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Chapter 06 - Shaken

  After I returned home from seeing Rory I was in such a funk that I stole away into my room with nothing but my guitar and Bleddyn beside me in bed. I tried to play a few chords to clear my mind, but in the end it didn't help at all. I was just so utterly crushed.

  Dinner was another quiet affair, with mom out meeting my grandparents while Dad and I stayed home to eat burgers. We watched a movie together and had some light conversation, but he must've noticed I wasn't in the best of moods. I didn't want to explain what had happened and I was grateful that he didn't ask. Telling your parents about your love life and crushes? Not the best of times. I can't recall what it was that we were watching, either. Probably some series on Netflix my Dad is a big fan of.

  After a while, I said I was tired and turned in early for the night. But needless to say, I slept like shit. The sun was an unwelcome intruder as beams of light poured onto my face. I was sore, my head ached, and even trying to focus on the ceiling was a challenge. For a while, I did my best to make up patterns in the woodgrain, but it was all no use. I'd just end up going back to the lake. No matter how many times I replayed our interaction in my mind, it all pointed to things falling apart as soon as I got near Rory. Was seeing me up close really that big a deal? Did I come off too strongly?

  I mean, the answer is obviously right in front of me. That expression on his face. A mix of disgust and surprise. Dare I even say horror? And then to just come up with some lame excuse and run away? Yeah, what a douchebag. And no matter how much I wanted to tell my friends about the encounter, I remembered that Benji and he live close to each other so telling him might cause some issues. Especially since Rory is a prominent figure both at school and in his community.

  And here I am, jumping to conclusions, thinking the high school football captain and I even had a chance to begin with. I mean, come on. All the other guys on the team were swarmed with cheerleaders, girl friends, and screaming fans. So as captain, Rory is probably at a higher tier than those boys. He's probably got girls screaming to get with him. A whole list of them! There's no way someone as attractive and popular as him would even think of getting involved with someone like me.

  Then there's the whole issue of our worlds being completely different. I'm a mage. A literal mage! And he's just some jock with too much money. How would any of this make sense. Me, going along with hiding who I am while he is completely blind to the inner workings of my life. No matter my attraction to him, it'd all be based on a lie in the end. Honestly, I need to just put him out of my mind entirely. There's no point trying to build my life up with a stranger I don't even know. That's seriously some psychopath stalker shit. Yeah. I should just... live my own life and move on.

  At least, that's what I kept repeating to myself. But no matter how I tried to comfort my mind, it always went back to that expression of his, leaving me feeling hurt with some deep pain and longing I just couldn't explain.

  My phone pinged and I finally moved off my bed. Cayetana shared with me a picture of her and Benji eating at Brewer's Diner. She had her usual chicken salad and Benji's plate was filled with scrambled eggs, steak, and sausages. I could already hear Benji complaining in my head about how odd it was for someone to have a salad for breakfast, and it made me smile. It was bittersweet, knowing that my friends were having a good time, but it also hit my heart that I couldn't be there to enjoy my birthday weekend with them.

  I stared at the photo a bit longer and sent them a thumbs up emoji before returning the phone onto the nightstand, face down. Looking at it any longer kept making me feel even more upset. I turned over in bed and pulled my plush closer, lifting him up above me.

  "Bleddyn, this all sucks, you know? Not being able to tell my friends about... my life."

  His beady eyes looked back at me, lifeless.

  "I'm not going to be making any friends here. Not with how the guild always looks down on Mom and our family," I mumbled, then hesitated to say anymore. "Tonight's the big night, Bleddyn. The Coming-Of-Age Ceremony. I'm kind of nervous. What if I don't get a focus? Or if my focus is crap? What if I become an enchanter like mom after all?"

  I tried to imagine what he'd say back to me. It's alright Ky! You're bound to get an amazing focus! And even if you did get enchanting, imagine what you could do with it! You could enchant your voice! You'd be the best singer in the band!

  I smiled to myself. "Bleddyn, you know I'm not the lead singer. 'Tana is! And she's got that punk rock voice that already has boys begging to date her."

  Too bad she's too into the supernatural club shit that those boys think she's a weirdo!

  And now I was frowning again. Because even though Cayetana was attractive and had boys leaving her notes in her locker, her obsession with cryptids, ghosts, and the like often made others give her strange looks. If only I could talk to her about magic... if only I could...

  It doesn't matter. She's just a mundane and our rules say she can't know. Unless she marries someone within the supernatural world, and despite her being my friend, that's not a tree I'm interested in at all. I'd much rather red heads with great biceps...

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  I groaned and threw Bleddyn across the room. Then I felt sorry for the plush and scampered off my bed and placed him gently back next to my pillow with quiet apologies. Now that I was up, I figured it would be best to get ready for the day. Digging into my duffle bag, I pulled out a pair of jeans that were frayed at the knees, as well as changed into another of my favorite band shirts.

  There was a gentle rapping on the door as I put on my socks, followed by my mother entering the room. "I see you're awake now. How are you doing, lil man?"

  I shrugged noncommittedly. "Fine, I guess."

  She gave me a look and placed both hands on her hips. "Just fine? You know your father told me you were kind of in a funk yesterday. Want to talk about it?"

  If Dad leaves me alone, it's guaranteed Mom will question me anyway... I finished tying my shoes before I answered. It was a good stall for me to think of an excuse other than the truth. She didn't need to know about my boy trouble. "I'm just... nervous. About tonight."

  That got her to soften her expression and she took a seat on my bed before continuing. "When I was your age, I felt the same. I worried just how my focus would completely change my life. How everyone's perception of me and expectations will suddenly shift."

  "Did it?"

  "Hmm?"

  "Change. Did it all change after you got your focus?"

  For a moment she was quiet. Because we both knew that her life did change after she got her focus. It changed for the worse. "Yes," she finally answered, swallowing hard. "It did change. But in the end, despite all the difficulties that happened because of it, I think things came out better in the end."

  My brow knit together and I looked at her in confusion. "Better? Mom... the mage guild and my grandparents always talk down to you. They consider you an outcast! How is that better?"

  As soon as I said it I instantly wanted to take it back. I saw my mother ball her hands into fists a few times and take several slow and steady breaths. "Yes. They do that a lot. But if I reflect on my life, on my choices, I wouldn't have chosen anything different. Because, and I see this now, that life would've been nothing more than a gilded cage. A life trapped in a cycle of proving who is better and who is stronger." She reached over and placed her hand on my cheek. "And I wouldn't have met your father and you. And I would go through all that hardship just to keep you both. As many times as necessary."

  I leaned into her hand and tried to take in what she said. That regardless of what my focus was, at least I knew for sure that she and Dad would love me and cherish me no matter what. That unlike her, who had nothing as a kid, I had them. "Thanks, Mom."

  "Anytime, lil man. So... are you at least somewhat excited for tonight?"

  I bit my lip and thought on it for a moment. "Yeah. Just a little bit. I just don't want to do the whole ceremony and circle thing."

  She laughed and pulled me into a hug. "We've been practicing on your conjuration and mana control so it won't be all that bad. You all will just go into a circle formation and summon the spell. And when one of the council mages calls on you, you enter the center ring, touch the moon orb, and viola! Instant focus."

  "How will I know what I get? How did you know?"

  She paused and bit her own lip. "The moon orb will change color. That's the first tell. Each school of magic has its own primary hue. For me it was a deep green. An enchanters hue. And for my example... I told my rival I hope she 'breaks a leg,' and... within seconds she fell and broke her leg."

  My eyes widened. "You did not!"

  "I did," she shook her head. "And the council wasn't happy about it at all. She was their star pupil too. She became an evoker. Pyromancer, specifically. A guild favorite for a focus. I believe she's captain of the Boston Guild's guard now. Very prestigious position. And I'll have you know I've heard all about it from your grandparents."

  "I didn't know your magic was that... well... dangerous!"

  "All magic is dangerous, Ky. It's how you use it that's important, and-" she got up and pulled me along with her, "-why I'm so excited I'll get to teach you more soon. Now c'mon. We have to get started with our day and get you ready before tonight."

  "Will I have to meet Grandma and Grandpa still?" I asked, following her out of my room. I noticed her stiffen and realized that was answer enough.

  "I've already had a talk with them. It won't be that bad."

  Despite her words, I wasn't sure if I believed her on this. I nodded anyway, doing my best to trust in whatever she had set up to mitigate the fallout of our real family reunion. But it wouldn't be their words or spoken pleasantries that I knew I should worry about. It would be the judgement in their eyes and actions.

  The rest of the day went by in a blur, with quiet moments with my parents, quick meals, and a few visitors of Mom's old friends who were at least cordial with her. Before I knew it, it was already dark outside and I was putting on my mage uniform. The robe was a bit scratchy against my skin, and the wizard's hat made me feel as if I was in some cosplay. My parents gave me an appraising look, Dad of course giving me comments about how he's jealous of my 'costume' and wants one for himself.

  We walked out from our cabin and into the night. The humidity was still high in the summer air, and a few times I had to swat the mosquitos away while we trekked through dirt paths and tall grass to get to the central field. A large bonfire was already roaring, generating more heat in the already warm night. There was a stage set up, as well as five chairs. The center one was the largest, the Archmagus already sitting on it, while the four identical ones remained empty.

  An announcement was made for all young mages to start centering up and I watched as they approached to create a ring around the center podium. On it was a crystal ball supported on a slim, golden pedestal, surrounded by the four council mages. The moon orb, I assumed. My parents gave me one final hug and I shuffled through the crowd of adults, and took my spot in the inner circle with the other kids. I heard their excited murmurs but I didn't pay much attention to any of them. I was swimming in my own nervous energy that I couldn't focus on anything else.

  But I did manage to glance around and see that all twenty two of us were now present. The ceremony was ready to begin. I didn't recognize anyone from town, so I was aware they must all be from within Boston territory. No one else was from Greywood. I wondered a moment if maybe there were mages from nearby towns and schools, but all thoughts vanished when the Archmagus stood up and held up a hand. Immediately, all talk within the crowd ceased and only the sound of the roaring fire filled my ears.

  "Mages of the Boston Guild, I bid you welcome to the annual Coming-of-Age Ceremony!"

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