Chapter 10: Bears and Plants
Bloom was eaten five more times. Each time I waited for her to come back. We found a Dryad, I knew she was a fake. I knew she wasn’t real. I tried for her anyway and that's how I ended up being consumed by a bear. Why are there bears in the Jungle? Don’t worry about it.
Surprisingly, I almost reached the fake Dryad this time. I think she was warming up to me. It might have just been the acidic saliva from the plant that’s tongue was the Dryads top.
Sadly, the Dryad plant actually ate Bloom’s backup dress I had grabbed. And she had lost her main dress to one of the dozen plants that had eaten her. Impressively her bow was still on.
Why are my clothes still on you ask? Simple, they don’t come off unless I peel them off. I am not joking. It’s painful too. They are resistant to all forms of damage and auto regenerate. They give no defense, no protection at all. They are just resistant themselves.
Bloom of course, told me I was amazing for defeating the monstrous man eating Dryadic plant and its bear mate. Why are bears and plants dating? I refer to my earlier statement on not worrying about it.
I didn’t beat them. I didn’t even hurt them. They ate me and then left. But the Princess would congratulate me for murdering them.. And they have. I wondered what a real Princess would be like. Not these jokes of existence. Whoever thought it was a great idea to make Biologically real attractive women. Then give them the minds and details of toys. didn't just need mental help. They needed the whole damn hospital at once.
Luckily, there were only a few more incidents where Princess Bloom was eaten. The last one looked at her, then looked away. Smart plant.
Leaving the Jungle of fucked up shit. We entered the forest of fucked up shit. This is where I was eaten by that giant spider.. And the giant snake.. And the giant rat.. And the giant.. You know what. There have just been a lot of giant things eating me okay? Must be some kind of monster cuisine.
Luckily, nothing instantly came and ate me! Progress was always wonderful. But it made me suspicious. After almost a minute of walking, I was tense. I had not been eaten, attacked, poisoned or knocked out once. Fear began to creep into my bones. Where were all the monsters who considered me a delicacy?
“What’s that!” Bloom asked as she pointed to the treetops. I looked up but saw nothing. “Ah, must be a Python. They love the tree route, usually straight down. If it’s a smart one, they can swallow me whole.” I said calmly. My fear abated as I awaited my first death.
I sighed and pulled out my sword. Why not right? Maybe if I dodge fast enough I can cut the snake before it…
I felt a light jab and frowned. Looking down, I saw a small dart. “Is this a sleep dart?” I asked even as my vision began to go dark. “definitely..sleep..dart. “ I said as the ground came up to meet me.
I landed my dragon next to the castle gates. The royal guards surrounded me and claimed me an enemy of the kingdom. Perfect!
Jumping from the back of Blake Dragon. I pull out my Bubble gun midair and land into a roll before turning fast with a pivot and mowing down at least a dozen guards.
I rushed up to the castle gates as more guards started spawning in.
“Halt!” They cried in their imperious voices, causing me to snort.
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“The only person I Halt for is my husband!” I call back and step to the side.
“Ok Drakey! Fire!” I command my dragon with ease. He obeys as always and a burst of bubbles leaves his mouth and hits the gate, destroying it beyond repair.
I run into the courtyard and slide into the first royal guard, avoiding her pike and firing directly up. Then I moved between her legs and came around firing at the second. Both down, I rushed up to the door and kicked it in.
I appeared on the other side and shot down three more royal guards and threw a bubble grenade down the right hallway.
“Woot! New high score! Can’t wait for hubby to see!” I cry in excitement as I walk down the now empty hallway. I counted the room until I reached door ten. I lucked it in and appeared on the other side. Princess Ruby was standing there with a dagger, holding it wrong with a serious face.
The moment she saw me she dropped the knife. “Oh! It’s you Alissa! You scared me.” She said casually.
“Sorry, Your guards attacked first.” I said apologetically.
Princess Ruby shrugged, “Fair, they tend to do that. Where is the Hero?”
Oh, he is off meeting some Empress of my Kingdom for something or other.”
Princess Ruby seemed deep in thought then asked “You don’t think he changed sides do you?! No! The Hero would never do that!”
“I honestly don’t care. I am gathering up the Harem members for the wedding. I also need my chains back. I borrowed a friend’s earlier, but I need mine for the special night. They cut me just right!”
“Oh! Of course! But I lent them to Sapphire, we need to get them from her.” Ruby said simply. I nodded before asking “Where is she?”
“Three doors down on the left!” Ruby happily informed me.
I smirked and she winked at me. Then I turned and rushed to the door. A few more guards tried to stop me. Sadly, there was not enough for another penta, but I got a Tri!
I kicked the door in and appeared on the other side. Princess Sapphire was holding a bow and fired the instant I entered the room. I pulled out my dagger and deflected the arrow with no effort. Only to get hit by the second one.
I took.. Three damages. I was so stunned by actually getting hit, she got me again! Another three whole damage. I was now at 993 out of 1000. The audacity!
I dodged her fourth arrow, deflected her fifth and put my dagger to her through. “Drop the bow or die.” I said simply. She glared at me, but slowly let the bow go and it clattered to the floor.
“Good, now, I am here for my chains. Your sister borrowed them from me, and I need them back.” I said as I pulled my dagger back.
She looked at me puzzled. “You.. mean the ship chains? With the spikes on them? I thought those were for the harbor. I don’t even know why Ruby had them. I had some guards take them to the docks.”
I stared at her in shock. “YOU WHAT!” I screamed. I kicked her hard in the stomach, causing her to fly and hit her back against the wall. I turned and ran out of the room and back down the hall.
I rushed past Ruby who was walking towards Sapphire's room, but stopped and asked “What’s wrong?” I stopped for a moment to answer
“Your sister had them brought to the dock!” I screeched at her.
Ruby’s face darkened. “She.. what?!” Ruby turned and rushed down the hall towards Sapphire's room. “Sapphire you witch!” I heard her screech. I turned, ignoring them and made my way out of the castle.
I reached the front gates and was surrounded by guards on all sides. I almost cried with joy. I activated my ultimate ability.
A dozen dragons flew in and breathed bubbles all around me. They all floated there quietly covering the entire Courtyard. I jumped on one of the dragons and called out. “Aye Aye Captain!” and all the bubbles exploded at once.
I giggled happily as I steered my dragon towards the docks. My husband was so lucky to have me. He would have had to do this himself if anyone else was his first wife.