In her magnificent Videotape Palace in the center of Schmegma City, Titiana- the tremorroid of all of the country of Bonertania- sat on an overstuffed couch in her apartment’s home theater beside her super best friend, the vice-tremorroid Montana “Mono" Shingles. There was a Quirkian heavy metal farce playing on the T.V. set and Titiana was studying a rolls of manuscripts which she had taken from the Schmegma Central Library, while Mono scratched the back of the little antennaed brown-and-white puppy-dog-shaped yokai that lay next to her. The dozing creature’s name was Elvira Daisy Shingles, and although she couldn’t talk like other puppy-dog-shaped yokai- only yip, bawk, ruff and such- she was Titi and Mono's faithful- and adorable- companion.

  During a particularly long musical number in the movie Montana glanced over at Titiana’s enchanted PC. There was an update, with picture, about their friend, Emperor Cydroidobot. He was then just leaving his log chateau in the company of Soda Olheiser, Chunks the Chunks Golem, and Dr. Lubricious Slugg. Mono was curious to know where the four were going. She asked Titiana about it, but Titiana did not know and the PC offered no more details.

  That afternoon Mono again saw an update about the travelers on the computer, but in the attached picture they were merely tramping through some fleshwoods and Mono was not much interested. A couple of days later, however, the lady wished to read about her friends, and on this occasion found Soda, Chunks, and Cy in the pudgy clutches of Mrs. Mallory Minj, the shrunken chestikull, who was at the time about to transmogrify them. Unfortunately neither Montana and Titiana knew where the chateau was. They read the update about the transmogrifications with indignation and horror.

  "What a nefarious dork-butt!" exclaimed Titi.

  “And she got Edwige too!” said Mono.

  "Mrs. Minj must be punished for this cruelty to our friends."

  After this they followed the updates about the little belchkins with breathless interest, and were delighted when they escaped from Minj Chateau.

  When, finally, the day came when the adventurers headed south into Schlingquad, Mono asked anxiously:

  "Can't we do something to help them? They've suffered enough from these dreadful transmogrifications."

  "Zanghi and I have been studying ways to help them ever since they were transmogrified," replied Titiana. "I am determined to break these enchantments. From the directions our friends appear to be taking, I believe they are going to pass by Rebekkah Earwax's farm, so if we start now we may meet them there.”

  "Lets go get Gash," said Mono, "and we will start at once."

  In half an Earth-hour the sentient raccoon-shaped chainsaw-sculpture bench Gashmouth the Chainsaw Raccoon stood in front of Videotape Palace. This raccoon, while made of dead fleshwood, was very much alive and could travel swiftly and without tiring. In fact, they were the fastest means of transportation available on Pus Continent.

  When the tremorroid and vice-tremorroid came from the palace they both climbed onto Gash’s flat back and then the little puppy dog-shaped yokai, Vira, ran up, stood up on her hind legs like a circus dog, and shrilly went:

  "BAWK! BAWK!"

  Montana looked at Titiana, who smiled in return and said:

  "Vira may go with us, if you wish her to."

  So Vira jumped up and Montana caught her and placed the little dog into her lap, for, while Vira could run fast, she could not keep up with the speed of a Gash dash.

  Away they went, over hairy gammon-colored hills and through fields of sticky willies and humped bladderworts, covering the ground with astonishing speed and were soon pulling up in front of the farm chalet.

  The belchkins expelled belches of delight when they saw Gash trot up to the door. Mono and Titi dismounted and the little creatures ran up and hugged them. Mono and Titi tried not to show how grossed out they were to be hugged by greasy belchkins. Vira barked wildly until Mono could calm her down and convince the little puppy-dog-shaped yokai not to attack the little gremlin-class yokai.

  "Thank goodness you have come to our rescue!" belched one green belchkins, whose four arms and mandible mouth revealed her to be Edwige Kenchington.

  "Ugga magugga!" cried Mono, knowing how proud Edwige was of her beauty. "How dreadful!"

  "Well, I make a rather pretty belchkin, I think," returned Edwige, "but of course I'm anxious to resume my own shape and get back to my viper."

  "Titi will help you, I'm sure," said Mono. "How does it feel, Chunks, to be an belchkin?" she asked.

  "Frankly, I don't like it," declared the stiched-and-stapled belchkin.

  "You have all been forced to endure a sad experience," said Titiana, "and so I am anxious to do all in my power to break Minj’s enchantments. But first tell me how you happened to be captured by that gross chestikull."

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  Between them they related the object of their journey, Cydroidobot sheepishly telling of his decision to find Big Fat Fanny and marry her. Soda told of their adventures with the Balz of Balzville, and Chunks described the manner in which they had been captured and transmogrified by the nefarious Mrs. Minj. Then Edwige related her story, and when all had been told, and Montana had several times reproved Vira for growling at the belchkins, Titiana remained thoughtful for a while, pondering upon what she had heard. Finally she looked up, and with one of her delightful smiles, farted then said to the anxious group:

  "I am not sure my flatulenz fairy thaumaturgy will be able to restore every one of you, because your transmogrifications are of such a strange and unusual character. I will try with my jock-strap and wand." She drew from her backpack the thaumaturgic jock-strap she had taken from the Fartmeister and slipped it on over her jumpsuit. Then Titiana drew out a small silvery-grey Y-shaped wand and, farting while making passes with the wand over the head of the chunks belchkin, but nothing happened.

  “Try it while wearing Minj’s enchanted brassier!” belched the Soda belchkin. The cyanotic belchkin handed the bra to the flatulenz fairy. Titi strapped it on over her jumpsuit and it instantly adjusted to fit her.

  After a few more farts and passes Titi succeeded in breaking Chunks enchantment. With one final massive belch the stiched-and-stapled belchkin grew back into a stiched-and-stapled humanoid-shaped golem.

  Chunks was greatly delighted, as you may suppose, and she danced joyously around while the powerful flatulenz fairy broke the enchantment that had transformed Cydroidobot and made the molybdenum belchkin into a molybdenum man again. Cy was relieved, although to be honest he would miss belching and farting.

  "Now, then," chirped the four-armed belchkin, eagerly; "I'm next, Titi!" But no matter how many passes with the wand she made, or how many mystic fart combinations she expelled, Edwige would not transform back.

  "Your case is different for some reason," replied Titiana, no longer smiling but wearing a grave expression on her sweet face. "I shall have to experiment on you, Edwige."

  Edwige gulped.

  Titi then tried two or three different methods of thaumaturgy, hoping one of them would succeed in breaking Edwige's enchantment, but she still remained a tiny green belchkin. Titi experimented in another way: She transmogrified the four-armed belchkin into a rancid blue incontinent cacaroach, and then transformed the cacaroach into an old crusty yellow sock, and then changed the sock into a bucket of scabs, and then the bucket into a pulsating gammon-colored goiter, about a foot wide. And at the last, after mixing several powders and sprinkling them upon the goiter, Mrs. Minj’s enchantment was suddenly broken and before them, clad in a rainbow-striped frock, stood one of the daintiest and loveliest creatures on all of planet Sifillis. Edwige the Chic Chigger was as sweet and merry in disposition as she was beautiful, and the sprightly arachnid-class yokai pranced and cartwheeled in joy at her transmogrification.

  Soda was so entranced by the sight of this exquisite parasite that she quite forgot her own sad plight until she noticed Titiana gazing upon her with an intent expression. Titiana then tried all the thaumaturgy she had tried on Chunks and Cydroidobot and Edwige but absolutely nothing worked.

  "I thought this might happen. Cyanotic forms are the hardest to transmogrify. Bek, I need to borrow your fireplace." They now- except for Gashmouth, who couldn’t fit through the door- entered the farmhouse, and as an interested group, watched as Titi built a fire and put a kettle of yellow liquid over to boil. The ruler of Bonertania stood before the fire silent and grave, while the others, realizing that an important ceremony of thaumaturgy was about to be performed, stood quietly in the background so as not to interrupt Titiana's proceedings. Only Chunks kept going in and coming out, humming softly to herself as she danced, for could not keep still for long.

  When the yellow liquid in the kettle bubbled, Titiana drew from her backpack two tiny packets containing dandruff- one was dragon dandruff, the other salamander dandruff. These powders she threw into the kettle and after briskly stirring the contents with a branch from a gonadberry bush, Titiana poured the mystic broth upon a broad gold platter. As the broth cooled it became as mercury, reflecting all objects from its smooth surface like a mirror. Titiana put it on the ground, squatted, and juicily farted upon it three times, then put it on Rebekkah’s kitchen table. Rebekkah wrinkled up her nose.

  While her companions gathered around the table, eagerly attentive- and Mono even held little Vira in her arms that she might see- Titiana waved her wand over the mirror-like surface. At once it reflected the interior of Minj chateau, and in the big hall sat Mallory Minj in her ratty bathrobe.

  Soda saw that she had escaped from her room by some of the thaumaturgical means at her disposal, after her prisoners had escaped her. Also Soda thought, from the cruel expression on the face of the chestikull, that she was planning revenge on them, as soon as she got a new enchanted brassiere.

  But Titiana was now making passes over the platter with her silvery grey wand and presently the form of the chestikull began to shrink in size and to change its shape. And now, in her place sat the form of the humanoid Soda Olheiser, and as if suddenly realizing her transmogrification Mallory rushed to a looking-glass that stood against the wall of the room. When she stood on her tip-toes and saw the girl’s form reflected as her own, she grew violently angry and dashed her head against the mirror, smashing it to atoms.

  Just then Titiana was busy with her thaumaturgic wand, making strange figures, and she had also placed her left hand firmly upon the shoulder of Soda the Cyanotic Belchkin. So now, as all eyes were turned upon the platter, the form of Mallory Minj gradually changed again. She was slowly transmogrified into a little chubby pink belchkin, and at the same time Soda slowly regained her natural form.

  It was quite a surprise to them all when they raised their eyes from the platter and saw standard Soda standing beside Titiana. Soda looked dizzy and presently vomited into one of Rebekkah’s scactus pots.

  When they glanced at the platter again, it reflected nothing more than the walls of the room in Rebekkah Earwax's chalet in which they stood.

  "What will become of Mrs. Minj, I wonder?" said Titiana’s super best friend Montana, as she drew a long breath.

  "She will always remain a belchkin," replied Titiana, "She need not be unhappy, however, and as she lives all alone in her chateau she probably won't mind the transmogrification very much after she gets used to it."

  "Piddily-cum-a-zelchkins, She did say she loved belchkins," said Chunks.

  "Anyhow, it serves her right," declared Edwige, and all agreed with her. Soda belched loudly then covered her mouth quickly with a bug-eyed expression on her face.