Chapter 22. A Sleepless Night

  Later that night.

  Visha was sitting up in bed reviewing some verb conjugations she was trying to memorize. She found it laughable that even with all her language skills she was still having such a hard time wrapping her head around this strange language. Her mouth just didn’t want to make the shapes and sounds necessary for her to sound natural.

  The irony in all of this was that her English skills were getting better by the day, since apparently almost everyone here took English classes from a young age, it ended up being her primary way to communicate with the others. Unfortunately, this didn’t guarantee that their skills with the language were any good.

  More often than not she was the one having to correct Momo’s English rather than the other way around.

  Sighing, she dropped her study materials to the side and threw an arm over her eyes as she leaned back into her pillow. Why was this so hard for her? Visha exhaled in pent up frustration, she hated that she had to struggle so much just to talk with anyone other than Tanya.

  She wanted to be able to laugh and joke and tell stories freely with the others, she wanted to be able to ask for what she wanted without having to spend ten minutes waving her hands around like an idiot. She wanted to understand what Tanya was saying when she spoke about her plans and feelings with her family.

  Her pity session had lasted longer than she thought and the next thing she knew it was already well past lights out, and the rest of the room had gone nearly silent save for the quiet rasps coming from Momo’s bed. The girl had refused to switch to the bottom bunk when Reimu had gone, claiming that she preferred the top bed, but Visha knew the real reason. Momo still hoped that somehow Reimu would come back.

  Visha heard her bed creak as Tanya shifted in the bottom bunk. Holding absolutely still and wondering if she had made any movements or noise that would have woken the commander, Visha listened for more movement.

  She was surprised when the creaking got louder and she heard the soft pat, pat of bare feet on the floor move over to the beds ladder. Confused, Visha waited as she felt the bed shift and creak as Tanya made her way up to the top bunk and into Visha’s bed.

  Without saying a word, her best friend in two worlds slipped under the covers and scooted up beside her leaving only a small gap between the two of them.

  “Visha?”

  Tanya whispered to her, her breath flowing across Visha’s face. In the light coming through the window curtains she could just make out Tanya’s face, along with the stress and worry painted all over it.

  Reaching over Visha felt for Tanya’s hand and clasp it in hers before answering.

  “I’m here, what do you need, what’s wrong?”

  Visha heard Tanya sigh in frustration or maybe embarrassment before she answered.

  “Nothing is wrong per se, it’s just, a lot happened today, and I feel guilty among other things. I just felt like I needed to get some stuff off my chest.”

  Visha remained silent but was surprised that Tanya was now actively squeezing her hand back. She had expected her reticent friend to have pulled away from the contact by now.

  “I lied to my grandparents tonight, well more like misled them, but there was plenty of lying as well, so the statement stands. I don’t know why I feel so bad about it though, it was necessary to do so and if anything, it is better for them this way if I give them something nice to believe. So why do I keep getting these feelings of guilt?”

  Visha felt Tanya had more to say and that it would be better if she just listened for now, but she did give Tanya’s hand a return squeeze to let her know she was there for her.

  “I said goodbye to my mom tonight, not as Tanya but as Soto. All throughout my life in the Empire I avoided thinking about them, I reasoned that I had so much to worry about for myself that I didn’t have time to spare them a thought. My parents lost their son, and I’m not him. I’m back but he is not.

  “Do, do you think if I told them, do you think they’d be mad? Ashamed? I don’t get it, they act so differently than they used to, I expected them to barely acknowledge my birthright and maybe toss a stipend my way before closing the door on me forever. After all who am I to them? But Grandma hugged me. Grandfather acknowledged me, he called me by name, he said I was clever.”

  “They love you Tanya, it doesn’t matter that they haven’t met you before now, you are their grandchild. They most certainly loved their son and wanted to tell him all those things left unsaid, how proud they were of him and how much they cared for him, how much they loved him. But he’s gone now, and all that is left of him is you. Grandparents have a way of making up for their regrets by treating their grandchildren extra special. My own grandparents spoiled us rotten whenever they could.”

  “Yeah, but did she really have to feed me by hand?”

  Tanya whined her tone sounding much lighter. Visha was glad her friend felt well enough to laugh, but she knew deep down that Tanya was just deflecting the conversation out of miss placed embarrassment. Deciding to allow it for now, happy with her friend’s progress as Dr. Okido would say, Visha joked back with her friend.

  “Well, I didn’t see you complaining too much with your eyes all rolled up in bliss as you chewed away at the bite she gave you.”

  Visha accused.

  “I didn’t see you send any my way either, even when you got plenty more, humph! Some friend you are.”

  “Now Lieutenant, those prawns were a gift specifically given to me from my grandparents, it would have been downright disrespectful to share such a gift in that situation. Not to mention I’m a growing girl and per my doctor’s orders I need to increase my food intake, and shrimp is high in iron content, something particularly important for developing young girls.”

  Tanya stated very matter-of-factly going so far as to sniff disdainfully in a self-important manner.

  “That’s it, come here you kleiner frechdachs I’m getting my bites worth out of you right now.”

  Visha began pinching and tickling Tanya in mock anger as her friend tried to quietly wiggle out of her attack range before giving up and launching a counterattack of her own. The two had to give up moments later when the noise from their struggle caused Momo stir in her sleep.

  Out of breath, yet smiling from her exertions, Visha rolled over onto her back and gazed up at the ceiling. Thinking of Tanya’s worries, Visha felt the smile slowly fall from her face, her own sorrows and concerns seeming to work their way forward from the deep pit she had been shoving them down into.

  “Tanya, everyone back home thinks we are dead, don’t they? You overloaded the Type 95, that would have caused a blast big enough to take out half a city. Grantz, Wiess, Koenig and the others must all think we are dead. Hell, they might be dead for all we know.

  “Watching you tonight with your family, made me think of my own, and I’m happy for you, I really am, but I’m also jealous. I don’t regret my decision to come with you, remember that no matter what, I chose to follow you, and I stand by that choice. However, I do miss my family and a part of me feels guilty for putting them through what your parents must have gone through. But I guess for me it’s a bit different, the last time I visited my parents they seemed more surprised that I was still alive than the fact that I had popped in unannounced to visit them.”

  Visha felt pathetic as her voice cracked and tears leaked from her eyes, but she couldn’t stop the deluge of words and feelings that kept pouring out of her.

  “I miss them so much and I know I’ll never see them again, they don’t even have a body to mourn over and burry. All they’ll get is that damn letter and maybe a few of those meaningless medals I was awarded.”

  Visha tried to keep talking but she was unable to get the words out any longer between her sobs and heaves.

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  ~

  Tanya watched as her friend broke down in front of her, after a slurry of words, worries and complaints, her friend was now reduced to a blubbering mess gasping and heaving for breath between her body wracking sobs.

  In hindsight Tanya should have seen this coming, she had neglected her friend’s mental and emotional needs and was now reaping the consequences. Thinking of consequences reminded her of a half-remembered conversation with that… other Being she had interacted with. Though strangely enough much of those memories felt foggy and distant now. Even when she wracked her brain to remember details, they seemed to slip from her mind.

  Putting those thoughts aside and focusing on the here and now, Tanya made a decision and despite the bitter taste it left in her mouth, decided to use what she did remember from that experience.

  “Visha, take a deep breath, breathe Visha. Listen to me I’m glad you came with me, and I am sorry for all that you have lost. I too worry about what became of the battalion and the kampfgruppe. But remember what happened when we died, we met Him. Despite my own feelings on the matter, we met God or something like God. Reincarnation exists, our friends and families will eventually die and move on, and we will too. Who’s to say we won’t meet all our friends and family again someday.

  “Look what I saying is I think everything is, well what I mean to say is things will get better and…”

  “Tanya. Can you shut up and just, give me a hug.”

  “Y-, yes Visha.”

  Tanya scooted closer to her still trembling friend and wrapped her arms around her, somehow managing to rest her chin on the taller girl’s head as she continued to sob into her chest, wet tears seeped through Tanya’s pajamas making her chest feel sticky. Tanya found herself very much preferred this time over the last experience she had holding Visha close to her chest.

  ~

  Sonoko hummed happily to herself as she stood in front of her bathroom mirror applying skincare products to her face. The tune was of the very same lullaby she had gently sung to her precious little granddaughter earlier in the cab. She had felt her heart nearly seize up and had to fight back the tears in her eyes as the fragile little girl had laid down across her lap and snuggled her.

  Sonoko could feel on an instinctual level that the little girl was hurting. Call it womanly intuition or a mother’s instincts but she knew that little Tanya was feeling anxious and looking for comfort. Her actions were reminiscent of Soto when he was just a toddler, and having done something wrong, would guiltily come find her to lay on her lap and apologize for making a mess or some other trouble.

  She felt a spike of guilt as she remembered the last time he had ever done that when he was seven. In what she had thought was measured severity she had thrown him off, commanding him to kneel before her like a man when admitting wrongdoing. He did so and continued to do so, never returning to her lap again. Not until she had held his ashes there as she hunched over his urn and wailed.

  Her hands stilled their motion across her face, as the familiar pain gripped her heart. Then the voice of her husband broke her out of her dark mood.

  “That’s the first time I have ever seen you use that cream since I bought it for you years ago. Why use it now?”

  “Grandpa, this is an anti-ageing cream, do you have any idea what it suggests that you bought this for me as a birthday gift?”

  “I just figured it was expensive and that you’d want something like it, I didn’t mean anything by it. Though it’s not like you couldn’t use a bit of it, might be a bit late now though.”

  He said the last part very quietly, but Sonoko still managed to hear it. It was times like this when she really wished she still carried around a bokuto, but those days were long behind her. She settled for shooting him a fierce glare instead.

  “If you really must know, I am using it now because that Serebrnov, Serbrakalf, Visha girl, invited me to go shopping with them and I don’t want to embarrass them. By the way, what do you think of that girl?

  Finishing her new skincare routine, she moved over to the futon arranged next to her husbands and slipped in beside him as he pondered her question. She was still getting used to their new arrangement, years of sleeping in separate rooms had ended six months ago as if by some silent agreement between them, her husband had moved his futon into her room. She never brought it up and neither did he. And now with Tanya and likely her friend moving home with them they would need the extra room anyways.

  Having collected his thoughts her husband finally began to answer her idle question in his usual overly analytical manner.

  “It seems what that officer told us was true, the two really are quite attached to each other. I’m glad we didn’t push too hard when we asked Tanya to come home with us without her. I spoke with her a bit as we were walking this evening, before the incident. She’s a bright young woman, though she often acts young and immature, when engaging her in conversation she showed a maturity beyond her years. Her English skills aren’t too bad either, and apparently, she speaks French as well.

  “I did find it strange when talking about her relationship with our Tanya, she would often say things or use phrases that made it seem like the two have known each other for years and not mere months, it could have just been her unfamiliarity with the language though.

  “I found her to be very polite as well and despite their circumstances she seemed to be a very formal, and modest young woman. When I asked what she wanted to do for a career, do you know what she said?”

  “Oh, what did she say, accounting maybe? I know Tanya said she was great with math and numbers.”

  “No, she just looked at me confused, and said she was going to be a mother. I had to repeat the question just to make sure she understood me, she did. She really must have grown up in a rural village as she said, if that is all she ever expected she would be.”

  “Well really dear, it’s not like there is anything wrong with raising kids and making a home, after all that’s mostly what I did when Soto was young. I didn’t start working until after he went to middle school remember?”

  “It’s a different world these days Grandma, the cost of living and education has skyrocketed in recent years. Buying a home and raising a family in this economy almost always requires a dual income now.”

  “That shouldn’t be a problem for Tanya though, right Grandpa? With the money her father received from his retirement, plus his investments, she should be quite comfortable even if she decides to stay home and raise her family. By the way how are we going to go about giving her that money?”

  “Let’s wait a while longer before we put too much in her name dear. She is still young yet and as much as I want to trust her, I still worry that without the need for monetary support she might just disappear on us one day. And another thing, don’t put too much hope in her starting a family anytime soon, if ever.”

  “What do you mean Grandpa?”

  “I was reading up on cases like theirs earlier, checking for what to look out for and if there any land mines we should avoid or special measures we should take to help her. Apparently, it is very common for girls who have gone through what they have to end up… twisted in some ways. There are all kinds of ways they can respond to the trauma they’ve suffered. Sometimes they seek out companionship too freely, or not at all. Many cases have them shunning all intimate male contact for years before finally becoming comfortable enough to start a family, many never do and find themselves interested in…other company. Just, don’t put too many expectations on the poor girl.”

  “Oh, those poor dears, it’s just so horrible what’s happened to them. I see your point; I’ll try to be more careful with what I do or say. Tanya just acts so, well not normal but she certainly gives off an air of self-assurance that I wouldn’t expect based on what she’s been through.”

  “Of course she’s our Soto’s daughter after all.”

  Seiji declared proudly.

  “That’s just it, I was so surprised when I found out that they had spent time together, but how else do you explain why she talks just like him. But why did he never tell us anything about her?”

  Sonoko asked her tone confused and ashamed. Wondering to herself if it was perhaps because they were so distant from their son, that he had kept something as momentous as the birth of his child from them.

  “There’s more to the story, there must be, the police told us the mother was an illegal resident from Germany. That, and Tanya’s admission of a less than reputable birth and this whole trafficking debacle and you can get a pretty good idea that their situation was a bit more than complicated. She said she’d tell us about it in private so I guess we’ll just have to wait.”

  Her husband said, calming her nerves and settling her doubts and fears. But his words triggered a different train of thought.

  “I can’t image what she’s gone through and how she grew up, but didn’t you find it strange the way the two of them reacted to that sound tonight? I’ve never seen someone act like that.”

  “I have. It was a long time ago but my uncle, my father’s older brother, he served in the war. He would react like that if we set fireworks off around the yard without telling him first. It got better as I got older and I had completely forgotten about it until tonight.

  “You should have seen it Grandma, I was walking along brushing up on my English with miss Serebryakov, and bang! Before my brain even fully registered the sound, she had her hand on my shoulder and was pushing me down into a squat. The next instant she’s gone and I look over to see her standing behind Tanya dear, back-to-back arms and hands out like and angry tiger.”

  There was awe mixed into Seiji’s tone as he described the scene to her, his retelling reminded Sonoko of the details from her own experience.

  “I’m telling you Sonoko if that girl was Japanese she’d be on the national team for one sport or another, the speed and reflex, it was incredible. And did you see the way she bolted to protect our granddaughter? It was instinctual, not a moment’s hesitation, that more than anything has convinced me of Tanya’s assertions that they share a kinship.”

  Sonoko’s mind had focused on a different detail however and she brought her observations to her husband to get his opinion.

  “I saw something similar play out on my side, Tanya had me pulled to the ground before I could even blink. But it was strange, Sereb, Visha seemed so tense until Tanya spoke, instantly relaxed. I watched her a lot through the day and looking back there are a lot of moments where she follows Tanya’s lead, and it’s not just because she’s waiting for her to translate for her. During that incident, it’s as if her whole body was coiled ready to spring into action, just waiting for Tanya’s command, only to relax when Tanya’s said it was all ok.”

  “That’s very interesting Grandma.”

  Seiji stated her voice sounding contemplative.

  “What do you think it means?”

  Sonoko asked her curiosity and worry fighting for dominance in her mind.

  “I don’t know, other than that there seems to be a lot more to our granddaughter and her friend than first meets the eye.”

  ~

  Chapter 22 Glossary.

  "Kleiner Frechdachs" is a German idiom translating to "little rascal" or "cheeky monkey" (literal: naughty badger), often used affectionately for misbehaving children, pets, or someone acting impudent. It describes a humorous, playful, or cheeky demeanor.

  A bokuto (木刀) or bokken (木剣) is a traditional Japanese wooden sword, typically shaped like a katana, used for training in martial arts like Kendo, Aikido, and Kenjutsu. Crafted from durable hardwoods such as Japanese red or white oak, they serve as a safe alternative to live blades for kata and sparring.