New Skill Unlocked: “Oops” – Unpredictable, Sometimes Explosive
Inventory: 1 Garlic Bread Crumb (Curse Potential Unknown)
Mood: Panicked (Level 3)
I had accidentally chosen Accidental Summoner, which basically meant my survival odds now depended entirely on whether my summons liked me. So far, the rotund chef demon in a floppy hat seemed neutral. Possibly confused. Possibly planning murder.
A large shadow loomed over me, accompanied by the sound of screeching teeth and mild existential despair.
‘Ah,’ said the chef demon. ‘That one’s our first customer. I like ’em spicy.’
I tried to take a step back. My foot landed in… something squishy. My screen popped up:
[STATUS: Slime Contamination – Moderate]
[HEALTH: Panic Increasing]
From the slime emerged a tiny, three-eyed gremlin with a smug grin. It waved.
‘Hello!’ it said cheerfully. ‘I’m your first summon!’
I blinked.
‘You’re… that?’
‘Yep,’ it said. ‘Name’s Bob. Don’t worry, I’ll totally help you fight the big scary things.’
‘You… are tiny,’ I said.
Bob puffed up its chest. ‘Size is relative. Also, I have teeth. Small, but teeth.’
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The mini-boss from earlier snarled. It was huge. Multiple horns, multiple claws, and a glaring sense of entitlement. Bob squinted.
‘I can do this,’ it said. ‘Stand back!’
A portal of glitter and vaguely suspicious smoke opened. A horde of… something poured out. Something furry, something tentacled, something that smelled like burnt toast and despair.
‘Uh,’ I said.
‘Relax,’ said Bob, grinning. ‘I summoned snacks.’
The “snacks” immediately attacked the mini-boss. The mini-boss was confused. It seemed to expect a serious fight, but instead was pelted with a barrage of flailing appendages and tiny, screaming pastries.
‘You did… WHAT?’ I asked.
Bob shrugged. ‘Oops.’
[LOOT DROPPED]
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Mini-Boss Toenail (Unidentified; possibly cursed)
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Improbable Hat of Minor Doom (+1 Style, -5 Social Skills)
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1x Mildly Annoyed Demon Clerk Stamp
The mini-boss, now smeared with what smelled suspiciously like blueberry jam, fled. Bob waved cheerfully.
‘See?’ it said. ‘Totally fine.’
‘That… counts as fine?’ I asked.
‘In infernal terms? Absolutely,’ said the chef demon. ‘Welcome to your first victory. Don’t get used to it.’
My system screen blinked furiously:
[LEVEL UP! Accidental Summoner LVL 2]
New Passive Skill: “That Was Definitely Intentional” – Convince Summons They’re Brilliant
New Active Skill: “Total Chaos” – Unleash Random Summons (Cooldown: Questionable)
I sighed.
Somewhere behind the chaos, the clerk demon sipped its coffee. ‘Human,’ it said calmly, ‘you are going to break at least three rules before lunch. That’s optimistic.’
I groaned.
[NEW QUEST AVAILABLE]
Quest Name: Acquire Basic Survival Gear
Objective:
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Find armour that doesn’t scream when worn.
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Obtain a weapon that isn’t sentient… or at least doesn’t gossip.
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Survive minor apocalypse #2 (Optional, but Recommended)
Reward: Slightly less panic
I glanced at Bob. ‘Do you know how to do that?’
‘Sure!’ it said. ‘Mostly. Maybe. Definitely.’
I had a feeling my life was about to become a permanent tutorial level.