Hangzhou, China – October 19th, 7:00 PM
Ouch!
Anna winces in sympathy as Kang takes a punch to the face. That had to hurt, she thinks as she squeezes through the crowd to the front. The guy in the suit is still on the ground, rolled up in a ball. She squats down to help him into a sitting position.
“Are you all right?” She asks.
To her surprise, he answers in English. "I think so,” he gasps. “got… the wind …out of me."
Anna gently presses on his diaphragm to help it relax. “Slow, deep breaths,” she says, keeping one eye on her patient and the other on the fight.
Kang recovers quickly from the blow. He stays light on his feet, going in and out of his opponent's reach. The guy keeps attacking, getting angrier with every miss. Enraged, he hurls himself at Kang. Waiting for this moment, Kang sidesteps and latches onto the man’s neck. In less than ten seconds, the jerk passes out.
Anna isn’t concerned about the unconscious man. Kang simply cut off the circulation at the carotid artery. The asshole will be fine in a few seconds, she calculates. Satisfied that her expertise isn’t needed by anyone else, Anna turns her attention back to the man in front of her. “Feeling better?”
“Yeah, thanks.” He says clearly, his breathing back to normal.
Anna reaches for the guy’s shirt. “Let’s check for internal injuries.”
He only took his eyes off her for a few seconds. After turning the perp over to the station's security team, Kang looks over to find Anna undressing a man in public. What is she thinking? Does she have any sense of self-preservation?
Before Anna can undo the shirt buttons, Kang's hand pushes hers away, “Bù yào zhèyàng.”
Anna shakes him off with frustration, “Bù, bù, bù, YOU stay out of my way.” Anna ignores Kang to go back to what she is doing.
“It’s ok,” The attorney says, looking over her shoulder at Kang, “I’m good.”
“Ignore him,” Anna says, but the man pushes himself up to his feet.
“See, I’m fine.” The attorney assures her as a station worker comes over to lend support. “I’ll go to the hospital to get checked just to be safe.”
At least someone is reasonable, Kang thinks as the attorney steadies himself.
“If you want to press charges, make sure to document your injuries and file a police report,” Kang says, taking Anna’s hand so they don’t get separated again.
“I will.” The attorney watches the abuser get taken away in cuffs, “better it was me this time.”
Kang’s expression loosens, “If you’re going to take down assholes, learn how to fight in the street as well as the courtroom.”
Anna watches the attorney smile at Kang like they’re best buddies instead of a guy who just had him shaking in his shoes a few seconds ago. “Men,” she sighs in annoyance.
***
Ryan stops for the red light at the bustling intersection in front of the train station. In his peripheral vision, he sees a flare of red disappear into the passenger side of a black SUV parked on the street.
“Anna,” he shouts, even though he knows there is no way she can hear.
Horns blare as the light turns green. Ryan shoves his helmet back on, revs the engine, and spares only a second to glance at the No U-Turn sign before ignoring it. His bike leans hard into the turn, cutting off an angry commuter.
The SUV is only half a kilometer ahead.
Then—blue lights and a siren flash behind him.
Shit. Damn cops.
Grinding his teeth, Ryan pulls over, watching helplessly as the SUV shrinks into the distance.
***
Hailee isn’t shocked when Anna storms into the apartment fuming. Agent Kang seems to have a knack for putting a match to her short fuse.
“Let her know I’ll pick her up tomorrow at 9 am,” Kang tells Hailee.
Hailee relays his message to Anna, who grabs a tub of ice cream to cool her temper.
There is no need to interpret the gesture Anna gives in response.
Instead of being offended, to Hailee’s surprise, Kang appears amused.
“No need to translate,” he says deadpan.
Hailee isn’t sure if he is being serious or making a joke. When he turns to leave, Hailee notices a red patch near his eye that is beginning to turn the purple of a fresh bruise. As the door closes, she can’t help but wonder, what the hell happened?
Anna hands Hailee a pint and a spoon while she regales her about what happened. “Then, tall, dark, and surly interfered. He needs to stay in his own lane. He deals with the criminals, and I care for the victims.”
“He was probably worried about your safety. There are con artists that feign injury or stage distractions,” Hailee points out.
Anna considers this as the last ember of her temper dies, “Fine, go ahead and be logical.”
“You haven’t had much of a break from work this trip.” Hailee jokes.
“No kidding,” Anna says. At home, she works in the cardiology department, where the average age of the patients is sixty. It’s mostly scheduled surgeries and follow-up care. Ever since she got here, it's been chaos and unpredictability.
But being first on the scene, knowing the fate of the person’s life is in your hands, is a rush. During her sleepless nights, an idea took form in her mind.
“I’m thinking of changing to the Emergency Department.”
“No way,” Hailee says empathetically. “You shouldn’t even be a nurse in the first place. You’re supposed to be living a low-key lifestyle. What if you have another heart attack?”
It’s a risk, but she wants to use her skills to save as many lives as possible. If doing so cuts into her own, so be it. It didn’t belong to her in the first place.
“I have been fine since I got here,” Anna points out.
“You know better than anyone the effects of prolonged stress,” Hailee calls her out. “Not to mention increased risk of exposure to illness. Mom and Dad worried enough with you in cardio.”
It’s true; the only reason she was able to convince her parents to support her nursing career in the first place was that she would be working with her doctor. There are pros and cons to working in the cardio department. On the plus side, she can empathize with her patients since she has first-hand experience.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
On the downside, her boss gives her special treatment. She is given the easiest patients and the best shifts. This sounds great, but no matter how many times the other nurses insist they understand, there is definitely some resentment.
“Mom and Dad will adjust,” Anna says. They might not like it, but in the end, they’ll give in if it makes her happy.
“Like they adjusted to me living here?” Hailee says, “How come it’s okay for you to be selfish, but I can’t?”
“I’m not telling you what to do. If you want to stay, then stay!”
It must be nice not having to consider anyone’s feelings, Hailee thinks, infuriated. Whenever Anna wants something, she will get it. No matter how much trouble it causes others.
As angry and frustrated as she is at her sister, she is more annoyed with herself for being a push-over. She traveled halfway around the world to become an independent woman, but she can’t even speak up for herself with her twin. The years of frustration and disgust at her spinelessness spill over into a simple sentence. “I want to stay.”
Hailee isn’t sure who is more shocked by her declaration.
Anna recovers first, throwing her hands up in exasperation, knowing it’s time to get the answer she doesn’t want to hear. “Why?”
She doesn’t get the response she is expecting.
“I’m afraid,” Hailee admits softly.
“Of what?” Anna asks. What could Hailee possibly be afraid of to make her leave home? If someone has hurt her—
“What if I can’t change?”
“Why do you need to change? You’re the best person I know,” Anna says with complete sincerity. Hailee is the nicest person on the planet and would bend over backward to help a stranger. She is the person Anna counts on to be by her side no matter what.
“What’s my favorite music?” Hailee asks.
Anna is thrown off track by the sudden shift in topic but answers without hesitation, “Country and Rock.”
“It's pop and hip-hop.” Hailee says, then jumps to the next question, “Favorite food?”
“Pizza and Lasagna”
“Tacos and Szechuan – the spicier, the better.”
“Since when?” asks Anna, confused. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because those are your favorites.”
Anna struggles against a feeling of guilt and defensiveness. Hailee is her twin, it is ridiculous for her not to know such simple answers. She should have paid more attention, but she isn’t a mind reader.
“If you wanted something different, you should have said something.”
“I should have, but I didn’t.”
“So it is my fault?”
“No, it’s not you. It’s me.”
Anna doesn’t know what her sister’s point is. Is Hailee trying to say she doesn’t want to come home because Anna took her for granted? Well, too bad they’ve been together since the womb, and it doesn’t matter how far apart they are physically, they are a unit.
“Are you trying to break up with me? We are sisters; it doesn’t work like that.”
Much to Anna’s frustration, instead of answering, Hailee changes the topic again.
“Do you remember Trevor, my college boyfriend?”
“Sure, the car guy,” Anna says, waiting to see where this train is leading.
“When I was with him, I listened to metal and lived on meatball subs and tandoori chicken because they were his favorites,” Hailee says pointedly.
The realization of what her sister is trying to say sinks in, and Anna’s stomach knots.
“Do you know why we broke up?” Hailee continues.
“No”
Hailee tells Anna about the night she and her boyfriend were playing a game with another couple, the type where you have to guess your partner's answers. Anna could see where this was leading. Hailee got everything right, and he got none.
“He was a nice guy,” Hailee explains, “but that’s when he started to notice how much I catered to him.”
Anna remembers when Hailee began dating Trevor. He was a car enthusiast, so Hailee started going to car shows and races and studying engine repair. Their brother Vin even offered her a job in his repair shop. In hindsight, Hailee might have gone a bit overboard.
Anna thinks back to when she was around them. They never argued, she realizes, but it was because Hailee agreed to everything he said.
“He said I was Stepford girlfriend. I made him feel like a perv with a blow-up doll.”
Anna remembers being surprised when the seemingly perfect couple broke up, but she was afraid to ask why. Hailee had been spending a lot of time with her at the hospital, taking care of her. Anna hadn’t wanted to be the reason for her sister’s relationship failure. So she buried her head in the sand and missed her chance to be the supportive one.
“I’m sorry.” Anna wipes a tear from her eye. “I wish you told me.”
“It had nothing to do with you.” Hailee sighs, “Like I said, it isn’t you, it’s me.”
Anna wants to shout– If you told me I could have been there for you! They could have eaten a bucket of ice cream and spent the night bad-mouthing Trevor, crying, and planning a revenge scheme they would be too chicken to actually do. Instead, she decides to show her sister that she can be there for her as well.
“You should stay.” Anna says, “If it makes you happy, you should stay.”
“Thanks,” Hailee says, “but I don’t think it’s working anyway.”
“Sure it is,” Anna says. “You stood up to me just now. Would you have done that before?”
“No, but—“
“So it’s working,” Anna says. “Medicine doesn’t always fix things overnight.”
“You need me.”
“I need you on my side,” Anna agrees, “but not physically there.”
“Are you sure?” Hailee says hesitantly, but her face is already brighter.
“Yup,” Anna says. “Plus, if I am awake at two in the morning, I know who to call.”
“I’ll probably be at school,” Hailee jokes, “unless it’s the weekend.”
Anna shakes her head, knowing her sister will pick up no matter where she is.
“Let’s order a pizza,” Hailee says, “I’m starving.”
Anna can feel her stomach rumbling for something warm and savory. “How about tacos? Since you mentioned them, now I’ve got a craving.”
Hailee smiles widely. “I know a place.”
***
That night, Hailee takes out a photo. In the picture is Trevor, a six-foot, boy-next-door type with enough scruff to give him an edge, the guy every girl dreams of dating. They met four years ago at college when they both took Mandarin as an elective. He sat next to her on the first day of class, and they became inseparable.
The tail of a boa constrictor is wrapped around Trevor’s shoulders in the picture; the rest of the snake’s body is missing, along with the other half of the photo. Hailee hadn’t been able to bring herself to share the full extent of her shame and how far she had lost herself.
Two Years Ago
Hailee hurries into the tiny studio apartment, she can’t wait to get into the shower. She can still feel the snake's scales on her skin; she shudders.
“Did you have fun?” Trevor asks, his tone pointed, like a stern teacher giving a pop quiz, expecting failure.
Hailee has felt a distance growing between them since that game night. He keeps suggesting activities he knows she doesn’t like— scary movies, soccer games, and today, a reptile show. She let the handler wrap its heavy coils around her. She even held the head. She swears the snake stared at her like she was his favorite dish on the menu.
It’s obvious he is testing her devotion, but she doesn’t know why. She keeps trying to prove herself, but the harder she tries, the bigger the gap seems to get, which makes her more anxious.
“Yes, of course I did. I was with you.” Hailee reaches her arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss, but he doesn’t lean down.
Instead, he removes her hands. “You make me feel gross.”
Hailee steps back and curls in like she has been sucker punched physically instead of just emotionally, “What?”
“I want to break up,” Trevor clarifies.
He continues to explain, and Hailee can see his lips moving, but she can’t wrap her brain around what is happening. How can he say such horrible things with the same mouth that took her first kiss? She gave him her heart, her body, and her soul. How can he do this?
He must be testing her again. He wants her to show him how much she loves him. Hailee’s knees hit the floor.
“You don’t mean it. I promise I’ll be better.” Hailee reaches for his belt, but Trevor steps back. “Please, I can change. Tell me what you want.”
Trevor backs into the wall, and Hailee manages to grab onto the buckle. She fumbles to unlatch it, but Trevor pushes her hands away.
“You’re sick.” He says, looking down at her.
His words say one thing, but from her position, she can tell he is aroused. It's stress, she convinces herself; once he feels better, he’ll change his mind.
“What is wrong with you? I said we are over.” Trevor shouts.
“You don’t mean it. You love me.”
“I don’t even know who the fuck you are.”
From the floor, Hailee launches herself at him, screaming and crying. She digs her nails into his chest, hitting and clawing him with all the rage and pain she has been bottling up. In self-preservation, he shoves her away, but she loses her balance and tumbles backward onto the floor beside the bed.
He takes his apartment key out of his pocket and tosses it on the nightstand. “I already packed my stuff, and the rent is paid up.”
“Don’t…please…don’t go,” she cries, a sniveling heap of tears and desperation, but he refuses to look at her. She has no energy left to stop him as he walks out the door.
Her eyes are so blurry she can’t see the tears streaming down his face.
Ten minutes later, there is a knock at the door, and Hailee finally drags herself up from the floor. Hope surges, she races to the door only to find two officers on the other side. She doesn’t know what she is saying, but after they take a quick look around, they leave.
Overwhelmed with rage and shame, Hailee decides she doesn’t want to feel anymore.
She finds the bottle of vodka left over from their housewarming party. It’s a three-quarters-full bottle, and she chugs it in under a minute. Then, she moves on to the beer.
For the next three days, she wakes up in a puddle of vomit. Without Trevor, she doesn’t know what to do or who she is. It doesn’t matter. No one cares about her anyway.
She grabs the framed picture of her and Trevor at the snake show and tears off the backing. She rips it in half. She shreds the image of herself into tiny pieces. She is nothing.
Hailee smashes the frame, and the glass makes a satisfying chime as the pieces fall to the floor.
A shrill ring comes from inside the blankets on the bed. She digs through the covers to find the phone—it could be Trevor. Instead, it's her mom. She doesn’t want to answer, but her trembling hands fumble the phone, accidentally hitting accept. Her mom’s voice cracks through the speaker, “Hurry, it's Anna. The doctors don’t think she will make it.”
***
Ironically, her sister’s death saved her life. Exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster, Hailee shoves the memories out of the way and the photo back into the nightstand. However, a cycle of self-doubt continues to tumble around in her mind as she tries to sleep.
Has she changed, or is she only fooling herself? She only spends time with her boss and students. No matter how many lists of likes and dislikes she makes, how can she know if she has learned to be independent if she is always alone?
If You Need Support
Crisis & Support Hotlines:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.) – Call 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 ()
- Crisis Text Line (U.S., Canada, UK, Ireland) – Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor ()
- Befrienders Worldwide – Find crisis helplines in your country ()
- Maple Women's Psychological Counseling Center – Call 010-6403-1700 (Chinese, Mon-Fri 9 AM - 5 PM)
- Beijing Suicide Prevention Center – Call 0800-810-1117 or 010-8295-1332 (24/7, Chinese)
Online Support & Therapy:
- RAINN (U.S.) – Support for survivors of abuse:
- Love Is Respect – Healthy relationship resources:
- BetterHelp – Online therapy options:
- 心理健康服务 (Mental Health Support in China) – (Chinese-language psychological support)