Chapter 1: New Game

  Entry 01

  It had started out as any other day until a man claiming to be Elon Musk approached me. I immediately called bullshit. The man standing before me was far too well spoken to be him, and even if he was, why would he take interest in a nobody like me? The impostor immediately dropped the act. Only to then claim he was God Almighty who’d taken a human form so my brain wouldn't implode at the sight of him. I was about to start laughing when he demonstrated his power by turning a nearby bench into salt, and stopping time all around us. I was still a little bit skeptical of his claim. But decided to hear out the reality warping being while hoping he didn't finger snap me out of existence. As it turns out he only wanted to sponsor me in a little civilization building experiment. By that he meant give me the power to do anything, and see what kind of society I wound up creating. The singular rule in place was that I’d only be permitted to build things that could plausibly be done with currently existing technologies. The one exception to this being the Warp Portal MacGuffin, and even that obeyed real world science to a degree. This sounded way too good to be true, so I asked him why he was doing any of this. His response was boredom, and he wanted to see what I’d do.

  An all powerful omnipotent being looking to amuse himself? Yeah, I can believe that. In fact that's the only explanation I'd be willing to accept at face value.

  So after a few moments of careful consideration I accepted his offer, and was immediately handed super god powers. Along with an entire planet to do whatever I wanted with. I was a little surprised at this. So I ‘zoomed out’ to have a look around, and saw this world was in the Warhammer 40,000 galaxy. More specifically an isolated region of space called the Morris Expanse. He knew I was going to come up with something absolutely insane, and handed me the justification for its existence on a silver platter. As for the planet itself. It was a normal Earth-like one. Most of its surface covered in a mixture tundras, and arboreal forests. With more temperate climates near the equator.

  With nothing else to do, and an eternity of free time on my hands, I got to work writing my ideas down. Then doing some basic research, and even running the data though various AI chat bots. Just to make sure I wasn't shooting myself in the foot. If I wanted to create another planet spanning failed state like present day Earth. Then I'd listen to the sage advice of damn near any politician out there, and I'd run the place into the ground in no time. I wanted to create something that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to share the same dimensional reality with. So I took my time, and tried to be as thorough as possible. The end product of my efforts was a strange amalgamation of a wide range of cultures, and organizations from throughout all human history. Cultures such as Ancient Greek Sparta and Athens. World War 2 Switzerland. The Early 2000's internet. Scandinavian Vikings from the midevalera. Every heavily armed survivalist movement ever. The Viet Kong merged with the Taliban. The Ancient Roman Empire. A union of fortress city states mixed with a badass warrior clan. Dwarf Fortress combined with Rimworld, and an extremely marshal constitutional republic led by a triumvirate

  Once I finished setting everything up. I got to work on the people who'd be inhabiting this glorious new society, and gave them the same balls to the wall treatment. By the time I finished I'd pretty much created a new species of human like the Neanderthal or Cro-Magnon. Except instead of illiterate cavemen it was literal super soldiers.

  Finally, with everything was said, and done. I switched to observation mode, took a good long look at what I'd created, and saw that it wasn't half bad at all.

  Meet the Avvite Warrior Clans of Falonde.

  -Altair the Allfather

  Adler Murik couldn't remember being born, no one he knew of could recall anything that far back. But most of them did remember learning how to speak when they were six months old. By the time they were over a year into their lives, were speaking almost as fluently as the adults around them.

  If they hadn't taught themselves how to read semi-competently by the time their third birthday came around. Then it was pretty obvious to anyone they weren't going to amount to anything in life, and their parents had spawned an overpriced novelty bullet catcher.

  Thankfully for Adler, his childhood development was relatively normal, and he avoided any real scrutiny from his fellows for the most part.

  He used the word “relatively” for a reason.

  While he wasn't born with any obvious malignancies of either the mind or body. He was a lot more curious about the world around him than most others.

  Particularity the various living creatures in it.

  Fortunately for him, he’d been born into an enlightened society that actively encouraged its members to ask as many questions as possible. The logic behind this was so their elders could fill in as many of the blanks as they could. The new generation would be able to perform their chosen professions much more effectively as a result.

  As an added bonus it helped prevent any malicious actors from taking advantage of their ignorance.

  The reasoning made sense to Adler, and he could ask about anything to his hearts content. Though he did keep his inquiries varied to be on the safe side.

  He would one day come to learn that most foreign cultures weren't so accommodating to people who asked too many questions.

  Oh sure they preached about tolerance, truth, enlightenment, freedom, equality, understanding, and all that shameless pandering nonsense. But the second anyone started criticizing or disagreeing with them they changed their tune real damn fast.

  But that was a story for another time. Adler’s only real concerns at that time were finishing his breakfast so he could watch his favorite television show.

  The one with the funny puppets.

  Those mornings were Adler's favorite part of the day.

  But now, when he looked back on those carefree days as an adult, he began to suspect there must’ve been something wrong with whomever came up with that crazy puppet show.

  Yes, it did an excellent job of teaching children important things about the world around them. But the characters in it were deranged.

  There was the green frog with serious anger issues. A blue monster with an out of control eating disorder. A mammoth who was a drug addicted street junkie. An unhinged misanthropic green creature that lived in a trash can. A giant yellow talking pigeon that no one seemed to find strange. A floating smiley face who likely had several bodies underneath the floorboards of his house.

  Then the writers had the sheer unbelievable audacity to put a pimp on there.

  Yes he was a pimp.

  He had a cape, and everything.

  They called him the Counter.

  And this was just from the television.

  Then there were the cautionary children's stories his parents would read to him after supper. These books were written by Altair the Allfather himself, and Adler had hundreds upon hundreds to choose from.

  Well over a thousand in fact.

  A ‘small’ list of Adler's personal favorites were Let Them Eat Cake. Wrath of the Keyboard Warriors. The Bus Driver Dictator. Two Plus Two Equals Five. The Rise and Fall of Antifastan. The Wars on Abstract Concepts. Stompy the Angry Police Horse. Green Maggot Biscuits and Fake Ham. The Great Leap off a Cliff. The Legendary Green Carbon Scam. Columbine: The Gun Free Zone. Identity Politics Animal Farm. Escape From the Communist Cannibal Island. Freedom and Tolerance by Overwhelming Force. The Democratic Peoples Republic of Doom. The Mean Social Media Post Police. The Dopamine Zombie Apocalypse. Attack on Pedophile Island. Jim Says: Drink Dah Flavoraid. Arrested for Disarming a Home Invader. Invasion of the Pod People. The Social Credit Dystopia. The Blackface Drama Teacher Who Stole Freedom. Attack of the Trans-Formers. The Voldemort Virus. The Mad 72 Virgin Bomber. You Will Own Nothing and be Happy, and The Communist Killing Fields just to name a few off the top of his head.

  Adler couldn't help but laugh at the sheer unadulterated absurdity of those books contents.

  The Allfather's crazy made up fairy tales may have been intended to teach important life lessons. He also got points for creativity. But they did so with the subtlety of a brick to the face.

  Speaking of educational material, Adler was also given the spiritual version. He learned about how God had created the world of Falonde, and all the living things on it. Then tasked Altair the Allfather with creating a people, and civilization worthy of protecting it.

  No, Altair didn’t have to name everything. That was already done by someone else.

  Despite the limitations placed on him. The Allfather managed to create a people, and culture so strong they were able to defeat much larger, and advanced adversaries.

  When Adler asked if his parents meant the other Avvite Clans they shared hesitant glances before explaining the wider galaxy to him. They told him that there were countless other planets out there. Each with their own strange inhabitants, and societies. Through the use of Warp Portal technology. The Clan Triarchies would launch attacks on the worlds of the Morris Expanse for their natural resources. Along with any useful technology.

  While most of the civilizations on these bizzaro worlds consisted of backwards thinking, easily defeated, technologically inept, weak willed, and incompetent cowards not even worth ruling over. It became clear that some were more deserving of annihilation than others.

  In those carefree early days it also became clear that the Clan Triarchies needed to be very careful in selecting which targets to go after. Lest they create a competent enemy hellbent on their annihilation.

  Enter the Ideal Enemy Conditions Checklist. A simple set of criteria, and sub-criteria that a targeted civilization needed to meet the majority of. Before the Clan Triarchies could even begin thinking about attacking.

  Most of the chart featured words, and phrases such as ‘genocidal’, ‘technologically stagnant’, ‘kakistocracy’, ‘universally reviled’, ‘rapidly declining’, ‘not protected by greater powers’, and other traits that would make them an ideal target for invasion.

  The enemy had to be the most useless form of scum creation had to offer to both maximize the chances of victory, and reduce the chances of something going wrong.

  But that was the first half of the Ideal Enemy Conditions Checklist. The second half consisted of a list of contingencies, and dead mans switches the leaders of the invasion force must be able to activate.

  In rare event the worst case scenario came about, and defeat started to look inevitable. They’d have an ‘abort’ button they could press.

  The invasion force might not win. But at the very least they’d be able to make an organized withdrawal, and cover their tracks.

  Finally, there was a section listing certain types of worlds that were to be avoided at all costs. These included ones with high amounts of Warp activity. Inhabitants with access to highly advanced super-technology. Large populations of psychically active space wizards. Or possessing anomalous properties.

  Their super soldier nature, and highly marshal society meant the Avvim could punch well above their weight class.

  They couldn’t punch the moon out of orbit with the press of a button or alter the laws of reality with a finger snap.

  Despite the strict rules set in place. The Clan Triarchies still found themselves with plenty of targets to choose from.

  The greatest of these were worlds that had come under the control of one of the many Ork splinter empires of the Morris Expanse. While the Avvim lacked true space faring technology themselves. They’d long since developed effective countermeasures against such enemies.

  It also helped that Ork ships were little more than massive piles of scrap held together by the power of imagination, and duct tape.

  The wars for these worlds were brutal. With the already contaminated planet being turned into a scorched wasteland by the time it was all over. But once the Orks were dealt with the Avvim had an entire solar system’s worth of resources all to themselves.

  Not to mention the literal mountains of scrap metal that could be melted down into more useful items.

  Another common target were planets whose inhabitants had already destroyed themselves. The primary benefits of doing this were not having to grapple with the moral quandaries of genociding an entire civilization, running the risk of the enemy turning the tables or expending large numbers of very expensive weapons of mass destruction. As an added bonus the invasion force got to play the part of post apocalyptic explorers, and search the destroyed ruins for artifacts.

  Unfortunately the Avvim more often than not found themselves having to deal with whatever it was that killed them. These things ran the full gauntlet from legions of autonomous killing machines, giant bio-engineered abominations against nature, packs of eldritch horrors summoned from the Warp, and in one recorded case a literal zombie apocalypse.

  The final major group of ideal targets were pestilential alien empires that did whatever they wanted to whoever they wanted, swarms of mindless monsters that annihilated everything in their path, and nomadic despoiling Chaos Worshiping warbands so cartoonishly evil that their antics had to be seen to be believed.

  These adversaries represented the upper limits of what the Avvim were capable of dealing with. But the rewards offered for their help in fighting them were immense, and no tears were shed with their passing. In fact the other local powers usually celebrated when these menaces were finally put down.

  Even the more normal civilizations of these other worlds sounded like something out of a lazily written dystopia where the inhabitants were forced to work all months of the year in the most grueling conditions imaginable. They did this while only getting to rest on the weekends, and sometimes not even then. All at the behest of the most corrupt leadership figures imaginable.

  But the banal horror was only beginning with the average citizens quality of life being in constant decline in tandem with a skyrocketing cost of living, and with no visible end to either in sight.

  If the people had a problem with all this then too bad. They were only allowed to protest what their overlords allowed them to, and woe betide anyone who stepped out of line. They weren’t allowed to criticize certain groups of people either, use specific types of wordsm talk about uncomfortable subjects or else they'd be punished.

  Or just outright disappeared.

  So much for freedom of expression.

  Then there was the shocking revelation these societies legalized things such as usury, interest rates, paper money, fiat currency, middle management, monopolization, nepotism, and debt. This, unsurprisingly, resulted everyone but the ultra wealthy ruing elite being enslaved.

  Adler shook his head in shameful disbelief at this information.

  Madness.

  Madness, and stupidity.

  But the most baffling of these stories for Adler were the ones about personal protection. He actually had to have it explained to him multiple times to wrap his mind around what he was hearing.

  The majority of these people weren’t allowed to bear arms, booby trap their homes, make stealing their personal items an extreme risk or even fight back in self defense when some rampaging pink haired communist freak with a gun, and a grudge against normal society targeted them.

  Instead of that, they were entirely reliant on corrupt law enforcement agencies for their safety.

  On second thought, never mind street criminals. What were they going to do when the sky opened up, and hordes of eldritch rape demons descended upon the population?

  Ask the literal cosmic horrors to wait for the authorities arrive, and arrest them?

  Adler’s mind was further blown when he learned they’d somehow gotten it into their heads that this was a functional, and effective system.

  He didn't know what manner of mental gymnastics they’d done to come to these conclusions. But it must've been gold metal stuff.

  Those stories may have been awful to hear. But they did make Adler appreciate how lucky he was to live in Avvite society where he did have the right to bear arms. He did have the right to defend himself. He did have the right to ensure his property was secure, and if the people didn’t like what the Clan Triarchies were doing, then they could simply exercise their constitutional right to violently overthrow them.

  But as fantastic as life on Falonde was Adler would sometimes overhear whispers of the Clan Triarchies drawing up plans to found new clans to colonize other worlds.

  Surprisingly enough, the Avvim had been invaded many times in the past. These interlopers were usually piratical Ork fleets seeking plunder. the remnants of defeated Chaos warbands looking for revenge, and in one instance they were attacked by a bunch of crazy spike covered pansies who pranced around in skin suits made from their victims.

  While these would be conquerors had all been uncerimoniously blasted into spreadable paste on the pavement by superior Avvite firepower. The danger of a sudden extinction event was still there. If not from the sudden incursion of a superior enemy. Then by some other world ending natural disaster.

  Taking up permanent residence on a properly terraformed, and colonized world. Instead of some irradiated rock used for resource extraction or weapons testing. That was an interesting thought. But what were the Avvim going to do when some massive space faring alien empire with entitlement issues came along, and took it without asking?

  Something to ponder later.

  Adler’s early childhood development wasn’t entirely academic. Once he was able to walk, talk, and interact with the world around him. His parents subjected him to a strict regime of drills, combat training, simple trap laying techniques, and lessons on how to use guns. So he wouldn’t accidentally shoot himself in the head like in those commercials.

  The first gun he’d ever used took the form of a simple training pistol that had been scaled down in size to fit his tiny baby hands. He taught how to corrently hold onto it when firing, how the safety worked, how to safely reload it, how to keep it properly maintained, and so on.

  Once those lessons were complete, Adler’s father shot him in the gut with the pistol to show him that, yes, bullets hurt. So don’t stand in front of them. The gun may have only been loaded with blanks but it still hurt like hell, and he’d spent the next few minutes on the floor writhing in agony before he could even move again.

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Unfortunately, the most harrowing event in Adler's early childhood was yet to come.

  When he reached the age of five. His parents bought a wolf from the pound, put a shock collar around its neck, and brought it back home in a cage. He thought they’d gotten him a pet for companionship since he didn’t have any siblings who were children like him.

  But he was almost immediately proven wrong when his parents handed him a large hunting knife, and locked him an empty room with the wolf.

  Adler was then told he wouldn’t be able to watch any of his shows until he killed the wolf in single combat, and butchered its corpse.

  So that's why he was taught so many knife fighting techniques.

  He was able to succeed on his first try by stabbing the wolf in the mouth when it lunged to bite his face off. Then when the wolf instinctively turned to run away he leapt onto its back, and decapitated it with the knife.

  Once the fight was over. Adler, now drenched in blood, and known as Adler 'Wolfsbane' Murik, skinned, and butchered the wolfs now headless corpse like he'd shown. He also used this as a golden opportunity to get his first real look at the insides of another living creature, and gain new insights into how they worked.

  The whole process took a while. He didn't exactly have a whole lot of prior experience. But he was able to finish up in time for his favorite show.

  He even got extra helpings of cooked wolf meat during supper.

  Adler would later learn this was a pretty normal thing for parents to have their children do in Avvite society. In fact, it was constitutionally mandated, and any child who wasn't trained would be locked out of society while the rest of the family became social pariahs.

  After slaying the Big Bad Wolf in single combat, and dissecting its corpse for scientific study. Adler's life went on as normal until he turned six, and was enrolled in the local Agoge Training Program. He’d still be able to visit his parents on the weekends, and do whatever he wanted during summer break. But other than that, this was his new life until his education/training/conditioning was complete.

  When Adler first arrived at the Southern Cocidius Agoge Training Center. He was greeted with a huge, and fortified facility that looked like a cross between a college campus, a guilded palace, and a high tech military training academy all rolled into one.

  The other buildings he'd seen in the fortified city were blocky, and imposing bunker-like structures built to survive bomb blasts. But they were utilitarian, brightly colored, and relatively aesthetically pleasing to look at with the buildings themselves being mostly underground, save for a small number of surface level floors.

  This place on the other hand was a radical departure from those familiar design philosophies. Almost everything was above the surface, and the structures themselves far more ornamented.

  After being led down a series of winding hallways. He found himself in a classroom with twenty other children his age including a grumpy looking old man with a big gray beard.

  That old man was Mister Josper Beardy, and he would be one of Adler’s teachers for the foreseeable future.

  Once all the students had arrived, and seated themselves. Mister Beardy stood in front of the class with a whip in hand, and proceeded to lay down the law.

  “Talking out of turn. That’s a flogging. Disrupting the class. That’s a flogging. Not paying attention to important lectures. That’s a flogging. Harassing the other students during class. That’s a flogging. Flogging off when you’re supposed to be learning? Oh you better believe that’s a flogging.”

  Well this was going to suck. Especially considering school began at nine in the morning, and didn't end until five in the afternoon.

  For the next ten years Adler’s life at the Southern Cocidius Agoge Training Center consisted of a mixture of academic education, intensive military grade training, and a level of mental conditioning that would impress a doomsday cult.

  The academic part was fairly straightforward. He'd learn everything from mathematics, electrical theory, geometry, biology, chemistry, physics, military history, literature, and technical engineering. To more military leaning subjects such as vehicle maintenance, first aid, logistics, psychological warfare, and how to make a wide range of explosives, and chemical weapons from off the shelf materials.

  The intensive military training was exactly what it sounded like. He shown how to use various types of weapons. Drilled in infantry tactics, and educated on how to survive in the wild with only basic tools. Taught how to construct a downright excessive array of booby traps. He was also given some helpful pointers on how to form a resistance group, and wage an effective guerrilla war.

  But the worst part of the Agoge Training for Adler was the mental conditioning which involved being repeatedly flash-banged until he got used to it, constantly tasered until he built up a tolerance, and subjected to numerous torture techniques until he learned to resist them. He was also repeatedly pepper sprayed in the face so he’d build up an immunity, routinely shot with firearms while wearing body armor so he’d get acclimated to that as well, and then shot without body armor so he'd know what that felt like too.

  Adler was subjected to all this, along with other forms of simulated battlefield scenarios so he'd know how to respond instead of lying on the ground, and wailing like a bludgeoned fawn in the desperate hope someone would find him.

  Thankfully, the rest of Adler's childhood wouldn’t be all doom, and gloom. Because he made some new friends during that time as well.

  The first of these was Zac 'Badgerbane' Trotskey. Better known as Nugget. He was this strange, blond haired boy dressed in a plaid shirt who’d speak in third person, force the select few students did want to interact with him go on bizarre quests, and to top it all off his dark blue eyes never seemed to correctly line up with each other.

  So it wasn't hard to see why he was on his lonesome for the first few months.

  That was until one morning, before class began, Adler approached him, and caught his attention.

  "Greetings. Would this mysterious stranger be interested in befriending Nugget?" Zac asked.

  Adler nodded his head "Why yes, that is exactly why I'm here."

  Zac seemed to ponder something for a moment before asking "What is your offering?"

  A feeling of panic rose in Adler. Before he had a sudden epiphany, reached into his back pocket, and pulled out the flower Cindey had given him.

  "I have this flower." Adler said, and held it out.

  "This was given to you by Cindey yes?" Zac exclaimed while leaning in, and inspecting the flower "There is great love in this flower. She seems to really care for you more than the last twelve boyfriends she's had this month. Perhaps you do know love."

  Upon hearing this Adler twisted his head around, and scowled in the direction of the blonde haired girl in the bight pink dress "I thought I was special Cindey."

  "There are things Nugget has seen." Zac continued "Crazy wild things involving a lot of nudity. Nugget forgot love. I do not wish to forget it anymore."

  Zac reached into his pants over-sized pockets, and after a brief few seconds of fishing around, pulled out a fish stick nugget. Then he handed it over to Adler "Take this Nugget of Friendship."

  "Uh, why?" Adler asked warily, but still accepted the fish stick nugget.

  "Bring together the other Nuggets of Friendship by lunch recess." Zac then raised his hands upwards in a mystical manner, and Alder could easily imagine the scenery behind him being replaced by the infinite cosmos "And Nugget will reveal all!"

  Adler nodded his head in understanding "Very well. So how do I get them?"

  Zac pointed to a random pair of unoccupied desks in the far side of the classroom "Come speak to me during morning class, and Nugget will tell you how to get more."

  After the bell had rang, and Mister Beardy began giving a lecture on how to solve incomplete mathematical equations. Adler turned to face Zac who smiled.

  "Nuggets friend returns. Are you ready to continue the quest for the Nuggets of Friendship?" Zac asked.

  Adler nodded his head "Sure do nugget man."

  "Excellent. Nugget is pleased with your persistence." Zac then gestured to the rest of the classroom. "One of the nuggets is hidden in this room. Can you find it? It is tricky. Nugget holds the other one. But you must first find the hidden Nugget of Friendship before you can have it."

  "Any hints on where it is?" Adler inquired.

  "The classroom is not that big." Zac explained "You would do well to search everywhere, and especially with the shelves. But beware, the teacher does not like snoopers."

  At the mention of the teacher Adler turned his attention back to Mister Beardy. H was so engrossed in giving his lecture that he’d remained unaware of the conversation that had just happened.

  That would likely change once he got up from where he was seated, and started exploring the classroom.

  Mister Beardy may occasionally loose track of the world around him, most likely due to dementia. But he never failed to spot a student stepping out of line.

  Then the flogging would start soon thereafter.

  What he needed was a distraction.

  After a few moments of thought, an idea flashed into Adler’s mind. He reached down into his pants pocket, and produced a toy Space Trek Death Ray. It looked more like a cheap movie prop then an actual weapon. Which made sense given the retro space aesthetic style of the television show, and the simple fact it was a toy. But the lasers it fired were powerful enough to start fires, and kill small animals. Which was perfect for what he had planned.

  Switching on the laser dot sight, and taking careful aim from underneath his desk so no one could see. Alder angled the toy Death Ray so there was a red dot on Mister Beardy's beard, and pulled the trigger.

  The results were almost instantaneous.

  One moment Mister Beardy was completely detached from reality. Tthe next his entire beard was a blazing inferno. Which was more than enough to snap him back to reality.

  "Oh no!" Mister Beardy exclaimed "My beards on fire again!"

  Without another word or moment of hesitation. Mister Beardy bolted out of the classroom as fast as his old legs could take him.

  To do what? Who the hell knew.

  While the rest of the class was still processing what just happened. Adler was already moving, and searching the shelves in the back like Zac had hinted at. After looking through the first few he began to fear he’d been tricked. But thankfully found the next Nugget of Friendship in the back of the second last one.

  With his prize in hand Adler rushed back over to Zac, and proudly presented the nugget.

  "Wow." Zac gaped in mild awe "Nugget is impressed. The Trial of the Shelves is normally very difficult for Nuggets potential friends."

  Grinning widely, Adler crossed his arms gangster style "So what now Nugget Bro?"

  Instead of speaking right away, Zac pointed to a black haired girl with a flower in her hair seated further away "Do you see the Pretty Lilley? Nugget likes the Pretty Lilley. She smells super good, and he hair is delicious."

  Reaching into his pants back pocket, Zac extracted a letter in an envelope, and held it out to Adler "Nugget has written a poem for the Pretty Lilley. You are to deliver it to her for the next Nugget of Friendship."

  Adler saluted, grabbed the letter and walked over to where Lilley was seated.

  When Adler got close, Lilley turned to him, and he handed her the letter "I have a poem from Nugget. He seems to be really into you."

  Upon hearing this, Lilley blinked in confusion before smiling warmly "Oh wow. I didn't know he was capable of having complex emotions."

  Lilley accepted the letter, and opened it "This is really sweet of him, and I can't..." She began to say but trailed off as she read the letters contents "Uh, what the hell is this?"

  But Adler was already heading back to nugget to deliver the news "Mission accomplished."

  "Excellent." Zac pressed his fingers together like he was some sort of criminal mastermind "Come see me during lunch, and Nugget will tell you how to get the last Nugget of Friendship."

  Several minutes later, Miss Fredan Moffette, and her ridiculously huge melon sized tits was sent to fill in for Mister Beardy. It was a good thing Zac didn't have any more quests related to the classroom. Because Miss Crazy Tits was going to spot any suspicious behavior in an instant, and punishment would be swift.

  The rest of the morning passed without further incident, and it was now lunchtime. For a well balanced, and nutritious lunch Adler first got a himself a bowl of tasty looking rice along with a bigger bowl of vegetable salad. For his meat needs he had a mix of fried shrimp, cooked rabbit bits, and fish strips.

  Finally, to wash everything down, he went with a large carton of goats milk.

  He’d also gathered some extra supplies for something else while he was at it.

  After gathering everything Adler headed over to the less crowded section of the cafeteria where Zac was seated, and sat down next to him. The next few minutes consisted of them scarfing down their meals before either of them thought to speak.

  Once they were two thirds of the way though their respective meals, Zac finally spoke "Are you ready to continue your quest for the last remaining Nugget of Friendship?"

  Alder gave a thumbs up "Sure am."

  "Excellent." Zac muttered with a suspicious lack of enthusiasm "It should happen any minute now."

  Adler raised an eyebrow "What should happen?"

  Adler's question was answered when there was a sharp hiss of rapidly discharging pressurized air followed by something whistling though the air, and splattering red paint over Zacs face.

  Blinking in surprise. Adler looked over to the source of the projectile, and saw Biggs the bully seated at another table. He was holding up an air gun in triumph while widely grinning like he'd just downed some form of exotic game.

  Wow, what an asshole.

  "That." Zac said flatly "Every single day since Nugget came here."

  Adler had a feeling he wasn't going to like doing this but asked "What am I supposed to do about it?"

  Mercifully Zac didn't want him to do anything directly. Which he might have now preferred considering what happened next "All you have to do is not speak of this conversation to anyone, and you will have earned the last Nugget of Friendship."

  A chill went down Adler's back for reasons he now knew "Why? Whats going on."

  "Nugget knows Biggs is the one who keeps taking all the other students snacks when they aren't looking." Zac started rubbing his hands together in a matter not too different from a cartoon supervillain "So Nugget prepared a very special poisoned meal, and left it out where Biggs would no doubt find it."

  This revelation completely blindsided Adler, and he had to know "You're going to kill Biggs?"

  "Obviously." Zac scoffed in dismissal before raising his fists, and speaking in a surprisingly prophetic manner "Biggs is a bully, and must be taught a lesson through death! Only can deaths sweet embrace truly cleanse ones soul of all misdemeanors!"

  Alder stared at Zac in silence for a moment.

  Well that was fucking intense.

  Adler's attention was then drawn to the sound of someeone dry heaving. He looked over in time to see Biggs start vomiting everywhere before collapsing to the floor. He then began violently, and uncontrollably convulsing while making grotesque retching noises. The horrified expression on his face was one that could only come from a child suddenly, and abruptly experiancing his own mortality with no prior warning.

  "No one threatens Nuggets girl and lives."

  Without saying a word Adler slowly turned back at Zac, and stared at him in silence. In the span of a few seconds he'd gone from being a seemingly harmless, and goofy misfit to a stone cold murderer.

  That really had been a weird day.

  "I didn't hear nothing." Adler finally decided to say. In the background he could hear students start to freak out at Biggs's clearly dead, and now bloating body. He did this partly because he sympathized with Zac's plight. But mostly because he was terrified of what might happen if he snitched on Zac.

  "Excellent!" Zac jumped up up with joy "You have earned the final Nugget of Friendship, and in doing so your quest is now complete. Nugget welcomes his new friend Adler 'Wolfsbane' Murik into the fold with open arms."

  Adler looked around awkwardly for a few moments before asking "So what now?"

  After re-seating himself Zac rubbed his chin in thought "Nuggets new friend should get rid of that toy ray gun he has. The teachers will be investigating what caused that beard fire, and one of the other students is bound to snitch."

  "Already working on it." Adler smirked as he pulled out the toy ray gun, and started wrapping it in napkins. He placed the packaged gun into a disposable paper bag with a bunch of seasoning packets for extra weight. He then scrunched the bag up into a ball. Wound his arm back. Took careful aim, and tossed it into the empty trashcan on the other end of the room for a sick three pointer.

  "Beautiful shot."Zac said in genuine awe.

  The two of them quickly polished off the rest of their meals, and left the cafeteria while everyone was distracted by what happened to Biggs.

  Surprisingly enough, Biggs didn't die despite being fed several different types of home made poison. The emergency response teams soon arrived, and rushed his body to the hospital where the doctors were able to resuscitate him after a few failed attempts. But even after being brought back to life he would suffer serious long term medical conditions.

  The later criminal investigation into the poisoning turned up nothing. Zac had taken every precaution to make sure Biggs attempted murder didn't get traced back to him. Which only made the strange boy even more terrifying in Adler’s eyes.

  Not only was Zac willing to flat out murder his tormentors at the tender age of six. But he was also smart enough to throw off professional forensic investigators.

  Biggs must have thought similarly. Because he and every other bullies avoided Zac like the plague afterwords. He even got Lilley an apology card.

  It may have been out of fear but he still did it.

  Adler’s life went on comparatively normally after that. All his future acquaintances were thankfully far less mentally deranged than Zac. He would eventually reach the end of the Agoge Training Program, and graduate into society as a full fledged Clansman of the Blue Moon Clan.

  At the graduation ceremony there was a Deacon dressed in full armored passive exoskeleton armor with cerimonial runes, robes made from animal furs, and a custom helmet with antlers. The man proclaimed that Adler, and the others could now own private property, join the military, seek employment, and obtain a higher education if they so desired.

  The Deacon may have been trying to sound encouraging. But Adler knew full well that all menial, and unskilled jobs in Avvite society had long since been automated. This ultimately leaving only three viable paths he could take.

  The first career path was becoming an artisan. The average Avvite Clansman only had to work four to five months out of a year to live comfortably. That translated to them having a lot of free time on their hands, and one of the consequences of this was an enormous entertainment industry with everything from electronic games to movie productions being in high demand.

  Adler was competent in drawing pictures, and coming up with ideas for stories. But he didn't believe for a second that he could compete with the truly gifted students from his class, and the masterpieces they were able to produce. So that idea was out the window.

  The second career path for was getting a college or university degree, and becoming a doctor, scientist, technician, engineer. Or something along those lines.

  While Adler was perfectly capable of getting a degree, and had the very high grades to back his claim up. He’d already set his sights on enlisting in the Clan Military.

  Or more specifically the newly created Giath Colonization Initiative.

  The Clan Triarchies weren’t blowing smoke, and had gone through with their plans to colonize other worlds.

  Adler wasn’t surprised it had taken them decades to come up with a working system.

  While the Avvim were capable of conquering other planets. They couldn't do so without completely deavistating the biosphere or expending vast amounts of lives, and resources taking it intact.

  According to official reports. The Clan Triarchies decided to just colonize an uninhabited world, and sidestep this problem entirely. It took them a while to find one. But they managed to find a normal temperate planet at the very edges of the Morris Expanse.

  The planet was called Giath. Its most noteworthy features were the above average mineral resources, and Feral Ork population.

  Living in a barely explored wilderness, and shooting at Feral Orks all day long?

  That sounded like the ideal life to Adler.

  So once the graduation ceremony, and later partying were over. He headed over to the nearest enlistment office.

  “I’d like to enlist in the Giath Colonization Initiative.” Alder happily announced to the receptionist.

  The receptionist, a middle aged woman with hair that was starting to turn gray, looked up at Adler with a bored expression. She then proceeded to rock his world with just a single sentence.

  “The Gaiath Colonization Initiative has been postponed indefinably.”

  “What?” Adler blinked in genuine surprise “We aren’t going to colonize Giath? Did something happen?”

  The receptionist rocked his world even more with her next response “Someone else decided to colonize the planet.”

  “Who?” Adler was having a hard time believing what he was hearing “We had satellites in orbit broadcasting that this planet was Avvite property, and everyone in the Morris Expanse knows who we are.”

  The receptionist shrugged her shoulders “As far as we can tell, they aren’t from the Morris Expanse, and they’ve made their intentions clear by shooting the satellites.”

  Adler didn’t speak, and simply nodded in grim understanding.

  Only an outsider with no knowledge on how things worked in the Morris Expanse would be brazen enough to do something like this, and then show a complete nonchalance towards the extreme consequences now looming over their heads.

  “So what happens now?” Adler finally asked after processing everything.

  “They haven’t noticed our spy satellites further out. So we’re going to observe their activities for the time being, and gain as much intel on them as possible.” The receptionist explained “We’ll figure out what to do afterwards.”

  Adler’s shoulders slumped in disappointment. He wanted to call this cowardly, and demand that the Avvim should bring their full military might to bear on these suicidal retards. But there was also the logical part of his brain telling him that charging dick first into the unknown was a good way to get killed, and the Avvim didn't get this far by being stupid.

  So he choose to leave without causing a scene.

  “I heard you talking about the Giath Colonization Initiative in there.” A voice suddenly spoke from behind him.

  Adler nearly jumped from surprise, and whipped around to see a young girl around his age. She was leaning against the wall next to the doorway with her arms crossed. She was average built with long black hair done up in a high ponytail, high cheekbones worthy of a beauty pageant, and purple eyes. Her clothing consisted of a red sweater, a darker red skirt that went down to her knees, outdoor hiking shoes, and not even a visible pistol holstered at her side.

  She had the whole ‘daddy's perfect little princess’ look down to perfection.

  Despite the girls unassuming appearance, and casual pose Adler’s instincts were screaming at him that she was dangerous.

  “Who are you exactly?” Adler asked cautiously.

  “My name is Belinda Zeeh, and I have an offer to make.” The girl, Belinda, stopped leaning against the wall, and stood up straight “My father works for a very prominent government organization. He has tasked me with scoping out uniquely talented individuals to form an elite infiltration unit.

  Adler had the distinct feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer he got, but asked anyways “What is this organization called?”

  Belinda grinned, and not in a way that put Adler at ease “Office 39.”

  A chill went down Adlers spine when he heard the name “Oh… That branch of the government.”

  Belinda nodded as she dropped all pretenses of formality, and got straight to the point “Yeah, those guys. The Clan Triarchy has tasked Office 39 with infiltrating Giath, and gathering intel on our very unwelcome guests. Several other clans will be sending out their own teams as well.”

  “That I understand.” Adler said before asking “But why are you trying to recruit me instead of the usual assortment violent criminals?”

  Belinda rolled her eyes in mock annoyance “That may be our primary source of manpower. But we take in plenty of talented individuals from other walks of life too.”

  “Suppose I accept your offer.” Adler began as he carefully mulled over his next actions “What would be the benefits of joining Office 39 instead of the military?”

  “Besides getting to partake in all kinds of government sanctioned criminal activity?” Belinda rubbed her chin in mock thought “You’ll get unrestricted access to the black market, high tech equipment only elite special forces units usually have access to, and futuristic prototype vehicles that never went into mass production. Not to mention all the interesting people you’ll meet while working for us.”

  Adler wasn’t sure he wanted to meet these sorts of ‘interesting people’ Belinda was talking about. But there was one thing that would decided whether or not he'd walk away.

  “You mentioned prototype military vehicles. Will I get to operate them at some point?”

  “Oh yeah, absolutely!” Belinda beamed with unnerving enthusiasm “Once we finish with this recon mission. We’ll be whipping out all the best toys, and wiping these idiots off the map.”

  Adler thought what he’d heard over for a few moments before finally giving his answer “Alright I’m in.”

  Belinda loudly clapped her hands together “Excellent! Now let’s go meet the rest of the team, and I’ll brief you all on what exactly we’ll be doing.”

  Research Notes: Warp Portals

  As far as I can tell. This technology works the same way Warp Gates do by creating a tunnel through the Warpspace, and allowing instantaneous travel to that location without the usual dangers assiciated with Warp travel. Unfortunately, this means it has all the same downsides as Warp Gates as well. They are very complex in design. They have enormous power requirements, and whatever they are teleporting needs to be very sturdy to survive the trip. While meeting the technical, and structural demands weren’t much of a problem. The power demands were. The most advanced forms of power generation at my disposal are a bunch of thorium based microreactors. Even when daisy chained together they barely produce enough energy to get a few systems over.

  This isn’t going to work in the long run, and a higher density energy source needed. The technology is currently in development. But progress has been slow due to a lack of demand. The few advanced factions of the Morris Expanse don't seem particularly interested in sharing. Ork ‘teknologee ’ is scrap metal held together by sheer willpower. The black magi-tech used by the Chaos Worshipers… Well… The Avvim only had to make that mistake once to never do it again.

  If only there was some hyper expansionist, hilariously out of touch, and delusionally arrogant interstellar empire with a miles long history of ignoring ominous warnings from orbital beacons or much more well informed beings.

  Oh wait...