclamation, the same weird feelings spinning in her stomach like a washing machine.

  Christ, she really did like him? It couldn’t be.

  She wasn’t even sure if Kyle was still with Madeline. She wondered what sort of things they did together.

  Why does that even matter if you don’t like him?

  Katherine had seen him flirt with many girls during and after school during their freshman and sophomore years. She did her best to stifle her feelings, rationalizing that she couldn’t be with a guy that got around. Granted, she had no proof of this besides him flirting, which led her to the obvious conclusion—in her mind—that he had to be dating those girls, or other things with them.

  That infuriated her, but why? Maybe she was jealous. If so, she had to stifle those feelings or her schoolwork would suffer, as well as taking care of Abigail, and other things that were more important than having a stupid crush on a silly boy.

  Besides, dating meant turmoil, loss of control, feelings that may not be returned, even if they were… curious and tempting things at times… Things dealing with her mind and emotions and body and—no, she couldn’t go there! Even if she—lord, save her—had explored her own body on several occasions out of curiosity and, well, because it felt good on the third time of trying, even though she knew it was a sin and told herself she would not do those things again! Nope. Not even for him. Still… Looking at his eyes made her knees weak and her chest heavy.

  Kyle eyed her as if she was holding onto something he wanted to know, regarding her with an almost admiring eye.

  He tilted his head, curious and in such an endearing and boyish fashion that she couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter. “What’s your secret?”

  The way he said it, and how he smiled and looked at her when he said it, was hard to ignore. And that alluring scent of his—sandalwood and a lingering musk. Oh, God! She needed to slow down, to stop, as a heat moved through her chest or was that against her thighs… or another place? No, not that. That is sinful.

  He stared at her with those gorgeous eyes of his as if he knew that she was holding onto a salacious secret. Did he know it was about him? No-no, he couldn’t! Get ahold of yourself! She did her best to maintain composure, fighting back the urge to squirm in her seat, and shooting back with her own playful nature.

  “Apparently, I’m not sexy enough for the boys.” It was a joke, after all, as she didn’t really care if she was sexy to boys or not… Well, not entirely. Besides, ‘sexy’ girls were simply sluts, even if part of her wanted to feel sexy in her own way.

  Kyle leaned back and let out a laugh, a melody of music to her ears that serenaded her heart as the heat pulsated through her. At the same time, she felt an uneasy anxiety because she wasn’t sure if he was laughing because she said something he didn’t expect, or if it was actually funny.

  Kyle had been a friend in middle school, not a friend like Maylin, but someone to talk with, joke around with, feel tension with… which was probably why her heart thumped in a yearning fashion as she looked into his eyes. It had gotten worse through their freshman and sophomore years. Getting to know him, joking around with him, letting him in in certain ways, and… feeling vulnerable and… liking him. She couldn’t think these things, feel these things, could she? And even if she did, she would never let anyone know, let alone act on them.

  She needed to nip this in the bud immediately or bad things would conspire.

  “Oh, boy,” he said, leaning forward on his propped-up arm, his chin against his palm as he smirked the most adorable boyish smile that made her heart melt. “Did Maylin say something obnoxious to you that led you to believe that?”

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  “Perhaps,” Katherine said, feeling her nose shoot up in the air as she stiffened in a defensive posture. Was Kyle insulting Maylin or stating the truth? After all, Maylin was like that. Still… “What if she did?”

  “Oh, she definitely did,” he said, moving his eyes lazily to her as if he knew things, and Katherine believed him, especially when their eyes met. It made her uneasy. She shifted her weight. She wanted to change the subject, wanted him to stop looking at her like that, because, because….

  When he blinked and looked away, she let out a reprieved sigh.

  She coughed. “So, how was your summer?”

  “Short,” he said longingly. “I wish I could go back. School’s so boring, and tiring, you know?” He stared out the window.

  “No, I don’t,” Katherine said, narrowing her eyes. She didn’t think about those things at all. Granted, while it took effort it provided them with structure, discipline, and a stable foundation to prepare themselves for the working world, it maintained order. If you just let things falter, if you just gave into your laziness and emotions, everything would fall into chaos. Then again, many students seemed to have that lazy, flying-by-the-seat-of-one’s-pants attitude. She certainly wouldn’t give into such stupidity. She felt the heat and fluttery feelings fade a bit as she gained her composure. “I quite like school.”

  Kyle let out a little chuckle. “I thought you might say something like that.”

  She liked seeing him laugh and smile. Granted, he did know her, but not that well, right? Part of her wanted him to know her more, but she pushed that part away as quickly as it came. What was with her?

  “You’re kinda predictable, you know?”

  Hmph. What does he know? Nothing. She felt frustration from his comment, defensive. Then again, it wasn’t untrue. She let out a scoff, doing her best not to flush in the cheeks, nor feel embarrassment or get too angry. Instead, she flung one back at him.

  “You look tired. Were you up late doing extracurricular activities with classmates?” She knew he was a flirt, and probably much more. Images of doing things a young man should never be doing met her mind. While it was an assumption, it came from observations. Besides, it was natural for teenage boys with raging hormones to be driven to such things. It was disgusting, really. At the same time, there was a bit of curiosity on her end, even if it was mild. Even if she had explored her own curiosity in various ways. But that was a mistake on her part, giving into sin, and she certainly wasn’t going to become like Maylin.

  Though part of her wondered what it would feel like to be looked at longingly, thought about in a romantic way, hugged, maybe even kissed? No-no-no, she mustn’t think those things. She squirmed in her seat, wanting very much to rub hands against her warm cheeks. This kind of thinking was Maylin’s territory. Then again, if Maylin got wind of some of the things she had explored—Yikes! Let’s not let that happen.

  But being around Kyle, even back in middle school, she always felt warm, protected, seen and heard. He made her heart flutter.

  Dammit, get a hold of yourself, Katherine. She flinched, feeling bad for thinking of such a word, for getting upset so easily, for being so silly. For many things. This is what disorder and chaos brought, and therefore it was logical to avoid it all entirely… right?

  “You could say that.” He leaned forward, his unwavering eyes back on her, watching her, studying her, reading her, and waiting for his moment to speak. It was like he understood her, even when she was thinking things.

  It made her uncomfortable, so she shifted her weight, wanting to raise her hands in protest, blocking his eyes from probing into her, feeling as if she was naked or something. It was weird. She felt vulnerable with his eyes upon her. Yet… part of he wouldn’t mind if he saw her naked—No, no. no!

  “I do enjoy curriculars and activities in a certain sense.” The way he said curricular was wrong, as if he was saying a naughty word. This was getting deep, too deep, and in a classroom of all places.

  “Aren’t we the playboy?” she said with an indignant frown.

  “I do like to play, and I am a boy,” he said with a sly smile.

  That was enough of this little banter, or whatever it was, so she sat down with a huff. “Does repeating back of things in a clever way swoon all the girls?”

  “Swoon?” he said as if mulling the word over. “That’s a nice word. Maybe one day you’ll swoon for me.” He frowned himself, placing a hand on his chest. “And I’m touched that you think I’m clever.”

  “I,” she said, feeling her cheeks get hot as she did her best to hold her composure. Embarrassment and frustration simmered as she wanted to stifle the conversation, stifle her rising emotions. Stifle the intensity. “These sorts of topics are not something children should be engaging in.” She felt her body go rigid as she stared him down.

  He leveled his eyes, his sly smile remaining, not giving anything away except a playful nature, and she couldn’t help but feel the rise of heat again. What was this feeling? “While we certainly aren’t children, what sorts of things are you talking about? Care to enlighten me?”

  “I,” is all she said, again, suddenly stammering, not sure what to say or reveal because it wasn’t thoughts she was having, and definitely not things she was doing. Well, not anymore, and certainly not with others, not even him! “No, definitely not.”

  Still, he wasn’t going to get that out of her, get her to say such sinful things, then turn it around on her as if she was the one thinking them. Those things, though—the things he asked her to enlighten him on. He hadn’t said them himself, nor had he done them, right? At least there was no proof that she hadn’t seen him do those things. She had just assumed from his nature, his tone of voice, observations in middle school, things like this. Just a knowing, a girl’s intuition.

  Still, she wasn’t going to give into his little games. “I certainly won’t say them because I don’t think those things, nor do I do them.” And that settled that. Part of her felt bad the way she said it, as if implying he did those things, which she wasn’t sure of or not. What really killed her, though, and she wasn’t sure why, was the thought of him caring for another girl, looking at another girl in a longing fashion, feeling passion for another girl.

  He simply nodded, chuckling slightly, and giving an “okay” as if he totally knew what he meant and so did she, so he had won this little round, at least that is what his eyes and smirk revealed.

  She snorted and turned around in her seat as the teacher entered the room. She felt as if Kyle’s eyes were on her the whole time but didn’t dare glance back and give him a clue that she was thinking about him.

  “Good morning, I am Henry Stegner, your English teacher,” the man said, moving around the room and placing stapled pieces of paper on each desk. “Today we’ll go over the syllabus and what is expected of you in this class.”

  When the bell rang for lunch, most of the students scrambled out the door as if their lives depended on it.

  Katherine, on the other hand, finished up jotting down notes from the class while flipping through the syllabus, thinking about what the teacher discussed and what she could do to get ahead of her assignments to ensure she got an A.

  Kyle placed a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up at him and blinked, totally taken out of her trance of putting together a schedule based off her first four classes, which was plenty to build a schedule out of. She had to make sure everything got done properly, smoothly, and ahead of time, always adjusting for leeway in case things came up. And things always came up, like Kyle placing a hand on her shoulder.

  “You coming?”

  “For what?” she said, narrowing eyes on his hand.

  He laughed, lifting his hand as if to say I come in peace and mean no harm. “You know, there’s this thing called lunch where us humans eat.” The way he said it reminded her of a first date might look like with him.

  Kyle certainly wasn’t a young boy, nor was he timid. While Katherine wasn’t the type to be asked out, Maylin always let her know all the gossip in that area. Providing Katherine with social media links of other students, and about who was dating whom, and other steamy topics involving social speculation. It was like Maylin was infected with fear of missing out syndrome, thus causing her to obsess and push away the very thing she claimed to want. It was another example of disorder.

  If Maylin had spent half of her time focusing on school, she wouldn’t be a straight-C student that was barely passing, but rather a B-plus student with potential and options. Why couldn’t she see that? Was the adolescent mind really that underdeveloped to not understand that now was the time to reach for potential and grow as a human being.

  Katherine let out a sigh, feeling a bit exhausted from the efforts of the day, especially since her stomach suddenly began to growl, making her the embarrassed one again. “Yeah, I’ll be joining. Just give me a minute to finish up, okay?”

  Kyle nodded, placing one hand in pocket. “Okay, I’ll see you there. I need make a pitstop before that.”

  She suddenly wondered what this “pitstop” entailed, and if it involved another girl, not that that was any of her business. Still, she felt a little jealous, which made her wonder why she was such a silly and conflicted girl. This kind of conflicted thinking was what led to disorder, and she didn’t want that. Didn’t want that at all. So she committed to maintaining the order.

  And she was glad he was leaving, at least for now, because that placement of his hand against her shoulder… did things to her, and she wasn’t sure what to do with said things, so she just filed them away in a compartment of emotions and confusion and finished up what she was doing before said touch of hand to said shoulder.