It feels like we have been rowing down this river forever. Sonya informs me that we are about half way there… but how can we only be half way there? I hate this… when we left the dock everything had such a sense of urgency. That sense is still present… I feel like we should be getting there as soon as possible… but this boat just doesn’t move fast enough… it feels painfully slow.

  Should we have just taken some horses down to the cliffs and tried to make our way down that way? No, that would be stupid… who knows how long it would take to find a way down that cliffside. We could always jump like Alexander did… but I can’t swim so that would just lead to my death. Fuck… I didn’t think this thing through at all. I was in such a hurry to get to Tadwick that I didn’t think about what the fuck I’m going to do when I actually get to this little island.

  Seriously, I definitely should have waited for the others… what on earth can I do? I doubt that they are just going to be lying on the island waiting to be rescued. And even if they were, I’m no healer. I have a couple of potions, but they aren’t going to do much if they are seriously injured. What am I going to tell the others? What am I going to tell Alexi? He specifically asked me to find Tadwick and I’m not even going to be able to do that… hang on.

  He… asked… he actually asked for something… he wasn’t pressured to make a choice… he wasn’t asked if he wanted something… he made… a request. He doesn’t do that… he never does that. Fuck… how did I not notice that until now? I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to find Tadwick that it didn’t even register.

  He cares for Tadwick… he must really care for Tadwick to make a request like that. He actually connected to his emotions about something… for long enough for it to affect him to the point of expressing his desires. Oh gods… I’m starting to cry… gods… shit… this is not the time to get emotional… I need to focus on finding Tadwick. Don’t let Sonya see… she’ll ask questions… that’ll make me worse… fuck… look into the distance.

  I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s been four years… he’s never requested anything… nothing… not even once. He’s never expressed his emotions in any way… ever. I was beginning to think he was completely disconnected from them. At times, I thought he didn’t even have any. Oh gods… I really thought that… I’m a terrible person… fuck. I feel like shit… but I’m oddly happy… this is progress… this is a massive step forward for him… he’s heading in the right direction.

  Oh no… shit… shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. What if I can’t save Tadwick… what if he’s already gone? That’ll destroy Alexi… the one thing that he has actually connected to his emotions about… he’ll close himself off forever.

  Never mind that… if Tadwick’s gone… that’s it… I’ll be done… I can’t lose him. He’s my kid… damn it… I… I can’t handle this… I’m starting to hyperventilate… I’m crying and I’m hyperventilating… fuck… I’m having a panic attack… fuck… no… I don’t have time for this… I need to focus… I need to… I need to… fuck… I can’t… everything is going wrong… I can’t fix it… I can’t fix it… I’m fucking useless… I can’t do this… I can’t do this…

  Sonya: “Dwynfel… Dwynfel… Dwynfel!”

  Sonya stopped rowing and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Fuck… it’s not helping… it’s not helping… I’m not calming down… it’s getting worse… it’s getting worse.

  Sonya: “Dwynfel. Focus on my voice… nothing else… just focus on what I’m saying… can you do that?”

  Of course, I can’t… my son is probably dead… how the fuck do you expect me to concentrate on your voice… I can’t even fucking breathe… fuck… I can’t even speak… my mind is reeling… fuck… he’s dead… he’ll have died… all alone… in pain… and alone… fuck… oh gods… fuck…

  Sonya: “It’s just a panic attack. It will pass. You just need to steady your breathing… breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out.”

  I’m trying… for fuck’s sake, I’m trying… I can’t… the breaths aren’t slowing… they aren’t slowing… I can’t control it…

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  Sonya: “Focus on something positive… something calming…”

  Are you insane… my kid could be dead… how the fuck can I focus on something positive right now!?

  Sonya: “I know this is stressful… but we don’t know what happened to them. They may be alright… you need to focus on that… think about that… think about how happy he will be to see you when you find him… think about returning home with him… think about all the stressful things he’s going to put you through as he grows up… think about that… think about that and try to steady your breathing.”

  I have absolutely no idea how long it took for me to recover… but it felt like an eternity. Thank fuck for Sonya being there to talk me round from that… I was spiralling out of my mind. I thanked her before we resumed rowing. Fortunately, since we were heading down river during the whole panic attack situation, the boat had continued to float down the river, so we were almost there by the time we started rowing again. We reached the island pretty soon after.

  We moored the boat and started to investigate the little island. Alexi was right… the island itself was pretty tiny. You could walk from one side to the other in a few minutes. But it was pretty and had a tiny little forest in the middle of it. It didn’t take us long to find all of the boys’ clothes. They were all neatly folded and placed in little piles at the foot of one of the larger trees. Each with a little pair of shoes placed squarely to the right of the pile.

  Dwynfel: “Well, this matches up with what Alexi said.”

  Sonya: “So, while all the other boys were playing in the water, he stayed here and neatly folded and arranged all of their clothes? He didn’t want to go and play?”

  Dwynfel: “Yeah… he’s not very… long story… he’s a bit… emotionally detached.”

  Sonya: “What’s that over there?”

  She pointed over to a bush a bit further into the trees to an area that seemed very damaged. Whatever she was pointing at was flesh coloured. We walked over towards it. Oh fuck… it’s a foot… a child’s foot… where’s the rest of him… oh gods… please… no.

  Sonya: “Dwynfel… focus… you’re the tracker… where did it go?”

  Dwynfel: “Hard to tell… all the bushes and trees round here have been smashed and damaged. There is no clear direction.”

  I took a deep breath and could smell flesh.

  Dwynfel: “I smell flesh beyond the trees to the west.”

  We headed off in the direction of the smell. Then we saw it… a pair of legs poking out of a bush at the water’s edge. The right leg was missing a foot. The body must have got stuck in the bushes. I became paralysed… what if it’s Tadwick… I can’t deal with this… I can’t.

  Sonya waded into the water and pulled the legs out of the bush… I almost threw up… I can’t even tell who that is… everything from the stomach up is gone… the insides are floating out into the water. Never mind almost… I am throwing up… oh gods… please… please don’t be him.

  I wiped the vomit off my lips and waded out into the water.

  Dwynfel: “Help me flip the body.”

  Sonya: “What? Why?”

  Dwynfel: “Just do it!”

  Sonya: “Okay, okay.”

  We flipped the body over and…

  Dwynfel: “Thank fuck… it’s not him… it’s not Tadwick. Thank the gods.”

  Sonya: “It’s just the lower half… how can you tell?”

  Dwynfel: “Wrong size. Oh gods… that means this is Charlie… or Isaac.”

  It's not him… it’s not him… Tadwick might still be okay… he might still be okay. But fuck… one if his friends is dead… at least one of them is dead… of gods…

  Sonya: “So, what now?”

  Suddenly something smacked me across my side… I was catapulted far out into the water… fuck… it’s too deep… I can’t put my feet down… I can’t put my feet down… shit… how did Kiyui show me how to do it… fucking wave my arms and legs… fuck… it’s not working… it’s not working… I’m going to drown… I’m going to drown… shit… shit…

  Dwynfel: “Sonya! Help! Help me! I can’t swim! I’m drowning! Sonya! Sonya! Help!”

  Oh, thank fuck… thank fuck… she’s got my hand… I’m gonna be okay… she has my hand… everything’s gonna be okay. Then I felt it… huge jaws clamping down on my waist and legs… pulling me under… gods no… the pain is unbearable… don’t breathe in… don’t fucking breathe in… I want to scream in agony… but I can’t… I’m under water… I’m going to die… this is it… this is how I die… fuck… I can’t reach my daggers… I can’t reach anything… don’t breathe in… don’t breathe in… fuck, it hurts… it hurts so much. There’s a second one… I’m so fucking stupid… there’s a second one.

  I emerged from the water and took a deep breath in, before screaming louder than I have ever screamed before… all of the pain that I had been holding in was finally being let out. I must have annoyed whatever had me, because it flung me down on the ground. I felt my head smash off the rock hard floor… then nothing.

  Obviously, there are multiple issues with this picture, but it is the best that I could get the AI to do.

  It could not cope with there being two hammers. Phoenix should be casting the spell through her hammer.

  Phoenix should also have a glove on her left hand.

  Farrow's hammer should have an ominous green glow all around it, not just at the tip.

  Phoenix's lightning spell should not be connecting to Farrow's hammer in any way. I have no idea why the AI was so determined for the green glow and the lightning to be connected, but it point blank refused to keep them separate.