The two doors pulsed before them, smug as always.

  One bore the carving of a cracked skull, shadows dripping from the edges.

  The other shimmered with a twisting spiral, light bending oddly around it.

  The crystal pulsed helpfully:

  Choose Wisely. The Dimension of the Skull. The Dimension of the Spiral. Only one path advances. Attempt: 5.

  The adventurers squinted.

  “…So what do they mean?” Harlada asked.

  “Obvious,” Leo said, scribbling furiously. “The skull symbolizes death. The spiral symbolizes… also death. Probably. Or madness. Or both.”

  Bert scratched his chin. “Could be a snail.”

  They both turned to stare at him.

  “What?” he demanded. “Looks like a snail. Maybe we fight, like, three giant snails. Easy XP. Free soup.”

  Harlada groaned. “You’re impossible. It’s not a snail.”

  “Is too.”

  “Is not!”

  “Statistically,” Leo cut in, “the dungeon has so far presented us with frogs, seals, zombies, penguins, spiders, rats, birds, boars, scorpions, and bats. By probability, a snail encounter is highly improbable.”

  Bert grinned. “Which means it’s due.”

  The crystal pulsed smugly:

  Hint: Neither door represents snails. Stop guessing.

  They ignored it.

  “Okay,” Harlada said, pacing. “Maybe the skull means undead again. Zombies, skeletons, ghosts. At least predictable.”

  “And the spiral?” Leo asked.

  She shrugged. “No idea. Spinning? Hypnosis? Maybe a migraine.”

  Bert jabbed a finger at the spiral. “I’m telling you. Snails.”

  The crystal pulsed again:

  Party Consensus: None. Progression Delayed.

  They groaned in unison.

  ***

  They stepped into the chamber, the cracked-skull door slamming shut behind them.

  Three pedestals stood in a line, each holding a grinning skull. Two bones rested neatly on the floor before them, perfectly clean, perfectly arranged.

  The crystal pulsed smugly:

  Encounter Initiated: The Trial of Skulls. Difficulty: Unclear. Attempts: 5.

  The adventurers stared.

  “…So what do we do?” Harlada asked.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  Leo was already pacing. “Three receptacles, two objects. Clearly a test of logic. Or balance. Or sacrifice.”

  “Or fetch,” Bert said cheerfully, scooping up a bone and waving it in front of the nearest skull. “Here, boy!”

  The skull’s jaw clicked shut like a mousetrap. Bert yelped and dropped the bone.

  “Okay, not fetch,” he muttered.

  They tried arranging the bones.

  First skull and second skull? Nothing.

  Second and third? Nothing.

  First and third? The skulls just stared.

  Leo scribbled furiously, muttering about distribution matrices. Harlada groaned, sparks fizzing at her fingertips. Bert attempted to balance a bone across all three skulls at once.

  Nothing worked.

  Finally, with a wordless roar, Bert lifted his cleaver and brought it down. The left skull shattered into shards.

  The room pulsed. Mist swirled.

  When it cleared, the skull sat back on its pedestal, grinning wider than before.

  “…It came back,” Harlada whispered.

  Bert smashed the second skull. Same result.

  He kicked the third one off its pedestal. It reappeared instantly, jaw clicking like laughter.

  The crystal pulsed smugly:

  Hint: Brute force is pointless. Please continue flailing.

  The three adventurers stood in a circle of re-materializing skulls, utterly lost.

  Leo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Statistically, this puzzle is unsolvable.”

  “Translation?” Harlada asked.

  Leo sighed. “…We’re idiots.”

  The skulls all grinned in agreement.

  ***

  The three skulls sat in smug silence, jaws clacking every so often like they were laughing.

  Harlada dropped onto the floor, chin in her hands. “This is impossible. I’ve tried every combination.”

  Leo’s quill scratched furiously, pages filled with failed equations. “Statistically improbable, but not impossible. There must be a pattern—”

  “Then show me,” she snapped.

  He paused, glaring at his own notes. “…I can’t.”

  Bert stomped forward, waving both bones at the crystal above. “HEY! Dungeon! Little help here? Just one hint. Tiny hint. Anything.”

  The crystal pulsed once, smug text scrolling across the air:

  Hint Request Denied. Idiot Tax Applied.

  Two coins vanished from Bert’s pouch.

  He howled in outrage. “It stole our money!”

  Harlada groaned. “So not only is it unsolvable, it’s pay-to-win.”

  Leo’s voice dropped to a growl. “Unacceptable. This dungeon is monetized.”

  The skulls clicked their jaws, perfectly in sync.

  After a long silence, Harlada stood, brushing dust from her robes. “Nope. I’m done. If the dungeon won’t play fair, we’re not playing.”

  Leo reluctantly closed his notebook. “Agreed. Statistically, continuing here is unproductive.”

  Bert kicked one of the skulls across the chamber. It reappeared instantly, grinning. “Fine. But I’m still mad.”

  They turned, marched back through the cracked door, and stood before the only option left.

  The swirl-marked door pulsed, light bending oddly around its frame. The air hummed faintly, vibrating like it was alive.

  The crystal pulsed smugly:

  Path Selected: Spiral. Attempt: 5. Definitely not snails.

  The adventurers groaned in unison.

  Together, they shoved the door open.