The vending crystal blinked awake beside them, humming smugly. Its list scrolled lazily:

  Healing Potion – 5 coins

  Nothing Else – Priceless

  Harlada snatched the pouch from Bert’s belt. “We’ve got eleven coins now. That’s two potions.”

  Leo adjusted his cracked glasses. “Correction: with the previous balance, plus scorpion loot, we have precisely fifteen.”

  Bert perked up. “Fifteen? That’s three!”

  Before Leo could argue about arithmetic, the screen pulsed again:

  Total: 15 Coins. Purchase Quantity: 3 Healing Potions. Remaining Balance: 1 Coin.

  Three glowing bottles popped into existence.

  They downed them instantly. Wounds sealed, burns vanished, poison bled away. For the first time since entering the dungeon, they weren’t limping.

  “Full health,” Harlada sighed, rolling her shoulders. “Feels… weird.”

  Leo scribbled in his notes. “Correction: feels statistically impossible.”

  Bert flexed both arms, grinning. “Feels awesome.”

  ***

  They stood together in front of the bat-marked door. From behind it came faint shrieks and leathery flaps. Dust drifted from the stone frame, rattled loose by whatever was waiting inside.

  The crystal pulsed smugly:

  Pending Encounter: Bats. Sensory Handicap: Unknown. Attempts: 5.

  Harlada raised both hands. “Before we charge in and die again, let’s agree—this time we check the conditions first. No running. No screaming. No torching the air because Bert is bored.”

  Bert opened his mouth.

  “No,” she snapped.

  He shut it, sulking.

  Leo nodded gravely. “Agreed. Observation precedes strategy. We test the handicap, record variables, and adapt accordingly.”

  Harlada smirked faintly. “Translation?”

  “We peek, then plan,” Leo said flatly.

  Bert’s grin returned. “Fine. But after that—we smash.”

  The crystal pulsed, almost excited:

  Consensus Detected. Door Unlocked. Enjoy the shrieking.

  The bat door groaned open, shadows spilling out like a living storm.

  The door slammed behind them.

  Silence.

  Not the quiet of still air or muffled stone — but absolute, crushing deafness. Their own breathing vanished. The shuffle of boots made no sound. Even Harlada’s nervous muttering was swallowed into nothing.

  The crystal pulsed smugly:

  Sensory Handicap Enabled: Hearing Disabled. Attempts: 5.

  Above them, shadows blurred. The bats descended.

  ***

  Claws raked Leo’s shoulder. He flinched, scribbling in panic. -2 HP.

  Another swoop clipped Harlada’s cheek. -1 HP.

  The third darted past Bert, nicking him across the ribs. -2 HP.

  No warning cries, no shouted plans. Just silent chaos as the leathery shapes tore away hit point after hit point.

  This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

  ***

  Bert bared his teeth, rage boiling in his chest. He bent his knees and leapt — and his new boots chose that moment to engage.

  WHOOSH.

  He shot upward like a boulder from a catapult. His skull collided between a bat and the ceiling with a dull, wet crunch.

  Stuck.

  He flailed noiselessly, legs kicking uselessly in the air. His shield slipped from his grip and clattered down.

  ***

  Leo dove for it, his glasses cracked but eyes gleaming with desperate logic. Free him. Dislodge the shield. That’s the key.

  He hurled it upward.

  It smacked a swooping bat square in the chest. The creature dropped instantly, dissolving into mist.

  Leo blinked. That… worked?

  ***

  Harlada’s wide eyes snapped from Bert twitching in the rafters to the dissipating bat. Her lips curled into a grin.

  Fine. No plan. No strategy. Just chaos.

  She flung a bolt of lightning blind into the darkness.

  The room flashed white. The last bat shrieked silently as the bolt ripped through it. It burst apart mid-air, scattering into motes of dust.

  ***

  Silence.

  Then—

  Sound flooded back. Wings that no longer beat, dripping water, the clatter of Bert’s cleaver hitting the floor as he wriggled free and dropped to the ground with a painful thud.

  “Ow,” he groaned. “Okay. That was… awesome.”

  Leo picked up the shield, staring at it like it had betrayed him. “Statistically improbable.”

  Harlada smirked, sparks still dancing in her hands. “But effective.”

  The crystal pulsed reluctantly:

  Encounter Cleared. Attempts: 5. Rank: Accidentally Competent.

  A pedestal rose slowly from the floor, dripping dust.

  ***

  The pedestal creaked higher, dust cascading off its edges. At its center hovered a gem, shimmering faintly — not red, not blue, not green, but a swirl of all three.

  The three adventurers froze.

  “Mine,” Harlada said instantly, sparks still dancing on her fingertips.

  “Incorrect,” Leo snapped, stepping forward. “Balance dictates—”

  “Muscles before math!” Bert bellowed, cleaver raised.

  They circled the pedestal like hungry wolves.

  Then Leo adjusted his glasses, crouched slightly… and sprinted.

  “BOAR RUSH!” he shouted.

  The others had just enough time to blink before he plowed through both of them, smacking them sideways into the dirt. He skidded to a halt with the gem already dissolving into his palm.

  The crystal pulsed, almost startled:

  Stat Boost Applied. Party Distribution: Random.

  Light shot into all three of them.

  Bert staggered, clutching his chest. “Wait. What’s this feeling…?” He looked down at his reflection in the shield and gasped. “I’m… beautiful.” His eyes misted. “Finally, the muscles match the face. Charisma. I feel radiant.”

  Leo’s eyes lit up behind cracked lenses. His whole posture shifted, straighter, calmer. “Wisdom. At last. Statistical clarity. The dungeon acknowledges my intellect.” He began writing furiously in the margins, half weeping. “This is the happiest day of my life.”

  Harlada blinked, staring at her hands. A sudden rush of vitality surged through her veins, wounds knitting, lungs expanding. Her HUD blinked: +5 HP.

  She clenched her fists and grinned. “Constitution. Finally. I’m not the squishy one anymore.”

  The three of them stood taller, grinning like idiots.

  The crystal pulsed again, somewhat put out:

  Charisma. Constitution. Wisdom. These were not supposed to matter.

  Bert blew a kiss at the screen. “They matter to me.”

  ***

  The far wall rumbled. Two new doors slid into place, mist curling from their seams.

  The first bore a carving of a cracked skull, shadows leaking through the frame.

  The second glowed with a twisting spiral, light bending oddly around it.

  The crystal pulsed smugly:

  Silver Tier Maintained. Choose Wisely. Attempt: 5.

  They exchanged a long look — battered, bruised, but for once, actually energized.

  Bert flexed. “We’re unstoppable.”

  Leo nodded sagely. “Statistically improved.”

  Harlada smirked. “Finally. Let’s see what’s next.”