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Self doubt is Insanity

  I was back standing at the door facing my older brother

  "Hey fatty" it was the same words once again

  I just stared at him in a daze as he said the same message all over again

  " Dad said you should come home and pack your stuff" he seemed to realize I wasn't in the right state of mind

  So he just said the message directly and left

  I snapped out of it and thought about escape

  There was no way I have the courage to face the zombie

  I couldn't even move even though I knew what would happen

  It wasn't like I was surprised

  It was something I expected yet I couldn't move

  And the one time I did move was to take a step back

  This is really crazy

  Why are there even zombies in school

  This is real life right

  Things like the apocalypse can't be happening right

  Yeah maybe it was just my imagination from reading too much manga

  I must be hallucinating from exhaustion

  Yeah yeah

  All I need to do is go to my seat and sleep off

  By the time I wake up, it should be lunchtime

  I hesitated a bit before walking to my seat

  It should be okay;I began to convince myself as I placed my head on my desk

  The weather is nice today so it should be a good day

  I closed my eyes and hypnotized myself to sleep

  But that sleep was interrupted by screams

  I sat up in a flash just as the zombie landed on me

  It seems it attacked the student beside me and he moved out of the way

  The zombie but into my neck and blood spurted out

  I died

  ............

  "Hey fatty" my brother's voice and the same classroom

  I was trembling this time because it was real

  Soon I'm going to be bitten to death by a zombie

  Then I should probably escape

  But what if the virus has spread all over the school

  Worse, what if it has spread all over the world

  Then nowhere would be safe and I'll have to fight for my life

  No I can't think that far

  There's no way the world would collapse today

  Yeah maybe it's like that manga where the rat spread it in school and a student carried it out

  Hopefully I just have to escape the school

  I didn't bother with my brother infront of me and turned to run outside

  The bell must have sounded a while ago because the hallway was full of students

  Then it happened

  It started with a scream followed by running

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  A zombie had attacked a student who just came out of class ahead of me

  I was pushed around and there was a stampede

  I felt the pain from people stepping on my body

  Eventually I couldn't endure anymore and someone hit my head hard

  I lost consciousness and then I died

  ..............

  "Hey fatty" the same voice

  I stumbled and landed on the ground

  Why why

  Why did that have to happen at that time

  Has I couldn't even escape right

  I barely made it to the next floor before I was stomped to death

  Pathetic

  I obviously can't do anything myself

  I would die the first minute I try to survive the apocalypse alone

  Then I need help to escape

  No I need to follow someone capable

  "Brother..no Young master" I said turning to him

  "Didn't you hear what I just said" my brother asked

  Ah right, he was just telling me I was disowned

  I was just too out of it and blurted out brother

  "Young master I need your help" it said crawling to his legs dangling off the table

  "Oh for what" his voice was amused

  He always did like it when I begged

  "There's a zombie in school and we need to escape"

  "Hey are you crazy, do I look like someone you can joke with" this time he was angry

  "It's true..I..just wait until the bell rings for class then you'll see" I couldn't tell him how I knew

  He's already pissed because he thinks I'm messing with him

  Adding that I got the information from regressing would make it worse

  "Oh then let's go together" he wanted to keep me close so that he would beat me up if I was lying

  That's good for me

  I thanked him with tears flowing down and snot in my nose

  My brother stood in the hallway beside a locker

  The atmosphere between us was silent and the only sound was from him typing on his phone

  He was probably sending this news to his friends to laugh at me

  I made sure to stick to the wall because of the stampede

  The bell rang and we continued to wait

  Then I saw it

  A student from the class ahead suddenly ran out of the classroom

  Only to be attacked by the student who turned into a zombie infront of him

  The students screamed and began to run

  I sighed in relief because I knew that my brother would believe me

  My brother went into action and tried to run away with the students

  The hallway was crowded as the zombies in other classes rushed out along with other students

  I was behind my brother trying to keep up when I was kicked at the back of my knee

  I was fat so I lacked stamina

  Therefore I was already tired due to pushing people away and running

  Then someone hit the back of my knee

  So the result was that I stumbled and fell

  "Brother help" I screamed as I fell

  "Tsk you're just dead weight anyway" he said this without even turning back

  A zombie lunged at me on the floor and I was bitten to death

  ...........

  "Hey fatty" my brother's voice

  The same voice that called me dead weight

  The same voice that told me the truth

  Even if I follow someone strong that doesn't change the fact that I'm weak and dead weight

  I would probably be abandoned at the slightest hint of danger

  So how am I meant to survive the zombie apocalypse

  Fight

  I can hardly run without passing out

  Escape

  I'm probably slower than the zombie

  Hide

  I'm too dumb to know where to hide

  Survive

  Haha, I would probably be cheated and killed by a human on the first confrontation not to talk of a zombie

  What do I do

  Usually the main characters would be able to calm down and solve the riddle

  But I'm not the main character

  I'm an extra

  I don't have the intelligence to solve this

  Neither do I have the guts to do anything

  And most importantly I don't have a system

  The bell rang and the teacher forced me to sit down

  "Status" I decided to try my last hope

  I thought long and hard and realized that I certainly can't do anything without a system

  "Status"

  "Open panel"

  "Start"

  "Accept"

  "System"

  "System" I said all the activation words I had read hoping that I would see a blue transparent screen

  But nothing

  Soon the student collapses again

  And then the zombie stood up

  As expected it faced my direction

  "Status"

  "Status"

  "Hey system"

  "I accept"

  "System system"

  I crazily shouted status and system until I died again

  .............

  "Hey fatty" this time I screamed once I heard that familiar voice

  System system system system system

  I kept calling in my head over and over again

  The teacher came in and tried to force me to my seat but I was in my own world of fear desperately screaming for the system

  But there was no reply

  And once again I died

  .............

  "Hey fatty"

  I realized that it's pointless

  I'm not the main character who suddenly gets the system

  I'm not even a side character

  Neither am I an extra

  Honestly the perfect word for me is expendable trash

  I'm just cannon fodder that dies in the first scene of chapter

  And with this realization followed with crazy laughter

  But instead of a happy face

  My face was contorted into despair and tears were flowing down my face

  And then I came upon another realization

  A cannon fodder should do what it does best

  Death

  I need to die completely

  It's only then that I can be free

  I need to break out of this cycle

  I stumbled up from the floor and ran to the window

  I jumped down with my head first

  My head hit the pavement hard with blood flowing profusely

  But even in the pain of having my skull and part of my brain crushed

  I smiled

  Then my heartbeat became quiet as I breathed my last

  ..........

  "Hey fatty"

  Ahhh

  I screamed once I heard that voice and those words

  I wrapped my hand around my neck and tightened my grip until my eyes rolled back

  I died from suffocation

  .........

  "Hey fatty"

  I slammed my head onto the concrete floor repeatedly until I died

  ........

  "Hey fatty"

  I stabbed my neck with a pen

  I died

  ..........

  "Hey fatty"

  I staggered unto the hallway and rammed my head onto the wall repeatedly

  .......

  I just kept killing myself in various ways

  Because I sincerely believe that trash like me would never be kept alive by the world

  .......

  "Hey fatty"

  He he

  Hey kid

  Want me to help you throw the trash away

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