“Welcome to the Cute Dragon Maid Cafe where every meal is served with a smile!” The waitress set down two coffees and then did a spin in pce, making her skirt fre out. When she finished her turn she was now holding a white notepad and a dragon-head pen. “Can I get you started with anything or would you like some time to browse our menu <3”

  “How can she just speak a heart emoticon?” Scale’s face turned three shades of red from second-hand embarrassment. Her neck shrunk into her shirt.

  “You of all people should know that,” said Hana as she picked up a menu and held it up for the camera. “Chat, what looks good?”

  “It wasn’t a question on the mechanics behind it,” said Scale. She very well knew how to ‘speak’ by vibrating magic, creating a blended image-centric communication that transcended traditional nguage. Hers was more a question on how someone could be so completely shameless. Adding cutesy images and wearing cospy maid outfits while selling overpriced food was an entirely new level of shamelessness for the more introverted Scale to process.

  “It’s fine if you don’t know.”

  “I just told you—”

  “She’s using her magic power to print the emote in the air.” Hana started expining the mechanics to, perhaps, the single most qualified individual on the pnet on the subject. Worse still, she was expining the mechanics wrong. “You go swish swoosh with your mana and stitch it in the air to draw. It’s like that paint program on computers—”

  “Oh my god.” Scale wanted to die.

  “Thank you for the 10000 Tipz! Sure, I’ll try the omurice special just for you!” Thankfully Hana was soon distracted by a rge donation and dropped the previous subject. She looked up from the menu to Scale and ughed. “How about you try it too, Princess? I heard the waitresses even cast a cute spell on it for you at the table!”

  “Ah.” Scale had gazed into the abyss for too long. She was starting to become numb to everything. The color drained from her face and her expression emuted the famous 1000-yard stare. “Okay, sure,” she said.

  “Hai hai! Two of our house special Dragomurice coming up~” The waitress did another spin and her notebook disappeared. A cat jumped up onto her shoulder and she turned to walk away. A tuft of cat hair fluttered down onto the table. Scale stared at the hair with a vacant gaze.

  “Okay then let’s start on the interview while we wait!” Hana’s high energy voice made Scale flinch.

  “Ah.” Scale scratched the back of her head and picked up her coffee with the other. She had a good defense against any questions that were too intrusive. No matter what Hana asked she was ready. Since there was an actual wsuit she could reasonably skip any questions reted to the school incide—

  “Are you currently dating anyone?”

  Scale gagged on the coffee she was sipping. It almost came out of her nose.

  “That’s the reaction of someone definitely hiding a secret retionship!” Hana spped the table. The chat on her stream started going wild with fire emotes.

  “N-no, I’m not,” said Scale. She waved her hands in front of herself in an embarrassing fluster. “I’m not even attracted to humans.”

  “Oh that’s interesting!” Hana leaned forward. “Then are you attracted to other dragons?” She looked around the room at all the stuffed animals and drawings. Her smug aura was intense.

  “Ah.” Scale hesitated. “I’m not sure.” She decided to speak the truth. “Ever since I was reborn I’ve never felt intimate attraction—”

  “But you did before, right?”

  “Well yeah. But that was when I was human.”

  “What types did you like when you were human?”

  “Mostly tidy, pretty, and nice girls—”

  “Ooooh!”

  “Basically the exact opposite of you.”

  Hana froze. The chat exploded. The corner of her mouth flickered. Her right eye twitched.

  “Mods, ban anyone spamming the loner emote.” Hana recovered quickly thanks to her experience as a live streamer. Her eyes glowed as she met Scale’s stare.

  Scale flinched and dry swallowed at seeing the malice in Hana’s eyes.

  “I don’t mean that you’re not pretty. You’re just so energetic—” Scale tried to rectify her faux pas but was quickly interrupted.

  “Princess, why don’t we talk about a recent Gate you assisted with.”

  “Ah, sure. Which one—”

  “There are people ciming that you were te to the Mississippi Gate because you were out partying and drinking. Are these cims true?”

  Scale shivered at the sudden tabloid-style form of questioning. “It’s not like that,” she said.

  “But is it not an objective fact that the staff of the Belligrand House reported that you drank over 20 bottles of wine that night?”

  “The staff might have reported it but that doesn’t make it true.” Scale shrank into her seat. Memories from that night were still fresh. Her embarrassing moments fshed through her mind like a high-definition film.

  “It turns out the Belligrand House, being such a high profile establishment, has numerous CCTV cameras. If you’re confident, me and my team happen to have some footage we can p—”

  “No.” Scale’s back went rigid and her brow furrowed. The table beneath her cracked; she was thankfully able to hold back from smashing it. “I did drink that night but I don’t see how that’s a problem.”

  “You’re a strategic asset for America. How can it not be a problem when you’re drunk on the job?” Hana’s chipper fake voice had a resonant trill.

  “I wasn’t on the job. I had closed Gates literally earlier that day. There are over 30 S-rank awakeners in America and it’s not my responsibility to handle every situation that crops up.” Scale’s voice leveled as her frustrations grew. As her emotions were strung higher and higher she grew more competent, holding her own in the conversation. “Are you saying someone who closed multiple Gates earlier in the day can’t go out and enjoy a drink or two?”

  “Surely twenty bottles is more than a drink or two.”

  “It’s not, though. The proof is in the performance.” Scale smiled but it didn’t touch her eyes. Her pupils had turned into vertical slits. A small amount of mana leaked unconsciously and several cats in the room hissed. “Tell me, Hana, since you know so much. How many casualties were there at the Mississippi Gate?”

  “Several people were injured—”

  “How many left the battle site injured?”

  The bickering drew intense reactions from the chat. Commenters weren’t letting a single exchange pass without mocking either Hana, Scale, or both of them simultaneously. There was a gentle antagonistic retionship between any energetic streamer and their audience, so it made sense that Hana was receiving most of the negative comments. Thankfully, the argument was interrupted at the perfect time.

  “Hai hai!” The waitress from earlier returned with two ptes. The omelet and rice dishes were shaped like small dragons and covered in garnishes that resembled wings and cws. Scale found the dispy incredibly distasteful and recoiled in shock at the sight. The revulsion she experienced resembled what a human might experience seeing a meat dish in the shape of a baby.

  “Ah.” She pushed back her chair. Her face paled and her appetite was gone. Sarah had escaped and she wasted more than enough time on this farce of an interview with Hana. “I left my—” She looked around the room for an excuse. She spotted several of the cafe cats sprawled out on their beds. “—Cat in the—” She saw the kitchen through a gap behind the counter. “—Oven. I gotta go.”

  Hana coughed at the absurd excuse. “Hold on, Princess,” she said as she stood up to follow, but Hana couldn’t hope to catch Scale’s coattails. In a moment she was left standing over two ptes of food. She looked at the camera and put on a wry smile before asking, “I fucked up again, didn’t I?”

  —Yup

  —Yes indeed

  —[Bald Emote][Fire Emote][Bald Emote][Bald Emote]

  —(Message deleted by moderator.)

  —I thought they were going to kiss

  —Princess X Hana best ship

  —How the hell does Hana have CCTV footage from Belligrand anyways? Was it a bluff?

  —Wait yeah what the

  Scale returned to the safe house that Sarah provided for her and slipped inside. Her hands were trembling and her head hurt. She genuinely decided to avoid that bitch Hana until the end of days. Part of her considered getting revenge but she let that malicious thought fade into the background.

  The interior of the safe-house was surprisingly cozy despite the destitute exterior. The only problem Scale had was the lighting.

  “Why is everything colored with rainbow LEDs?”

  Sarah’s taste was, in Scale’s opinion, questionable, but she considered that maybe it was actually a good thing.

  “After all, if she didn’t have bad taste she wouldn’t have been with Alyssa.”