Chapter 12: The Ranker Tanker vs. The Madder Badger Part 1

  Thinking fast, I quickly put my hands in the air to seem non threatening and ask, “Before anyone does anything stupid, there wouldn’t happen to be some sort of system enforced oath we can take would there? Y’know, a dotted line I can sign with my blood to not lie, and that you can sign to not tell people my secrets? Cause that would make all of this a lot easier.”

  The woman who is clearly Genevieve has her eyes narrowed at me. She has planted herself between me and Lucy, and though she is clearly ready for a fight, her hand on her sword hilt is the only thing about her posture that isn’t utterly casual.

  “There are indeed system enforced oaths, you’re in luck. I am curious though. What would you do if I didn’t agree to make one? If I told you to spill your secrets and didn’t give you a shred of a guarantee I’d keep it to myself?”

  Now I narrow my eyes at her.

  “Is this a test? Are you trying to see if I’m going to threaten you? Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not going to do that. You refusing to be considerate is a bridge I’ll have to cross if it comes to that, but you haven’t said no yet, so what’s it gonna be?”

  She smirks.

  “You first. All you have to do is say ‘I swear by the system, on pain of’ and then whatever you want the cost to be, before making your oath. Whatever oath you make, I will reciprocate.”

  I pause, thinking of the exact wording I want to use. I am not a lawyer, but I am a nerd, and every nerd knows to be really fucking careful when making oaths.

  “I swear by the system, on pain of instant death and destruction of my soul, never to be reborn, that for the next ten minutes I will not purposefully or knowingly lie to either Genevieve or Lucy, provided they swear an oath with the same cost that they will not reveal the information I tell them to others without my express permission, in any way shape or form, including non verbal communication, the release of any recordings or documentation of this meeting, or any other method of divulsion that they believe I or another reasonable human being would view as a betrayal of my secrets.”

  As I finish speaking, I feel a hefty weight rest on my shoulders, and I gulp, suddenly extremely conscious of every word that comes out of my mouth. After that, I quickly replace my title with the [Bane of Stealth] title, and do a quick circuit of the room to scan for any hidden watchers. Finding none, I sit back down, and create a bubble of mana surrounding the immediate area, focusing on making it completely opaque and sound insulating. That done, I look back at a very bemused looking Genevieve and Lucy, who have been having a muttered conversation while I was walking around.

  “Have you always been this paranoid, or is this a new development? Lucy says she doesn’t remember you being this cautious.”

  “Yeah well I didn’t have secrets I cared enough about to be this ‘paranoid.’ With the secrets I currently hold, I feel entirely justified in my caution.”

  “Well I suppose there’s only one way to find out if I agree. I swear by the system, on pain of instant death and destruction of my soul, never to be reborn, that I will not reveal the information Calvin Xenos tells me to others without his express permission, in any way shape or form, including non verbal communication, the release of any recordings or documentation of this meeting, or any other method of divulsion that I believe he or another reasonable human being would view as a betrayal of his secrets.”

  After she finishes speaking, Lucy echoes her, and the weight on my shoulders tightens into a noose around my throat. I can still breath, but it feels like every breath is being forced out without room for error.

  “I… am impressed my your memory. That was almost word for word what I said.”

  “Applying the intelligence stat makes memorizing things extremely easy. My intelligence is more than high enough to remember something that short without error.”

  “That makes sense. Alright, let’s start with the important things. I am indeed the same Calvin Xenos that Lucy believes me to be, not some imposter, usurper, or otherwise false entity. I am of sound mind, relatively speaking, and I do not work for some higher entity, with malicious intent or otherwise. I have no intentions to hurt either of you, nor anyone who a reasonable person wouldn’t believe was justified. Anything else you want me to say before we get into Q and A?”

  The two of them look at each other and after a moment Lucy shrugs, and Genevieve nods, before turning back to me.

  “Nope, I think that covers it. So, my first question, how did you earn your Legendary class?”

  “As far as I know, I earned it by having extremely high basic stats while at level 0.”

  “Interesting. How high were your basic stats?”

  “...I would rather not say the exact number, but all of them were over a million.”

  Both of them gasp, and Genevieve visibly tightens her grip around her sword.

  “How did you get such stats?”

  “When I was selected by the system, I was in a coma. My understanding is that instead of waking me up, the system viewed my comatose state as me using the [Meditation] skill, and over time, once the [Meditation] eventually was maxed out, it evolved into a skill that increased my basic stats for every day I spent in a meditative state. By the time I woke up, my basic stats were… quite inflated.”

  “If that is the case, why did no monsters kill or attack you while you were meditating.”

  “I’m not entirely sure actually. I assume it has to do with the fact that I was in the Very Easy tutorial.”

  Genevieve looks confused at that and looks at Lucy, questioningly. Lucy shrugs.

  “It’s feasible. I do believe one of the possible modifiers for Very Easy makes the spawn zone safe. If that’s the reason… he got… very lucky.”

  Genevieve nods at that and turns back to me.

  “What is your Luck stat?”

  “Currently? Or when I woke up?”

  “You’ve gained Luck? How?”

  “I get Luck from every class level.”

  The two of them gape at me.

  “I… didn’t know that was weird.”

  Lucy shakes her head slowly.

  “There is only a single known class that gives advanced stats for leveling. And that class raises charm. Nobody knows how to raise luck. Nobody has even found an item that raises it.”

  “Oh. Huh. Well, my Luck when I woke up was 27.”

  The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  Again, the two of them gape at me. I look back at them, confused.

  “...is that high?”

  Lucy just nods. Genevieve looks utterly exasperated and says,

  “I’ve never heard of anyone that has above 5.”

  I shrug.

  “Ok so I got lucky due to being lucky, and ended up being powerful. Big whoop. Anything else?”

  “What is your class?”

  “It’s called [Arcane Innovator]. It is a spellcasting class. I’m not going to tell you anything else about it other than that.”

  Genevieve narrows her eyes at me.

  “I want to fight you. We have a sparring room downstairs.”

  I raise my eyebrow at her.

  “Do you… have the stats to beat me? No offense.”

  She smiles predatorially.

  “I beat hell mode, very easy boy, I think I’ll do fine. But the point isn’t that I think I can beat you. I want to know if a skill and level difference can bridge a stat difference.”

  “That is… an interesting question. Still, I’m really not in a fighting mood right now.”

  I pause, then a slow smile spreads across my face, and I speak again.

  “But I have the next best thing. Someone with plenty of stats for your little experiment and who is always down for a fight.”

  I reach up and poke Little Shit, who is still sitting on my head.

  “Hey LS, you want the smoke?”

  Genevieve looks at me, incredulous.

  “You want me to fight YOUR BADGER? Seriously?”

  I grin at her as LS hops off my head and onto a nearby counter, looking disdainfully at Genevieve.

  “I tell you what, if you beat LS, I’ll give you that fight you wanted. Think of her as the miniboss. She is certainly mini. And she is absolutely a boss. You want to fight the final boss, you got to go through her.”

  Genevieve looks at LS, then back at me, then back at LS. Finally, she shrugs, seemingly resigned.

  “Fine then, I guess I’ll fight your badger first.”

  I clap my hands together excitedly.

  “Hell yeah, this boutta be the match of the century. So, where is this sparring ring.”

  Lucy and Genevieve share a sly smile, before Lucy turns back to me.

  “It isn’t a ring. It’s much better than that.”

  With that mysterious sentiment, Lucy and Genevieve lead me and LS to the back of the house, where there is an elevator. Yeah. You heard that right. They have a fucking elevator in their house. Rich people are crazy. Anyway, we take the elevator several floors down, seemingly deep under ground, and finally the door opens to a small room with two raised daises and a large flat screen TV at the back of the room. I look around, trying to figure out the mechanism for revealing a hidden arena or something. Even with mana sight on, I can’t see anything standing out in the room.

  “Well label me confused and ship me to Cuba. Can somebody explain what I’m looking at here?”

  Lucy walks up to the front of the room and gestures to the two raised daises.

  “This is a state of the art dreamscape arena. Two combatants get on the platforms, and their souls get transported into a dreamscape, where they can fight to the death to their heart’s content. Once the battle ends, they come out of the dreamscape, none the worse for wear. There is only one guy in the world who can make them, and this is one of only seven that exist currently. It is Viv’s pride and joy.”

  Genevieve smiles and nods.

  “Yup, best purchase I ever made. There is a bigger one down at the academy for group fights, but there is something special about having a dueling arena in your own home, y’know?”

  “The academy?”

  Lucy nods.

  “Viv is the dean of an initiate academy. Basically, before a initiated person can go around entering dungeons, they need to be vetted, approved, trained in protocol, set up with delving parties, etc. All of that is wrapped up in a two year course at an initiate academy, along with research into the system and training centers for initiates to hone their craft. The degree you get from graduating an initiate academy essentially acts as a drivers license does, being not only necessary for entering dungeons, tournaments, raids, and system events, but also functioning as an ID for initiates. Going around without one or a student ID from an initiated academy is very illegal, so we will need to get you enrolled in the next couple days.”

  “Huh. Before the car crash I hoped I would one day get the chance to go to college. This isn’t exactly what I had in mind, but beggars can’t be choosers. Anyway, if this dreamscape thing is so magical and powerful, how come I don’t see any mana coming off of it?”

  Genevieve walks over to one of the daises and steps up onto it.

  “That’s cause it doesn’t run off mana. It runs off divine power. The guy who built it is a [Cleric of the Dreaming Giant].”

  I look closer at the dais, interested.

  “Nifty. Alright LS, you ready to smoke this bitch?” I say affectionately, giving her a scratch under the chin. In my head, I tell her to limit her speed to slow enough that she doesn’t nuke the dreamscape. I get the distinct image in my head of her rolling her beady black eyes, but she sends a feeling of understanding before clambering onto the other dais. Genevieve looks at me.

  “I’m going to enjoy seeing your face after I kick your badger’s ass.”

  Genevieve smirks and presses a button on the side wall of the room. The two daises light up with glowing golden light, and both Genevieve and LS begin floating in the air, about 4 feet off the ground, suspended as if asleep. The large TV flickers on, and a large green field of grass with sparse flowers appears. The sun shines brightly down on the two figures, standing about 200 ft apart, staring at each other. I glance at Lucy.

  “So… who do you think is gonna win?”

  “I think Little Shit has got it. Viv has a bad habit of underestimating her opponents. I have no doubt she will do so to your badger.”

  I look at her, surprised.

  “Damn. Betting against your own wife? That’s cold.”

  Lucy shrugs.

  “She actually prefers being the underdog, so I don’t think she’d mind. How about you. You got faith in your familiar?”

  “I mean I was going to die on the hill that LS would take this in a landslide, but we can’t both predict the same fighter, that would be so boring! I guess I will throw my hat in for Genevieve.”

  Lucy laughs, and we both turn back to the screen, where the two combatants are still eyeing each other, waiting for the other to make a move. Finally, LS bursts into movement, shockwaves blasting from behind her as she rockets across the grass. She is moving so fast that I have to engage my agility just to see her in motion. I have no idea what Lucy sees but I doubt she can make much sense of it. With my agility engaged however, I see it all. As LS shoots towards Genevieve, the ground beneath her alights with runes and sigils. Shields of blue mana rise around her in layer after layer. Yet even as each shield rises in her path, she blasts through it. Each shield is met with a claw or fang and like glass, it cracks, then shatters entirely. LS is barely slowed in her charge, but it is clear that though negligible in comparison to her health pool, LS is taking damage with every shield she breaks. The shards, I realize, these shields that Genevieve has put up are made to be brittle, made to shatter, and made to slice and serrate when reduced to thin and sharp shards that inevitably fill the air. Within moments, LS is covered in blood, from a thousand tiny lacerations, but she shows no sign of stopping. Clearly surprised by her small opponent’s perseverance, Genevieve quickly retreats, putting as much distance between her and the rapidly approaching badger as she can. She isn’t nearly fast enough. She barely manages two steps before Little Shit rockets straight through her body, claws first. For a second, I think that the fight is over, but then I notice that the hole in Genevieve isn’t full of red, it’s full of blue. The Genevieve that was just obliterated, clearly some form of clone created by mana, explodes, blasting blue flame in every direction. Appearing on the other side of the field is a grinning Genevieve, clearly confident that she has the better of LS. The field is silent for a moment, before the ground begins to shake. The dust and flame from the explosions fades, showing a crater noticeably devoid of dead badger. Genevieve’s smile fades, replaced by a scowl of confusion, as if the very notion of not knowing what is happening is an affront to her person. Then, her eyes grow wide, and she launches into a leap, jumping high into the sky. She isn’t fast enough. Bursting from the ground, a very angry badger rockets after her, a 20ft wide claw of green mana extending from her outstretched paw. The claw collides with Genevieve in the air. Her armor alights with runes. Over the top third of her armor, the runes go from white to blue to red, before shattering completely and going dark, fading back into the black armor. Genevieve herself goes flying, colliding with the ground and skipping like a stone, before eventually coming to rest at the end of a long furrow her body has ripped into the soil. Shakily, she gets to her feet. Across a now ruined field, woman and badger stare each other down once more, both still reeling from the wounds they sustained in their opening clash. Any semblance of arrogance has left the battlefield, and as black beady eyes stare into piercing blue, it is achingly clear that this fight has only just begun, and both sides will be going straight for the kill.

  “…hey Lucy, you wouldn’t happen to have popcorn, would you?”