Making my way down the street, I took exactly twenty steps, then turned around. As expected, the castle was just.. Gone. I knew I should have thrown the dagger. She would be back later, I wasn’t stupid… Well, I wasn’t extremely stupid.

  I looked down at Bloom, who had not let go of my arm. I pulled her off my arm, held her by the shoulders and leaned in to get a good look at her.

  She looked like one of those cartoon princesses but turned human. So far so normal for the Princess’s I met so far. What was different was the vibrant colorful yellow dress. The bright blue eyes, and the most innocent face imaginable.

  This girl was deader than a doornail. I wondered if it would be a sacrifice or if she would die during some cutscene with a bandit. Maybe poison?

  I took her hand and began walking. She followed behind me as we left the city and made our way down the path to the probably respawned Peeps Village.

  I felt the vibration a moment too late. Pushing bloom as hard as I could backwards, I felt myself detonate from the stupid land mine exploding. I completely forgot about those.

  I appeared, to my irritation, in the middle of the lego block fort on the opposite side of the minefield. Normally, I would consider this a blessing. But Bloom did not come with me for respawn.

  I walked out of the fort and saw her standing there, looking at what was left of my body with a vacant expression. I sighed and called out. “I am over here. Give me a minute, I’ll…” Before I could finish she turned her head, saw me, and started walking towards me.

  “No Wait!” I said, trying to slow her down. She didn’t listen and I heard the mine vibrating. It exploded.. And she didn’t even flinch. She kept casually walking across the minefield and each one exploded directly on her and did.. Zero damage. Her dress was absolutely gone, any undergarments she might have had. The bow in her hair. All of it was gone. She walked naked, across the minefield exploding all over. And took no damage.

  She reached me and asked “Are you okay General Hero? That looked scary!” My eye twitched.

  I flicked her. It seems mean, but I wanted to know, I had to know. She instantly recoiled and said “Ouch! Why did you do that, General Hero!”

  I rolled my eyes, turned around, and continued walking to Peep town. I winced and covered my ears as I neared. Hoping it wouldn’t be too bad.

  It was even worse actually. The buildings popped up normally. The same middle aged looking popup rushed up to me. “Thank you hero for destroying the evil General! You have saved us!” I ignored her and kept walking through the town. I had a week of travel to reach Emerald Kingdom.

  “General Hero.. Don’t you have the ability to fast travel?” Bloom asked me innocently. The memory of me turning into a cube caused me to shiver involuntarily.

  “Uh.. no, it’s on cooldown!” I said sadly and continued walking. She followed for a while before asking. “How long is the cooldown? Maybe we can stay the night and wait it out?”

  I twitched slightly before turning back “Oh, it's like a month or something.” I lied smoothly.

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  She wasn’t having it. “That is fine, I am tired anyways. Do you have a place to stay for awhile here? I am excellent at cleaning, and I promise to be a good roommate for anything you might need.”

  I looked at her fully nude form and turned, continuing through town. I was so lucky I didn’t actually need sleep in this world. “Why don’t we stop and get you a new dress. It seems your old one is a little.. Ruined.”

  “Oh, do you think I need a new one?” She asked consideringly. I debated saying no, but she was cute and I didn’t need the distraction.

  “Yea, I need you to put one on.” I said as I looked around for a shop of some kind. There were usually clothing shops that sold armor.

  “But I am wearing a dress?” She said confused as she looked at herself. My eye twitched and I looked back at her.

  I could have argued, but it wasn’t worth it. So instead I just responded. “Not a fan of the color and design.”

  She nodded at that and I spotted a shop nearby. Walking over, I realized I was going to have to enter the shop. I sighed as I walked up to the door and put my finger on it. A door opening sound played and I appeared inside a massive room with hundreds of dresses.

  “What about this one General Hero?” Bloom called from across the room. I walked over and saw her.. Holding the exact same dress she recently lost, but in blue.

  “Yea, that’s perfectly fine, we will just go with that.” She nodded and instead of putting it on. She T-posed, the Dress disappeared and appeared on her. A menu popped up that said “Customize.”

  I clicked no and it went away. She stayed in the T-pose for almost thirty more seconds with a loading wheel. Then she glitched upside down and disappeared. “Did I just lose a Princess to a glitch?” I asked myself, not really caring.

  Apparently I did, because Princess Bloom appeared next to me and said “I am sorry, I had to go, I am back now!” She then grabbed my arm. She was now wearing her yellow dress and bow again.

  “What happened to the blue dress?” I asked slightly worried.

  “What blue dress?” she asked innocently.

  “Eh, close enough.” I said. Shrugging, I left the shop and made my way towards the exit of the village, towards the kingdom of Emerald. Only to be stopped by Sarah, who insisted we come home for a little bit.

  Between her and Bloom, I visit home for around twenty minutes. The Bloom brought up chains and I put my drink down. “Time to go!” I said as I grabbed her arm and dragged her out the door with me.

  We made our way to the edge of a large river.. It just cut the road in half. I had actually spawned it. It was as hellish as it looked. What? It didn’t look hellish to you? Watch this.

  I stepped out into the water and jumped back. Instantly three sharks jumped out and attacked where I just was. Then ate each other by tearing each other apart viciously. See?

  I looked at Bloom, she looked back at me. I smiled and gently placed my hand on her back, causing her cheeks to flush red. I whispered “You ready?”

  She giggled and whispered “I am always ready for you, hero.”

  I nodded and pushed her into the water. The Sharks all attacked her at once and she cleared the entire area of sharks for me. I grabbed the backup dress and made sure it was nice and ready. It was.

  Bloom was inconsolable.. For about five minutes. Then she forgave me and I pushed her in again. This time however, she managed to grab me and pulled me in with her.

  It was hardly my first death and I quickly shifted so the sharks got my neck and it was over.

  It took over an hour to cross the river. In the end, I just picked her up, and activated rocket legs. When we reached the other side safely. I had her drag my legless body to the shrine, which activated and made sure I would respawn on this side. Then I stabbed myself. I had gotten really good at hitting the corroded artery, or whatever it was called.

  The problem was when I respawned next to the stone, I tripped and fell back into the shark water. After respawning.. Again again. I made a point to kick the rock I tripped on. Have you ever seen a shark bite a rock in half? Yes, it is unsettling

  We entered the Jungle zone and instantly Bloom was grabbed by a piranha plant. I smirked as she tried and failed to grab it. It ate her, and after around fifteen minutes she walked out of its carcass. Turns out she was immortal and poisonous. Reminded me of my ex.

  She was very unhappy that I hadn't helped her. The Princess, not my ex. She was never grateful for anything. The Princess actually thanked me.. They all did. Even when I was torturing them.

  Memories of Princess Ruby upside down on a stake as I threw rocks at her came to mind and I chuckled. That had been great, shame how it ended though. Not the sex, that was.. Fine, I guess. It was the giant spider that ate us both. That is precisely why I stopped going in the forest.