Lester was 2 years old in human time. His fur was a thick black, white and grey color and he was the grandfather of so many that if he had been able to count, he would have lost count 6 months ago. He wiggled his nose as he entered into a new patch of lettuce he had just found in the forest. The little pekinese dog who lived next to the rabbit burrow had come out while Lester was eating and caught him by surprise so he wasn’t able to get back to his burrow and he had run deep into the forest. While he had been upset at himself for not noticing the dog until it had been right up on him, he found himself pretty happy at finding this green manna.
Seeing a tall, lettuce like plant with deliciously thin leaves, Lester approached it, drooling. His first bite tasted purple, he thought. As he chewed it, he thought, “A purple taste? Since when did tastes come in color?”
It all started the moment he swallowed the lettuce-like plant. There was the sound of trumpets loudly bugling right above him and there were fireworks going off all around and then a human in a tall conical hat and purple robe appeared and said, “Lester Rabbit, you are to be crowned today as the Herbal Wizard.”
“ Mr. Wizard, sir, what is this all about?” Lester demanded of him, his nose twitching all the while.
“Lester,” the wizard said with a big sweep of his arms, indicating he was including everything around them. “Lester, you have eaten of the purple, non-lettuce, herbal wizard making plant. It has allowed you to eat of it so that your herbal using power will be activated. Having eaten of this plant, you have completed the first herbal manifestation and you are declared The Herbal Wizard of the Great Forest of the South.”
“Whoa, just a minute,” the portly rabbit said. “What if I don’t want to be a great wizard?”
“If you deny the plant’s calling, it will have to kill you to save face,” the wizard explained.
“I just asked the question. Of course I want the honor of being the herbal wizard. What is an herbal wizard, anyway?” Lester asked.
“Lester, you just asked the right question. I have been sent here to teach you about your new high calling. If you will look around, you will see many plants in this forest and every single one of them is for a special health benefit. I will teach you about a few of them before everyone is assembled for your grand anointing. This plant, for instance, is the bombastic ball plant. You see the little black, soft balls hanging under the pinkish leaves? For the second herbal manifestation, you pick the black balls, only 5 at a time, grind them up with your mortar and pestle…”
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“Excuse me, Mr. Wizard, but I don’t have a mortar and pestle, “ Lester interrupted.
“I know that. Did you know it is rude to interrupt? Don’t bother to answer. Just listen. Ok, after grinding up the black balls, you pour them carefully into your hand, being ever so careful not to drop any, walk over to the creature you are doing this for and blow the contents of your hand into the creature’s eyes. It will momentarily blind them, causing them to see very clearly through the mind’s eyes. They will have a vision of their life’s quest. A simple herbal remedy, but much asked for,” the Wizard explained.
“Save your questions for after I explain two more remedies,” the Wizard requested in anticipation of Lester’s quisitiveness. “Next is this small plant, which likes to hide under the leaves and has tiny white bells. You will take the little bells, being careful not to squish them, but only take one per ear of the person you are helping. You will place one bell in each of this person’s ears, then place your paws over their eyes and say, ‘Hear the music of the bells. Dance to the tune. Take three steps to the left, then two steps to the right.’ When you take the bells out of that person’s ears, and look into his eyes, he will reveal to you the weather for the next few days. So where was I? Oh yeah, that was the third useful lesson for you.”
Ok, the last one for today is number four. This is one you will use often. Do you see this plant with the ridges in the leaves? It is called plantain. When a creature has a skin infection, you will chew on the leaves for a few minutes and then take the pulp out of your mouth and place it on their infection and then say these words, ‘infection be gone,’” the Wizard said.
“So now it is time for all of the creatures to arrive for your crowning. I said all of the creatures, but it is actually the elders of the forest.” He turned his arms in a circle and all of a sudden appeared a mortar and a pestle, as well as a smaller version of the Wizard’s conical hat and a smaller robe. He set the mortar and pestle down on the ground and placed the hat on Lester’s head. He placed the robe on Lester and stepped back to admire his handiwork.
Lester hopped, tripped over the robe and fell head over heels, till he was laying prostrate on the ground. “No, no this won’t work,” the Wizard said. He took the robe from Lester, mumbled a few words and instantly the robe changed into a rainbow colored shirt and rainbow colored pants.
“Oh, this will be much easier to hop in,” Lester said. The rainbow clothing was made out of special material that shimmered with his every move so that it was shiny enough to make you cover your eyes! He did a quick run in a straight line, then darted to the left and then did a quick switchback to the right. “Oh, these are wonderful clothes and I look really snazzy,” Lester said to the wizard.
“Yes, ahem,” The wizard cleared his throat and nodded beside himself.
