Liam never saw Andrew again.
He woke up staring at his musty ceiling, wishing he’d drank enough to have a pounding headache. Anything to distract himself.
There was a notification from Trans Cont. telling him his pay had been cut because of the chaos at the event. It was illegal to lower his wages any more, but they would be siphoning part of them to pay for the damages.
It was time to get up for work again. His legs and feet moved of their own volition. He didn’t bother changing his clothes or washing his face. He sent a message to Andrew, hours passed and still there was no reply. The work shift dragged on, his arms dully moving, his mind somewhere else. That feeling had returned, the empty hole in his guts, and this time work couldn’t distract him.
Liam ate lunch, alone.
It was 1:00 in the afternoon when he received a distressed message from Andrew. Panicked and frantic he called for an ambulance. They wouldn’t send one, Andrew’s debts were too deep to pay for it, they would never get their money back if they came. A cleaning crew was sent instead.
Admit it, you shouldn’t have kept blaming all your problems on something else!
Liam didn’t know where Andrew lived, only that it was somewhere in the east housing block. He didn’t bother finishing his shift.
The white van of a cleaning crew was already there, the body already loaded up, cause of death: overdose.
“You know him or something?”
“Yeah,” replied Liam.
“Shame.”
“What’s gonna happen to him now?”
“I’m gonna dispose of the body and banks are gonna collect on everything to try and make back on his debts.” The cleaner pocketed the remnants of the euphoria IX.
“You gonna keep that?”
“What? You think I do this job sober?” The white van and Andrew careened wildly away.
It was late, time to go eat, then sleep, and then wake up again.
Admit it! You shouldn’t have kept blaming all your problems on something else! It’s all your fault!
Liam woke up again. A notification from Trans Cont. blared, a warning notice for quitting his shift early. He would’ve lost his job if it hadn’t been for widespread chaos and layoffs caused by the party. As it stood they’d be cutting his pay more to finance the costs for the nonexistent damages his abrupt departure had caused.
It was time to work again. There would be no relief, no time to grieve. After, it would be time to eat, then sleep, and repeat it all again. His body moved on its own.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
His body was a machine, it would continue onwards regardless of his mind, regardless of his thoughts, regardless of his feelings.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
That was all he lived for now. There would be no respite. No pause in the grind to process, just the dull and mindless repetition day in and day out.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
You blind fool! You should’ve said something else! Admit it, it’s your fault because you just kept blaming all your problems on something else!
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
It was all over, just like that. Liam would now return to the embrace of the machine. He was alone again, just like he had been for years. He would slip back into that trance of waking dreams, mechanically moving from day to day through no will of his own. There was nothing left to care about, nothing left to worry about. Just let your body keep moving, and ignore the growing hole.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
There would be no poetic words, no eloquent speeches.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
There would be no one to stop and grieve. No one to care. No one even to talk to.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
There would be no time to think, no time to process or feel. He must continue the grind, cut out his final links to humanity and embrace that this was what it meant to live.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Admit it! You just keep blaming all your problems on something else!
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
If you hadn’t Andrew would still be alive!
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Admit it!
“No.”
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
You can’t keep ignoring it!
“No! It’s not my fault! I did everything I could!”
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Liam had run out of cigarettes. The box was empty, but his cravings were not. He wanted something stronger, a stiff drink, a psychedelic, but his wages had been reduced to nothingness. He could afford no respite from the voice, from his own mind, his own memories.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
There would be no ceremony. No justice, no final words, no final moments, no tears. There would be no outrage, no outburst, no stories in the news or protests. There would be no rage or anger, just a slow numbing. There wouldn’t even be a gravestone, no coffin, nor any sort of remembrance. There would be no mourners in black, no family gathering around. Life would move on as if a person had never existed at all.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
There was no sky in this city. No parks, no places to simply sit and think. Nowhere to go save to satiate the call of work, food, and bed.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Sleep.
You have an appointment with Doctor Davis today.
“Liam, you seem to be doing poorly, we’ll have to up your medication and—”
“A friend died.”
“Oh, I’m glad to hear that’s it. Just give it some time and everything will pass over. Keep showing up to work as well, it’s best to keep yourself busy.”
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Admit it! It’s your fault, it’s ALWAYS been your fault!
“No.”
You can’t keep ignoring it! You can’t keep denying it! Admit it!
“No! I do what I can, it’s not my fault the world’s like this!”
ADMIT IT!
“NO!”
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Liam was returning to the same state he’d been in for 12 years on the job.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.
A state where everything was a blur.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Every day indistinguishable from the previous.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Liam had stopped finding enjoyment in anything.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Whenever he woke he was tempted to take two of his pills instead of one, maybe then they’d have the desired effect.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
He was constantly watching the generated slop without taking any of it in.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
The moving pictures with catchy sounds and bright colors kept him distracted.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
They kept him comfortable and numb.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Without nicotine he’d taken to constant masturbation, but that was losing its luster. After a while it stopped hitting the same, stopped giving the same effect.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Without paying for anything he couldn’t get a stronger effect.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
But he needed to feel something, anything, other, other than the empty hole.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
His brain was constantly flooded with dopamine and chemicals—
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
—kept on a constant cycle of entertainment—
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
—to keep him from having to think—
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
—from having to feel—
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
—from having to listen—
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
—to the voice—
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
—to himself—
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
Wake. Work.
You’re receiving a call from Bob.
“Bob?”
He’s listed as a contact among your friends list.
“Oh… right. Answer it.”
“Yo Dude!” a massive man with bright pink skin appeared, “Check me out!”
Bob’s appearance had changed quite drastically, his muscular body had now ballooned to twice its previous size with muscles slapped on top of previous ones, giving his limbs a hideous, layered appearance. Gleaming vampire teeth stuck out of his mouth and his eyes were bulging massive golden spheres. The wings were gone, but horns now sprouted out from random places on his body and a tail slithered behind him. It was a hideous, self-indulgent, creation of concerning cost.
“What happened to you?” asked Liam dully.
“Don’t you like the look? You gotta trust me, it’s gonna absolutely take off and be everywhere!”
“You should know that you’re a rich ****.”
If you support free speech please support senator John Johnson by purchasing a full speech pass today.
“Dude,” continued Bob, “I’ve been going to a Beyond Humanity, like, every day, and this sort of appearance is all the rage there. It’s only a matter of time before it’s everywhere!”
“Every day?”
“You gotta come with sometime, I’ve got like a membership and everything, whatever I can imagine, they’ve got!”
Liam stared at the hideous, porn-addicted monstrosity labeled as his friend in some database somewhere. It only ever contacted him when it had something to show off, when it had some new and expensive thing it wanted him to see. Liam had never seen Bob in person, never seen what he really looked like, never heard his real voice, never heard a real thought. He looked at the strange creature, only, it wasn’t so different from him, chasing pleasure and fleeing pain. An animal that didn’t know what it meant to live, content to spend endless flows of cash on something solely on the basis that it felt good. Surely that was a way to fill the hole, a rejection of the machine—a desire to enjoy life at any cost.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll go tonight,” replied Liam, sounding as unenthused as ever.
“Dude, no way! I thought you were like poor or something!”
What was the point of saving money if you didn’t spend it on relieving the voices, on filling the hole? Liam craved something, anything, a feeling, a pleasure, just something that would make him feel good, that would ease the feeling he couldn’t get out. So, why not splurge? Maybe, just maybe it would help.
“Where we meeting?” asked Liam.
“Huh?”
“Which Beyond Humanity are you going to?”
“Oh! Man, you’re old fashioned! I go to the one in the city proper, the one off the big street, like around 8:00 or so, but don’t expect me to wait for you!”
“Alright, I’ll see you-”
Call ended.
“-then. **** him!”
If you support free speech please support senator John Johnson by purchasing a full speech pass today.
Liam wasn’t entirely sure why he was going. He was falling deeper in debt by the day, but, still, what else did it mean to live? If not for those moments where he felt good, what else did he wake up every day for?
Liam took a train down below and strolled out among the crowded streets. Music swelled, people laughed, talked, advertisements called down from every which way, their neon images filling his vision. The Beyond Humanity was crowded as usual, though Bob, with his pink skin, was an unmistakable figure waiting to get in. Liam stepped into line with him, though he couldn’t help but notice what looked like his doctor entering ahead of them.
“Man, I can’t believe you actually made it!” the massive pink figure said. Liam flipped his right eye closed, wanting to see what he actually looked like beneath the pile of cash. Bob was a scrawny man only a little younger than Liam. His white hair was a mess, spittle dribbled from his lips, his expression was zoned out. He must be on something Liam figured. But, why not? If you had the money for it, why not pay for drugs, why not pay for sex, why not pay to keep your brain constantly awash with waves of chemicals, what other reason could it mean to live other than to chase pleasure? Wouldn’t that at least abate the empty feeling?
Bob began talking, but to no one in particular, his speech was increasingly erratic, increasingly nonsensical and unintelligible. His movements were animated, and his metal eyes roved about wildly, unable to find anything to focus on. The two of them inched their way up to the front of the line, and Liam got his first real look inside the building.
Lights flashed and music played in order to hide the primal noises, the air was scented, but the pervasive odor of sweaty bodies was impossible to ignore. People climbed into row upon row of metal machines, letting themselves be swallowed up with eager expressions across their metal faces. Man and machine melded together, becoming one singular entity. What was left of the flesh was reduced to an animal-like state, chasing pleasure with an insatiable appetite and fleeing pain. Man and machine, machine and man, it became harder and harder to tell one apart from the other. Human intimacy replaced by metal connecting to metal, love replaced by chemicals injected straight into the brain. There was nothing real about it. It was a pointless embracing of the machine, clinging to it desperately to deny the hole that was eating away at their insides. Metal eyes, metal mouths locked in hideous expressions of joy, the self reduced to nothingness, all to hide from it, to run from it, to ignore it, the emptiness that threatened to swallow them whole. A reduction of oneself to the machine so you wouldn’t have to think anymore, wouldn’t have to feel anymore, wouldn’t have to try anymore. It was easier to let the machine do the thinking, to let it do the feeling, to let it live for you.
Repulsion coiled itself through Liam, slowly snaking up his intestines. His left eye, still pulsing with flesh and blood, couldn’t deny reality. Surely this couldn’t be it, surely this couldn’t be the answer to what it meant to live, surely there had to be something more, surely there had to be something he didn’t understand. A feeling stirred inside of him, a hideous, terrible thing crawling its way out of the depths of his soul.
What was he doing in a place like this? What did he hope to find here? Its claws raked his insides raw as it continued its ascent. Why was he so pathetic? What hadn’t he said something other than ‘no’ that night! It reached his brain, the claws digging in deep and burying themselves in his vulnerable flesh.
Self-loathing, the realization that he was a hideous, wretched creature chasing pleasure to sate its own feelings of inadequacy, to hide from his own failures and pain. He hated the unreality of the world, its lies and perversion, yet was attracted to it all the same. He had screamed and cursed at the sky, but he hadn’t fought it. In the end he had done nothing, been no better than the rest, and inevitably returned to seeking it. He loathed it, and loathed himself for desiring it. He was searching for something: a feeling, a purpose, meaning, a reason; something, but didn’t know what it was. He existed in a world that wasn’t made for him. A world where he was just a useless cog in some great machine. A world where a young man in the prime of his life could die and no one would care. No one would offer help, only ever concerned with themselves, with how things looked. It was a world where he had no reason to exist, no validation for living, a world of endless striving without purpose.
Liam looked at the Beyond Humanity, at all the people desperate for its sweet embrace. They hid themselves in bright colors, putting on a front, trying to ignore reality. The only things they saw were fake and superficial. Their metal eyes were blind, blind to the world, blind to themselves. Liam had no desire to be in a place like this, no desire to keep pretending, no desire to keep swallowing the facade, and he hated himself for being the only one who didn’t seem to get it. Why couldn’t he just accept things and move on?
Admit it! You just keep blaming all your problems on something else!
“I admit it, it’s always been my fault!”
Admit it! You were always the problem!
“I admit it! I’m the issue, I’m what’s wrong!”
Liam found himself forcing his way back out through the crowd, forcing his way out of the line and back onto the street.
Admit it! It’s all been your responsibility!
“I admit! I didn’t take responsibility for anything, I never have!”
Liam found himself on a train going back up.
Admit it! You always have been and will be the issue!
“I admit it!”
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
“I admit it!”
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep. Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
“I admit it!”
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep. Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep. Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
“I admit it!”
Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep. Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep. Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep. Wake. Work. Eat. Sleep.
“I admit it!”
Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.
You have an appointment with Doctor Davis today.
Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.Work.Eat.Sleep.Wake.
You have an appointment with Doctor Davis today.
WakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWakeWorkEatSleepWake.
You have an appointment with Doctor Davis today.
Wakeworkeatsleepwakeworkeatsleepwakworkeatsleepwakworkeatsleepwakworeatsleepwakworeatsleepwakworeasleepwakworeasleepwakworeasleewakworeasleewaworeasleewaworeasleewawoeasleewawoeasleewawoesleewawoesleewawoeslewawoeslewwoesleewwoesleewwesleewwesleewwslewwslewwslwwslwslwslwlwlwswswewewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
